Friday, August 29, 2008

don't be coy biatch!


that is what i would love to say to my boss ~ just once...


and while I was typing that sentance, the bitch herself ~all of a sudden~ was standing RIGHT BEHIND ME...

minimize!!

minimize!!!!!
MINIMIZE!!!!!


and when i have adrenalin pumping through my veins i have


very


very


slow reflexes...


shit... oops


bliksem


well she didn't notice anything... and then she told me the funniest joke... i laughed like i haven't laughed in a long time...

and now i feel guilty calling her a coy biatch... who's the biatch noooooooooooow?

have a groovy weekend ya'll :)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

if you insist...

so all the guys want naked pics?...


... so who am i to not give into a dare right?



so here i am...




for your viewing pleasure boys...



why are you so shocked?




:)







scrolling...

scrolling....

















whahhhhhhhhhahahahahahaha

I'm sorry...

did you actually think i was going to put naked pics of myself on my blog?...

hmmm... lemme think...

not happening here!

will have to consume large amounts of alcohol to prompt me to do that....

litres and litres of bad red wine... and last time i checked i don't even drink red wine, apparently it's an acquired taste and i have certainly not acquired it, I'm more of a klippies and coke girl (brandy with coke)... i know i know... so middle class... can you guys honestly tell me red wine is good? i can only remember one night when i truly enjoyed drinking red wine ... but i would actually like to "get" the red wine phenomenon... cause i think I'm totally missing out on something... what to do.... what to do.... i will have to look for a willing red wine drinking instructor... ;)

so sorry again about the naked pics... :)~

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

supermom cape for sale

objectivity is such an awesome thing... in afrikaans it's called perspektief, i think its slightly different from objectivity but flip I'm too tired to go look for a better word, so objective it is... deal with it...


i won't give you the whole spiel about the appointment we had with Kay's psychologist... but he is such a sweetheart...i know... damn that wedding ring!!! LOL he truly gave a very honest opinion about Kay and it made so much sense... he filled in the missing puzzle pieces... so I'm hugely relieved... my son is way better... it's a fucking miracle i tell you... and the best of all, batman paid for everything... hehe... no, I'm really grateful it turned out to be such a short process, I'm so thankful I was referred to this shrink, he worked miracles... now Jay has to go... har har... and he refuses to... i know! honestly that little guy has the attitude of a WWE fighter... and the temper to boot... so I'll just have to cuff him and carry him over my shoulder... cause he's going, that's a fact...


i had a mini breakdown on Sunday... i just want to die of embarrassment if i think about it... ag it wasn't so bad... i just had a huge moment where EVERYTHING was just too fucking much... after almost 3 years i sometimes still get overwhelmed... shit this is not what i signed up for... but hey, tomorrow is another day... I was talking to my Dad of all people, he doesn't do tears you see... and the next moment... booooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooo.... and he's like... it's OK... honestly, go get a tissue!!! hehe but what was the worst was that i couldn't stop crying... I'm not a very loud cryer, OK occasionally when my heart is ripped out of my ribcage i can really let it rip... but it was actually pitiful... the tears kept on billowing down my cheeks... and I'm telling myself... get a grip... stop it this instant!... and that made me cry even harder... the tears just rolled... and i wish i was at home so i could just get it out... cause obviously I've been suppressing all this shit so much that at that breaking point, i just snapped... anyway... i stopped... eventually... and then i had lunch with my sunglasses on :)


I'm feeling much better, nothing major... so no need to worry, promise! but I've been going through "something", hell i don't know what... maybe it's the move, maybe it;'s Kay's exams... but maybe things just got a bit much, and that's certainly OK with me... honestly i can't be superwoman permanently, somebody want the cape??


so I'm taking a step back... and taking a deep breath... and clearing my mind of all the worries and the responsibilities for a second... and starting again... met 'n bietjie nuwe perspektief :)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

how boring can one blog be...






yes... I've fallen into the trap... my blog is sooooooooo boring these days...boring boring boring...

my life seems boring...

my work seems boring...

i seem boring ffs...



