Tuesday, October 2, 2007

mother-in-law...

what a shocker...i will one day...hopefully a million years from now...actually be a freaking mother-in-law...and being the sweet person that i am...i plan to be a horrible mother-in-law...i don't want to be...i just don't know how the hell i will be able to pull myself together and to be a nice mother-in-law...i have so much sympathy for all the bad assed mother-in-laws world-wide...and i take my hat off to my ex-mother-in-law...but i will do my best...i just pray to God that my sons will bring home some first class chicks...i will probably end up like jane fonda in the movie ~monster~in~law~...how do you switch off years and years of wanting just the absolute best for my sons...and then handing that perfect little package over to a snot-nosed girl who my son drools over...arrghhhh...you see i've taught my son's to be very well mannered...so the daughter-in-law will be much spoilt...and she will have no idea that it was due to all my blood and sweat!... so far i have taught my son's to do the following...and they really do it too...

they pick wild flowers out of the garden...and give them to me...

they tell me i look beautiful in the mornings....

they tell me they love me...

they open the front door and my car door for me...

they collect the neighbour's daughter at her front door in the mornings (she drives with us to school)...takes her bag...put it in the car for her...and open the door so she can get in...

these little things may sound very insignificant to you but these are the things any girl looooooooooooooveeeeessss...we're easy that way...and these things are simply genetically foreign to any man...believe me when i tell you that it has taken years of manipulation and skill to teach them these habits...the poor things have been drilled like soldiers...every morning i parade in my outfit...hinting for a compliment...and now they just give the compliment...and it seems they actually mean it...how about that!...these are little things that i always appreciate in a guy...i would rather want a flower from the garden than 100 red roses delivered by the florist...i'm such a romantic...hurl...cause you see if you don't teach them these habits, they will never do them one day...that's a promise...i should actually ask lebola...this practise is used in the black culture...when a girl wants to get married the guy has to buy the father a bunch of cows...or give him some money...i want some money honey...i work really hard to produce these great men to become some lucky girl's husband one day...and what do i get...i get to wear a beige dress at the wedding and to please shut up...fuck that...i will be giving the girl a bit of a hard time...if she passes...i will make her feel all welcome in the family and make her promise to give me lots of grandbabies...i plan to be a rockin grandmother...like i said...this will only happen a million years from now...but still...

i taught them well...

1 COMMENTS....bite me!:

angel said...

oh my friggin word girl! i am so going to be a monster-in-law... i nearly died when i saw that movie, i definitely think i am capable of it!

 
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