to be 12 again....

...all of us have forgotten how difficult it is to be twelve years old... i had a glimpse of it yesterday... and it really frightened this sweet arsed mama.... you see i totally get that when you're twelve you are probably the laziest human being ever.... i was, so i know... this year, first term, i firstly got a shock when i got my eldest report card... needless to say he basically flunked everything... i duly was summoned to all the teachers... and i sat there with a scarlet face with my sweet ass on one of those small little school chairs, why don't they get the parents a normal chair, jeez... i think they want to intimidate you or maybe they just don't care... i sure hope they care cause it's my son's future we're talking about here!!... what also shocked me was how little they know about each kid, cause there are so many of them i suppose but still, in my day the teacher knew every single one of us by name, and knew my four siblings that came before me... things sure have changed... anyhow, so after i had a heart to heart with all the teachers... this one teacher was so cute... shameless me ogling my son's teacher...but he was finnnnne.... where was i??? oh yes parent-teacher heart to heart, and each and every single one of the teachers said the same:

he is a nice kid (i knew that)...

he listens in class (i should bloody well hope so)...

but... he doesn't do his homework and he doesn't do his assignments... bloody hell... now the point system in schools also is different today, if the kids do the homework and give in their assignments and do well with all the class tests in every subject, all that shit amounts to a whopping 75% of their report card... and the exams over which we've been stressing too much, only amounts to 25%... we pulled little buddies socks up after that, he worked his little ass off, i was a policeman morning, noon and night and he did really well in his last report card.. but oh dear this is the third term and you know (he thinks) i did so great last term, i plan to just let it slide this term... girlfriends, cellphones, psp... life is so gooooooood... yesterday i found out (too late of course) that he failed (blood pressure pills...) three assignments because why? he just didn't bother to do them... fuck i nearly lost it.... so here is where we are at now... i told my darling boy that this policewoman-sweet-arsed-mama has now resigned, i literally saw his jaw drop.. i will help whenever i am asked, then i will do everything i can ... but for the rest, you buddy... you're on your own.

i feel like a heartless mama today but i have tried every single other kind of punishment and approach and nothing helps... he doesn't get "responsibility" or "home work" or "deadline" at all... he is lazy personified...and now i have to be cruel to be kind... if he flunks this year (have mercy ~ flunk grade 6...how embarrassing)... that's what will happen....he has to pass, i can't do it for him...

i'm feeling very fragile today... being a single mom is not easy ... i do my best but sometimes it just feels like: who cares, it's not enough... but this is my baby... fuck i hate school i hate school i hate school!!!

i have this standing joke with my mom that if all else fails that little buster can leave school and become a plumber or a electrician... great plan but today that plan just sucks... i want the best for my kid man... i want him to be a rocket scientist... just because i know he can... not because he is my kid but because i know him, i know he is so intelligent, and caring and is so good with his hands, and maths... and now? i just want what is best for him and he doesn't seem to care...