... I've found a lot of the blogs i read are complaining about the same thing... alas no embarrassing moments to tell... and no chirpy news to splatter all over my once enjoyable blog...



so...



i either have to tell you about my miracle cure for zits I've discovered for Kay... my poor testosterone erupting teenager... I'm on the verge of getting him some Reacutane... now THAT is a miracle drug if I've even come across one... or tell you about my broken nails (from packing... moving house in zero minus 6 days)... OR maybe i should start posting naked pics... that is sure to get a few hits...




sigh










Monday, August 25, 2008

just saying


what i found quite interesting about my chivalry post last week was that most guys defended the fact that they thought chivalry was still alive... although the basic concept of pulling out a chair or opening a door for a woman in my books certainly does not equal chivalry... although... sure it does help, so well done to the boys who still do this... i am no feminist and i love guys doing this...
but...
here is the things i think is dead, this is what i mourn the loss of... here are some snippets i've taken out of the code of chivalry...


  • exhibit self discipline (not so easy...)

  • show respect (this goes beyond saying "yes mam"...)

  • protect the innocent (true?)

  • respect woman (...yeah well what can I say?)

  • exhibit courage in word and deed (this I totally respect)

  • avenge the wronged (oh yes baby)

  • defend the weak and innocent (again, this got lost people...)

  • fight with honor (hell yes this is dead)

  • never abandon a friend, ally or noble cause (sigh)

  • always keep one's word (*splutter*)

  • always maintain one's principles (get it?)

  • never betray a confidence (this one i put in bold on purpose)

  • avoid deception (just avoid?... just don't go there sugar)

  • respect life (hmmmm)

  • be polite and attentive (yes please)

  • exhibit manners (well done, some still have this ~ agreed)

  • never attack from behind (no comment)

  • avoid cheating (like in don't cheat boys)

  • avoid torture (torture of the soul that is)

now these qualities are as old as Robin Hood himself, and for most metro men these qualities does not mean much... and granted... this is a tall order... but man oh man those who have these qualities... well that's just quite remarkable that's all... so yes, by all means pull out my chair, open the door for me... like i said, i'm no feminist... but how about being a knight in shining armour...in the 21st century...

now that... would take some doing :)~

Friday, August 22, 2008

yeah yeah it's friday!



have a good one... weekend...

i meant weekend... :)~

Thursday, August 21, 2008

the age of arrogance

nobody will know what i mean to say with this post... i find myself vulnerable so I'll rather keep this secret to myself... i never expected to feel like this again and find myself disillusioned and disappointed... dejavu?

you know that saying "actions speaks louder than words..." such a true thing that... what i find so interesting is the fact that certain people place themselves superior to others in many ways~ but their actions screams out their lack of integrity and their total arrogance...




whatever happened to chivalry?


when did it die and who let it?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

kielie my pienk!



I'm on the mailing list for one of the local online book distributors, once a week i get an email with all sorts of books on sale... usually it's books for kids, crafty stuff and jewelry on sale... well *goofy laugh*... not this week... above mentioned header "kielie-my-pienk" should have warned me... it translates to something like ... hmmm... tickle me silly... or directly to ~tickle me pink~... i know! i wasn't expecting that...! LOL... this week it's all about sex... and the short reviews/descriptions of the books well... amused me to no end... and it seems they have sex toys available too... who knew Kalahari.net was so kinky?!

The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio: How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure The First Complete, No-Nonsense Guide To Orally Pleasuring A Man - Frank, Fresh, Fun! Learn the basics about his pleasure spots and how they like to be touched, how to talk to your partner about fellatio, and how the male sexual cycle works...

excuse me.. the male sexual cycle???

The Little Book of Minge Topiary:This little book tells you everything you need to know about creating your own shaven haven but were too afraid to ask. So go on, wax to the max....


mwhhhhhhhhhhahahahah... shaven haven ?!?!! *oh oh i can't stop laughing*


The Low Down on Going Down: How to Give Her Mind-Blowing Oral Sex It's nothing to be ashamed of. When it comes to performing oral sex, most people fall somewhere between fumbling and clueless. But now, in The Lowdown on Going Down you'll find practical, easy-to-master techniques that will give you the confidence and skills you need to become an expert in the delicate art of cunnilingus...


well i have to admit i didn't know that cunnilingus was an actual word... well it is, a very descriptive word at that... i googled it of course and was shocked even further by the fact that wikipedia has quite a bit of information on the subject... why do i find this so odd??


i kept thinking that the people that wrote the reviews... they must have had a very very fun time doing that... laughing their silly pink behinds off no less...



well i won't be opening any of these emails again so eagerly for the whole office to take notice of... see that pic with the streamers? well i called over my colleague... and we pretty much looked exactly like that discussing the various toys for sale :) what can i say? we apparently amuse easily...



