victory is schweeet!

go bokke!

i am so relieved...phew... the english sure gave a whole new meaning to the term "sour grapes"...

anyway!!!

yesterday i thought about this guy i know... he is the type that really understands woman~kind, what's going on inside our heads... very rare indeed...and he is so cute... and sweet and sexy...no i'm not in love... i wish i could fall in love with this guy...but i'm holding back... there sure are sparks flying everywhere when i see mr nice guy... but l hold back... cause there are a few complications... firstly he is the brother of my best friend... now some could say that it's perfect... hit it off with your best friends brother...yes...well... maybe in some cases it can work... but their family is very close knit... like mine...and i know what they do to a girl that hurt their brother... not a pretty sight... and there's never any guarantees... so must i put my friendship on the line...on the off chance that we can hit it off... i don't think so... my friendship with her is really important to me~ i think few people ever have a friendship like mine with my best friend...we've known each other for 12 years...i would literally do anything for her and vise verse... we phone each other like 5 times every day...we know each others deepest and darkest secrets...she's just my best friend and i can't imagine not having her as my best friend...cause you know even if our friendship is cast in stone...blood...that's a whole different story... and then there is complication number two...and this makes me feel like a piece of snake shit...really... cause is something like this supposed to matter...probably not...but it does bother me...ahhh... it's not fair...if it wasn't for this one little thing i probably would have grabbed this piece of man and pulled him into my cave already...but he's paralyzed...no he's actually a quadriplegic... but the nicest...sexiest man you can imagine... but fact is he's a quadriplegic...i feel awful about this... but i just can't imagine my life with his disability...and that makes me feel even worse... am i that shallow... if...if...i ever decided to go ahead and give us a chance i know beyond a shadow of a doubt i will not have the heart to ever dump this man for whatever reason...i can't explain it... and i think that if you start over analyzing a potential relationship... then i know that i shouldn't even think of getting involved... knowing their family for as long as i have..i know what his disability entails...really it's not an easy thing to live with... i feel very selfish and i'm not a selfish person... i can't explain what an incredible man he is... his disability doesn't keep him from doing anything... he works full time... he's got plenty of money... and he's fun... ag i don't know... i suffer from a very guilty conscience... and i feel like shit about it all...