Wednesday, October 3, 2007

dna...

for the last two nights i couldn’t sleep…ok i had two space-jackers next to me hogging the bed…last night i even ended up on the couch…and when i woke up…both were asleep on the floor…precious…anywayaaz…i’ve been thinking…which is not always a good thing…but it passes time…so that is what i did…i’m the youngest of five…all five of us were raised by the same set of parents…good times…all of us turned out the be semi normal people…we have plenty of moments where we freak out to the point of me wondering if i really wasn’t swapped at birth…but generally all is rather normal…now why is this…is it the same dna strain we share…or is it circumstances…routine…environment you exist in that molds you into what you are…i really wonder about this…cause see i have these two brilliant kids…and they have the absolute best of my most powerful dna i could gather around the day they were conceived…and then they share their dad’s dna also…now let me explain this…i really loved that man…but i was as blind as a bat when it came to his faults…you know the flashing red lights with the ear piercing sirens…i missed those somehow…let me be fair and list his good qualities…he’s good looking...he’s strong...he was handy around the house...he washed dishes...i’m thinking really hard here….what else…he can be very sweet sometimes…but…you see there comes the but…the sweetness, the confidence…they are not really good characteristics…cause you see i never knew if the sweetness were actually borne out of manipulation to get what he wanted…cause that’s what he did…he is a absolute fucking master at manipulating people and situations and words…he can look you in the eye…he can even add a tear to dramatize the deal…and lie in your face without batting an eyelid…he is uber convincing …but he uses people, he lies, he hurts people, he makes promises that he never intends to keep, he says horrible ugly things just to hurt a person just because he feels like it…he’s hugely selfish, he admits this himself…and last of all it seems that he has no conscience…and you see there is my problem…my kids share the same dna as this man…fuck…he was adopted, found his biological mother 20 years later and it turns out he uses e~x~a~c~t~l~y the same tricks as his hit and run biological dad did…that’s fucking freaking me out totally…(without trying to sound proud of myself)…i really work hard at raising my boys right…cause it doesn’t happen by itself…and i want them to be well adjusted happy grown-ups one day…i just want them to be kind and honest men…and here is my question…they are growing up in an environment where i dominate…my good dna and input…lingers around them day in and day out…they share more time with me than they do with the other dna donor…so if environment and circumstances/input makes a person who they are…they should be fine…i have a huge family…they are daily surrounded by grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins that have a wonderful input in their lives…but my ex had the same…he was brought up in a great home similar to mine…sure they weren’t perfect…but from a very young age my ex rebelled against life and society…he still believes that the world owes him something…what i have no idea…but he believes that …and his biological father was the same…so what the fuck…i just want to die and blow away in the wind at the mere thought that my kids should have one lying, manipulating, horrible bone in their beautiful bodies…they are such good kids…with pure hearts…i worry about this shit…cause it sure is shit to say what i’m saying without really saying what i know you know I’m saying…fuck…comprendo?

5 COMMENTS....bite me!:

MsMozi said...

My completely unqualified and unscientific opinion is that genetically, we are all born with predispositions to behave in a certain way - but ultimately it comes down to influences (or the nuture part in the nature/nurture debate) which triggers the behaviour or leaves it dormant.

Sweetass RSA said...

msmozi! welcome to my humble blog...and thx for your welcome note on your blog...

yip let us hope it stays dormant!

Glugster said...

Very interesting question. Would Hitler have been any different if his life growing up had been different. Was he just like his father?

I have a very good friend. Know each other since grade 2. His dad's a real dick. Treated his wife like a slave. Cheated on her. Treated his children like slaves. I don't have enough fingers to list the bad qualities. But today my friend is happily married with 2 kids. He adores his wife and kids. He helps around the house, even cooking, something his dad would never do. Just basically a great oke, nothing at all like his dad. Yet he grew up with him. In the case of your ex, he did not know his dad. Did not have the perfect example of what not to be. To this day there are things that I will not do cause my own dad did it, and I knew it was wrong.

I also believe the friends your kids make are very important. They are more likely to learn those bad traits from their friends, than from their parents.

In a nutshell, sounds to me like you're doing a great job raising those kids. I'm sure they'll make you very proud.

angel said...

whew, nature vs nurture... i dunno hey- damien's never even met his father, yet they share so many similarities its not funny!

Sweetass RSA said...

thanks for the comments guys!

 
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