Tuesday, August 19, 2008

aloha :)

that's what i need... an island vacation... it's that time of year again, I'm slightly... hmmm rather hugely burned out... overworked, underpaid... blah blah blah... i hit rock bottom this morning when i filled my car up, R529 for a tank of petrol! I'm still in shock... well, i need a long long holiday... to escape being an adult for about a month... to have no worries and no responsibilities... imagine if the only responsibilities you had was to make sure that you cover yourself in suntan lotion and to keep the waiter on his toes with supplying you with endless g&t's... but.... I've got to wait another bloody 5 months... in those five months i will work my sweet little ass into a standstill, move house, settle in, write exams with Kay... and hopefully save enough money to enjoy my December~fun~in~the~sun~holiday :)




*thinking positive thoughts*
~failing miserably~

Monday, August 18, 2008

if you don't like the word fuck, well move on...


as you all know ~ i hate Mondays... but this particular Monday, well let's just say i haven't felt like this in quite some time... and it all began with my tonsils... let me take you back...

i had a headache Saturday night and took some aspirin... and the damn aspirin just wouldn't go down, felt like it held onto my damn tonsils for dear life... anyway... so in that moment of weakness i phoned my kids... that there act of motherly love i just should not have done... easy as that... i chat to Kay, he passes the phone to Jay... mommy I'm cold he says... well sweetheart i know we're not the richest people around but hell you've got warm clothes, go put them on! i can't mommy... why (the fuck!) not sweety???? well the brat is sleeping in our room and... sweety just give the phone to your (fucking) daddy ok? love you...

batman: yeah?
me: what the fuck??
batman: huh?
me: why can't he put on warm clothes??? surely the (fucking) brat won't wake up if somebody tiptoes into the room so that MY kid can get some warm clothes?
batman: (at this stage he's fuming for some reason, maybe it's because he doesn't like me of all people to tell him what to do)... i told jay to get warm clothes earlier, but he didn't, so now it's too late, end of story...
me: are you drunk? you do sound drunk batman... are you actually smashed while in care of my kids??
batman: I'm not drunk! I'm not! these fucking kids.... ~click~ puts the phone down....


at this stage i felt horrible... i was the reason that they were at that moment getting screamed at by their father... because i pissed him off... i felt horrible...

event number two: yesterday morning Kay phones me, mom i fainted on Saturday night... excuse me baby WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY???? i fainted mom! i honest to goodness fainted! (strangely excited about this)... and nobody thought to phone me?? fuck

event number three: after lunch on Sunday i get an sms (text) from batman... Kay is not feeling well, he's been sleeping the whole day... wtf??? and you only let me know this now???? an hour later he's there to drop them off... Kay is on fire... he's fever was 39.7... i nearly had a fit... it took 3 hours for me to break the fever...

but before asshole batman gets to leave i have a little word with him outside:

me:so you were drunk on Saturday? i told you i don't want you drinking while the kids are there! batman: i can drink as much as i like woman...

me: no you can't fucktard!
batman: i don't want to talk about this anymore...
me: excuse me?
batman: just let it be...
me: no i won't!
*reverses his car*

me screaming: HOW OLD ARE YOU BATMAN, SERIOUSLY YOU ARE SUCH A CHILD... (how ironic is that i know!)

