Monday, July 21, 2008

that stupid question

my best friend asked me the other day what the hell was going on with my love life? that's such a good question :) other than regular sex i can honestly say that I'm truly content at the moment to be single. is that strange? it's been a long road for me and it's been tough and doing it alone has been tough, i would be the first to admit that. but if i step back and objectively look at my life, well it's looking pretty peaceful at the moment. i have no drama to speak of, no incredible highs and certainly no devastating lows. cause for some reason that's been the pattern of my love life, drama, passion and then devastation. so am i going out looking to drag that back into my life? hell no~ I've made peace with the fact that my kids are for now my first priority. their lives have had enough trauma to last a lifetime. divorce can really damage people, messy words, dirty deeds, dark secrets that's supposedly hidden from innocent little children of divorce... well those nasty secrets has a way to surface regardless. we think the ugliness, the vicious destruction of divorce does not really affect kids? that's such a load of bullshit. kids aren't stupid. what effect do you think that last conversation we had with the kids have on them? what effect did that horrible Friday afternoon have on their psyche, that moment when we broke our house in two and told them that the 2 most important people in their lives didn't love each other anymore. that horrific realization on Kay's face will haunt me to my dying day. their desperate pleas for reconciliation. those haunting cries. make no mistake that divorce is brutal on kids, i truly think it's despicable and selfish. but it's life right? such a pathetic excuse. anyway, bearing all of this in mind I'm needless to say extremely wary to shake up their world ever again, not on my watch anyway. but someone to love will be great for them, some would say. sure it would. but what's the chance that will happen with the first guy i meet? so i don't get laid often, in the bigger scheme of things that's kind of a small sacrifice for me at the moment, i have to tell you. sure i miss having someone, companionship etc. but that will come, i 'm sure of that. I'm not scared that I'll never meet someone again, cause i will, i know that. but for now all my love, my attention and my energy has to go to them, i kind of think i owe it to to them...

22 COMMENTS....bite me!:

The Jackson Files said...

Aaaahhhh sweets, you are such a great Mom.

Crazy Charlene said...

sweets~~hugs to you and your children~~just remember to make yourself a priority sometimes so you can continue to make their world a better place~~~they are lucky to have a wonderful mom like you

leez said...

Ditto on the whole relationship thing. Contrary to what some idiots will have you believe there is nothing wrong with being single.

Sweets said...

jacks> right back atcha hun!

charlene> i will do... eventually!

leez> thank God for like minded people... i agree, being in a relationship does not define who i am :)

Polgara said...

Good for you, why do people think there is something wrong with being single??

I hope when Chris and i have this baby i'm half the mother you are

Pol x

Briget said...

It is difficult.. It really is..

I walked out of a bad marriage and then fell in love with my best friend..

Not sure if I am lucky or stupid..

Perhaps I shouldve allowed time to pass.. but how can I deny this love that blossomed from a strong shoulder to lean on and kind words whispered in my ear?

And the Boys?...The boys took it all in stride, the divorce, the mess, the change.. and are stronger and better for it..Life is better when they are not subject to parents who fight all day and live seperate lives under one roof..

Arkwife said...

Wow Sweets, that was a really amazing post. I know what it feels like to have divorced parents and the damage it causes, and I applaud you for putting all your time into your kids now. I know they'll remember and appreciate it when they grow up. Well done doll :-)

Unknown said...

Not to worry. Your kids are alright! You're doing a good job!

Sweets said...

pol> that's sweet, i think you'll do an even better job :)

bic> please don't think that i'm saying what you did was wrong, for you it was perfect, but somehow for me it wasn't an option. i'm happy that you found someone so quick, doesn't happen every day, so be happy!!! XXX

ark: thanks hun, good to hear that from your point of view :)

glugs: thanks glugs i hope so... the proof is in the pudding right :)~

kyknoord said...

I still can't figure out where the sponge features in all this.

Sweets said...

erm... it's not a sponge... it's a bloomin seashell dude mwhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahaha

AngelConradie said...

oh i SO know where you're coming from sweets... i was single for almost 7 years when i met my glugster- and it does take a while to reach this level of contentment- but once you're there its fairly easy to maintain (well... ahem... it was for me).
yes, i occasionally missed a little companionship- but i so much liked having my time and money to myself that i was VERY wary to let myself get involved again.
and the heartbreak that damien went through when i ended my last relationship just tore my heart to shreds and i vowed never to put him or i through that again... at least not until he was older and could better grasp the complications of a relationship.

you go girl!

i'm proud of you!!

Charmskool said...

Lovely post and as a single mom I congratulate you - enjoy your singleness (if there is such a word) and your kids and the serenity that comes from being strong.

Slyde said...

good for you... its the right call.

besides, you DO have a love life. Are you so quickly forgetting our whispered promises of spankings and bjs? In my book that counts!

Anonymous said...

You have said and done what a true and unconditional-loving mother would have said. And done.

Sometimes we tend to underestimate how string kids can be with regards to situations like this. I think as long as you continue to be as emotionally strong and loving as you have shown you are, your kids will pick up on this and will be just fine in the end.

As to finding another companion: yes you are right babes. No need to rush into it, if it is meant to happen then it will definitely happen.

Stay strong Stef, by the look of things you are doing the best you can!!!

Ruby said...

dear dear sweets! It takes a lot of heart and courage to look back at what you've done and realise the consequences thereof. But it also takes a lot of maturity to realise what you've done to deal with and heal the consequenses of those actions. I think you're doing an amazing job with your boys.
Yes OK, so i've never met you or your boys in real life, but from what i gather here, and the fact that you have no qualms in telling the whole world that all your love and affection is fixed on them right now takes a lot of guts and says something about your character:) You go girl!!!

Kingcover said...

I think if you didn't have your boys this post could have gone a little differently?

Anonymous said...

good thoughts
you have it right in my opinion
your kids prolly dont know now but one day they will look back and see all that you did for them.

Sweets said...

angel> like i've said before... you give me hope johanna :)

charm> thanks hun :)

slyde> LOL yes we do have a steaming comment relationship going on don't we? you're sweet, but hey you knew that already! :)~

obi> thanks boet, kids are strong yes, but i still think it's so unfair on them, but wise words from you XXX

ruby> i've missed you rubes, your comments always makes me go... awwwww... ;)

king> hell yes :) but to be honest i wouldn't change a thing!

sage> even if they don't remember it's fine, i just have to do this right for me and them :x

Anonymous said...

All challenges allow us to find out what we made off and good on you for accepting and overcoming.

Thats a seashell? It's very eerie looking, like a mushroom/honeycomb/seashell/sponge/just plain old weird thing.

b.t.w how was the birthday celebrations?

Ruby said...

I'll be back promise!

Karollin said...

What a lovely post you made here Sweets. It's cool done. My great delight that I discovered your lovely blog by searching on google. As soon as the title of your post came to my notice I was prompted to hit on and found me into your beautiful love and affectionate world. Happy to understand that you are in great care about your cute kids. Love your work. Could not approach someone

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