*tyres screeches around the corner*... well he didn't take that well... and no i don't live in a trailer park...

other tit bits i picked up from the kids after they were dropped off that pissed me off even further...
  • batman wants to sell Kay's pit bike, it's not his to sell!!
  • batman and bat girl wants the kids to go over to their place, yes they're officially shagging up now, next weekend (my weekend) cause the bat family, her family will be visiting... I'm sorry, this is my problem how??

will somebody just please hold him down so that i can bloody well... i typed and deleted quite a few interesting things to do to him ...

so basically I'm getting tired of being the one who keeps my mouth shut to have peace... cause he seems to get away with everything! but i don't know if it's worth it... to have constant shouting and near murderous scenarios around the kids is not the right thing... so i just needed to vent a bit... hopefully i feel better soon....and stop acting like a child myself... cause the person i was this weekend, well i don't like to be her, i don't know what happened to me... and i'll just have to stop this shit... *sigh*

Friday, August 15, 2008

wacky friday fun :)

I think I should buy Angel and Glugs a bed like this :)

how is this for a fashion statement?!


this is actually quite a cool gadget!


mwhahahahhha!!!


Thursday, August 14, 2008

party favours :)

so you all laughed your asses of at me yesterday?! ha! it was such a weird thing for me to do, if you told me a year ago i would put a 3 minute vlog of myself on the net i would have laughed my ass off at you! and i know it's arse... not ass... but i love to say ass and not arse... arse sounds so stuck up you have to admit... so thanks for all your hilarious comments... i giggled like a school girl with each one :)

i love to laugh... i really do... and I've grown up in a household where a little joke every two minutes was kind of expected... so i got with the program... so my question to you today is... what stuff can you do that makes other's laugh other than the jokes i mean, stuff you do with your face or your body that is just so freaky people just have to laugh...

i have this wacky thing i do with my lip... if my teeth are dry... i know such a random odd thing... everybody gets a dry tooth every now and again hehe... i pull my top lip to the inside... and then i basically have no top lip... this totally freaks my kids out... and i just laugh my ass of every time i do this... i always do it in a very serious conversation too... they kind of don't appreciate it for some reason... mwhahahahahahahha


jay has a special talent too... he can flip his eyelids.... so gross!!! but so funny... kay's talent is that he can twist his tongue... really difficult... it provides endless hours of laughter because i just can't flippen well get mine to twist! oh and i can move my ears... and i can almost touch my nose with my tongue... and you see that picture with the woman with the really big lips? i can do that too!!! LOL you flip your bottom lip out and you stick out your tongue and kind of twist it up... so much fun to try to kiss an unsuspecting person with those lips..... *shriek! run for the hills!*



at Christmas time... when my whole family is sitting around the table... we sometimes do our tricks... it's such a special day after all :)
so what's your poison??

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

why oh why did i do this?

yes... i did it... i must have been drunk... but i wasn't... sleepy jane did a vlog recently, she's actually done two so far... great balls of fire... good on you girlfriend... you're gutsy as hell :)honestly if i ever had any ideas of becoming a movie star or a TV presenter... well let's just say... i won't be leaving my day job any time soon to venture into that! OK here's shortly what I've learnt about doing a video blog thingy... oy


  • it's probably not a good idea to NOT wear make up if you want to record yourself

  • it's such a stupid idea not to have thought to do something with your hair, like hmmm let me think... make yourself look presentable?

  • it's probably not a good idea to do this recording late at night

  • it's probably not a good idea to do the recording in your flannel pj's...

  • i won't get any awards for taping this cause i suck at it...

  • it's probably not such a good idea to have half my head cut off in the recording
    i was wearing my tiara for the occasion... and well... you can't see it cause half my head is cut off!

this is as good as it's going to get... cause i'm sure as shit not doing this again :)
so without any further ado... here i am... sweets in flannels :)



video

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

awesome


Death twitches my ear.


"Live," he says...
"I am coming."



~ Virgil (Publius Vergilius Maro)


oh my greatness... am i the only one that got goosies after reading that quote? I'm quite a quote fanatic... like songs~ quotes does things to my soul... anyway... I'm off to a ladies brunch... a corporate event... so I'm wearing my power suit and my high heels... the entertainment for this morning? Nataniel... can't wait!... you either love or hate him...personally think he's a genius... OK I'm off...


go read that quote again!!!

makes you think all the "ride it like it's stolen thoughts" doesn't it?

Monday, August 11, 2008

monday blues


argh... Monday... seriously needs to be scrapped but i guess nobody has the energy to do that either...

anyhoodle...

weekend... very relaxed... spent in a very dirty house... the damn place is being painted and the painter, let me just say has no brains whatsoever... everything i mean everything is covered in a thick disgusting layer of dust... and he broke a glass vase of mine, there were two but he broke the real pretty one and left me with the ugly one... i mean honestly... so I've decided not to touch a thing until they finish tomorrow... to say that i was pissed on Friday when i walked in my house... a tiny bit of an understatement...

then on Sunday i met batman's new shag... please note that I'm really trying to be nice... so I'll just keep my mouth shut and wipe the vomit from the corners of my mouth... even Kay mentioned that I was quite rude... oops... i honestly don't know what got over me... it was just so fucking awkward and ag whatever... it happened... my kids noticed... sigh... i guess i can't like them all can I!?? (edited in: when i read asylum's comment i thought i should add this: it doesn't help that the new shag is an old shag batman had an affair with while we were married... flaunting it now somehow just got to me... I'm human after all it seems... so the new shags i can pretty much handle but the old one's... not so much)

hmmm other than that not much news... except... you don't like my header???

gasp!!!

gasp!!!

gasp!!!

I'm not crazy about it either... but nothing has grabbed me so far to fall in love with... and I'm tired of the old header... so Greg... hint hint :) so this will have to do until i get inspired... don't hold your breath sheebs... you don't like my fishies??!! oy... ok i changed it back to something else... for now...

you guys have a fantabulous week... i sure as shit hope i do, i got to stay positive :)

Friday, August 8, 2008

seriously fucked up

mwhahahahahahahaha i think my sense of humor needs some serious tweaking... funny stuff this joke non the less... it's like my legendary Mary-Lou joke... after you've laughed your ass off you realise... shit it would not be considered "polite" to laugh at this joke... ok before the joke...

today is the 8th day of the 8th month of 2008, and on my clock it's now 8 minutes past 8... how cool is that?!

have a good weekend ya'll!



There are four blokes in a prison cell together: a zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac and an gay guy.

The zoophile sighs and says, "You know, if there was a cat here I'd fuck it til I pass out."

The sadist nods, and sighs, "And once you were done with it, i'd torture it until it died."

The necrophiliac leans in and agrees, "Oh yeah, and once it was dead I'd fuck it til I passed out too."



"The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "miaow"...

Thursday, August 7, 2008

the abyss

OK I'm all serious today :)


a few weeks ago an old friend of mine committed suicide, she was 33, had three babies under 6 and one day she just jumped off a bridge onto the highway... nogal on her birthday...

I'm still shocked... shocked and numb... and for some reason i just can't get her out of my head... it makes no sense to me at all... at what point is jumping off a bridge easy? what does that solve? how selfish is that to take your own life and leave your family behind? in what state of mind do you have to be to not think of your three kids, your husband, your family that's on their way to celebrate your birthday... and just get on the railing and jump...

it's truly horrific and i just don't get it... and for that I'm sorry... I'm sorry that i didn't see the signs, sorry i didn't see the desperation... sorry all i could think was condescending irritable thoughts...
her suicide really shook me cause i knew what a kind person she was and doing something that horrific just wasn't who she was... i just don't understand... since her death I've desperately tried to understand, I've talked to my mom at length about it, she gave me a book to read about depression... and i admit i understand a little bit better now... but i still struggle... it's so foreign to me... sure i get down in the dumps, i've been through some horrible stuff in my life that when i look back now i thank God that somehow i got through it, without thinking that taking my own life was an option... and for that i'm thankful, but it seems sort of hollow to me now, unfair that i'm safe... i can't imagine that someone could take their life just because they thought it's the only way out...

i have another friend who suffers from depression, on and off her meds, and if i don't hear from her i know... she's stepped into the abyss... she doesn't want to talk to me when she's depressed... which is quite understandable... feeling like that am I'm like... sweety get your ass in gear, honestly, life is never that bad!... just not the type of thing you want to hear i guess... so there's no point really to my post, just a bit of a wake up call for me... that my reality is not my neighbours... that depression is indeed a reality ... so I'll try my best to be a better friend, to not judge, to not want to fix everything, to be there and to try to understand this beast called depression that pulls so many into it's belly and just won't let go...
peace out

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

bucket list


have you seen the movie The bucket list? it's an excellent movie... really loved it... cried like a baby... but who wouldn't right?... anyway! onto my own bucket list...
i think everyone should have a list like this... so if you don't have one, make one today, or start making one, i think it's a work in progress... one thing that I've always wanted to do before i push up daisies was to bungee jump, and hell yes i did that, and even if it was the worst experience of my life, I'm still glad i did it, it's a goal that i set myself, not a very difficult one, i know, but for me, because of whatever, that was one of my goals... and there you go... i did it, so here is the rest of my bucket list...if you haven't seen the movie... it's a list of things you want to do before you kick the proverbial bucket ;)

in no particular order!

  • go to Wimbledon.
  • visit the Greek Isles then proceed to...

  • shag a sexy Greek dude on one of those fishing boats.. :)

  • stand on top of a pyramid

  • run a half marathon

  • learn to pole dance

  • ride a stallion on a beach, a real horse you perverts...

  • go on a road trip all by myself

  • see both my boys graduate from university... (sigh the mother in me so want this so badly, in my dreams Kay is the rocket scientist and Jay is the doctor *sigh*)

  • hike up Table mountain, i know i should probably aim higher right? Kilimanjaro?

  • learn to belly dance

  • ride an ostrich

  • swim with dolphins

  • do something with photography

  • become a goldsmith

  • go on a hiking trip down the SA and Namibian coastline from Richardsbay to Swakopmund, hike during the day and sleep on the beach at night, this would be amazing but not very possible I'm afraid.

  • New Orleans and the Mardi Gras
  • visit the Taj Mahal
  • do a tandem parachute jump

  • visit as many overseas countries as possible, i love travelling.

hmmm, compared to other people my list is probably a little lame right, well it's my list and that is what i wanna do~ so there ;)

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

whazzup!?

here's a bit of feedback on current issues in my life...


  • I'm moving house end of august... I'm very UNenthusiastic about it, i hate packing, i hate moving... but I'm looking forward to the R900 saving I'll make every month!

  • my new landlord is younger than i am, he seems like a nice enough guy but neither of us backs down when there is conflict... according to new housing laws, my landlord is supposed to keep my deposit in a interest bearing account... he refuses to!!!... so i sent him a link to the housing act, pointing out that i've got him by the short and curlies... he's now ignoring me... or rather the issue... how stupid can one person be i ask you? not exactly a wonderful start to our new "relationship"...

  • i phoned the headmaster about the drunk teacher... he was, needless to say, not impressed! i stayed anonymous... for fear of said drunkan teacher whoopin my poor kid's ass...

  • I've had a very interesting tarot reading done the other day by expensive mistakes... I'm still wondering if i should tell you guys about it... I've never had a reading before so it was quite interesting to say the least...

  • summer is around the corner~!!! see i didn't say spring cause summer always bulldozes spring here where i live, one day it's still winter and BOOM baby next day~ summer's here! sorry northern hemisphere... the cold ~ it's on its way :)

  • my boss is on a three week holiday... *goofy laugh* needless to say I'm lovin it!

  • sleepy jane did a video blog the other day... for some reason i am very tempted to do one too... *shakes head at self* why? i have no idea!

  • while at a braai at glug's & angel this weekend, i was introduced to klippies and coke in a blikkie! (can)... omg i was so excited!! i'm used to the self mix... for those who don't know... klippies is brandy mixed with coke... i know so middle class right?!

don't care!!!

ish delichhhhhhhhhhhious :)





Monday, August 4, 2008

13... can you believe it?!


that's right... Kay's 13 today... I'm actually the mother of a 13 year old... oy :)


happy birthday my baby, i can't believe you're such a big, friendly, funny guy... when did you grow up so fast?... i remember the day you were born like yesterday... you were so tiny and beautiful and mine :)


I'm feeling hugely nostalgic today for some reason, teary which is not like me and humbled...i can honestly say that my life is a better place because you're in it, i wouldn't have it any other way... it's such a cliche but I'm so proud of you! you are the one person who has stuck with me through all the shitty times, not that you had much of a choice i admit... but still... i don't know if you realise how worth while you've made these last 13 years...

i love you forever and always... rock on :)




Friday, August 1, 2008

hey hey it's Friday

it's Friday... thank God...
have a blast babes :)~







 
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