running scared

sars was so sweet, they sent me an sms first thing this morning to remind me to write down the kilometers on my car, end of the tax year and all that... kind of creepy though... they've literally got my number!! oh yeah and it's the 29th of Feb today... leap year and all!! do whatever you're supposed to do on this wacky day... what that is i have no clue ;)

anyway onto more serious stuff...

I have two boys as you know.

Wonderful funny guys whom I love to bits.

I would literally die for them.

Now although their father also loves them dearly, ok probably more than just “dearly” but if I had to measure his love and my love for our kids I would kick his ass … here’s the thing… I have had this nagging, silent, ignored fear that one rainy day my boys will ask me if it’s ok for them to go live with their dad.

Fuck I will really die if that should ever happen. Cause it does happen, when the hormones roll in, the not-so-strict weekend dad looks real inviting. And the thing is you think you know your kids, I mean I really do think I know them better then they know themselves, but I’ve heard of single mom’s “losing” their kids, and becoming weekend moms, if that.

So here I am confessing one of my biggest fears. I know I’m going to “lose” them anyway to adulthood, Kay in about 6 to 8 years and Jay 10-12 years, leaving my little nest, cool~ I can deal with that ...

~but to dump me for their Dad??

Good gracious I’ll have a royal fit if that ever happens. Cause that’s what sucks about being divorced, I’m the one who has to be the bad cop pretty much all of the time...

eat your veggies!!

brush your teeth!!

do your homework!!

go to sleep!!

etc etc etc…

and daddy… he picks them up and for that 48 hours they do just about anything they want to do, they come home after a weekend without having bathed, brushed their teeth or even clean underwear on, I shit you not.

Luckily our family law is quite strict, not easily will the court give full custody to the dad, and if so gross misconduct must be proven against the mom or she has to give up custody voluntarily.

So I just hope they play nice with mommy and don’t spring that shit on me one day soon, I really don’t know what I would do.

hope your weekend rock!!

keywords

After a bit of research I finally found out how to find what keywords are used to get to my blog… other than you usual beauties that is!

Good grief, I was horrified!!!

I won’t tell you about the absolute perverted, sick, certifiable people out there… and the search words they use, these are some of the more amusing ones… and made me realize that i am normal, thank God, after all!

Testicle door knocker ~ I’m sorry did I ever write about this…??

Ass updates ~ oh my word, that makes no sense at all…

how to fuck yourself in the ass ~ huh??? Get help!!! Today!

you've got sweetness ass in the world ~ aha…yes I do ;)

my best friend loves my moms ass~ you have a problem bud, be afraid, be very afraid.

Sweetest Ass In The World 2008 ~ this can be so much fun… mwhahahahahahaha!

what a child can say to a second time divorcee~ i hope it wasn’t a kid googling this phrase, that is just sad…

irish blowjobs~ ??? hmmm I think I’ll have to google that too ;)

sweet old ass~ yuck yuck yuck… gross

i rest my case... i am normal after all!

mid week break

good news and bad news

(note: if there are huge spaces between my paragraphs... i give up... it's spaced normally but blogger seems to think the huge spaces between the paragraphs looks funky, so have mercy)

i hate it when someone asks me that... you wanna hear the good news of the bad news? cause 9 times out of 10 the good news is never good enough to make up for the bad news now is it?... anyway my good news is pretty good and my bad news isn't all that bad so.......

i got a pay raise... oh yeah... not huge but makes quite a difference...



BUT...

i had to ask for it, felt more like begging... that sucked, i felt horrible, and then my boss said "no sorry i don't think you are getting a raise this year" and i'm like... wmahahahaha... shit you're serious??!! and then i just told her straight... dear boss... that does not suit me... hell woman i'm a single parent, i don't live a luxurious life... i just get by... life get's more expensive every year... gimme a break! ... then she gave in... kinda pissed me off... but i got what i wanted... bitter sweet somehow.

bad news: a horrible spider bit me... 5 fucking times! the thought of a spider taking a leisurely stroll all over my body is just about enough to freak me out... i imagine it walking over my eyes and my mouth and yikes that's just too much... and it hurts and itches like hell... went to the pharmacy... pulled down my pants and pulled up my shirt... oh yes... i had to... he was amazed and the precision of the little bugger... four bites on my tailbone... precisely underneath each other... and a random bite on my back, that one is really itchy.... argh... this happened last week thursday and it still itches!!!!!! i'm like a little old woman, walking around with a tube of cream when the itching get's too much... i smell slightly antiseptic today...

letting go

I've been divorced now for roughly 2 years... that's about 730days, 17520 hours... that's a long time right. I've moved on with so many different parts of my life, for the first time I was independent, I married very young, I was only 19 years old the first time.

It was a huge adjustment when I got divorced but I have to admit that I have flourished since then. I have found myself again, I'm happy, I'm confident. Those are all great things to achieve personally and I would really not change any of it. I had a conversation with my Mom a while back, we discussed the disaster that was my marriages. But she made a very interesting observation, she said that even she's not sorry about the fact that I ever married my ex, because not many people meet someone and love that insensely. So like the age old saying goes... it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

And for me at least, that was and is true. The highs were incredibly high and the lows just unbelievably devastating, but the fact remains that I truly loved. I daresay and am quite reluctant to admit it to myself, but in a way he was the one for me, cause when I said goodbye to my marriage I gave up my lover and my best friend.

It's something that I still struggle with but thank God don't hold on to anymore, the fact that i truly loved this man once. And what i struggled so much with was that if you do in fact truly love someone then how on God's green earth is it possible to just not love that person anymore?

I would never admit this to my ex and for that matter anyone else but as much as i hate this man I still love him and probably always will. Loving him doesn't mean that I will take him back into my bed or allow him back into my life, that part is forever over and I will never ever allow myself to go down that road again. But thankfully the fierce love that I felt for him for 15 years (I met him when I was 16), that intensity is gone~ for I truly let him go, my heart doesn't break when I see him with another woman, but I care for his wellbeing, I care what happens to him and how he is, I wish him well, just as you do everybody that you love.

That may be strange and it has taken me 2 years to get to this point where I could actually admit it to myself, and that in itself is quite liberating. It's ok that I still love him, if I claimed that I did back then when we were married and could only look at him now, after the divorce with disdain, that love would not have been true love.

My point is probably not very clear I know, but I need to send this out there, to maybe find a place for that last little jigsaw piece for me to admit that this man changed my world and that that was ok, that he brought many things to me and that I was grateful that I found something with him~ cause that was significant to me. So maybe this is a tribute to that what once was, that's what my shrink once said I need to know that everything, even all the bad, maybe especially all the bad, had significance, was worth something, if it didn't, well I could just not live with that fact quite frankly.

It may not be important to anybody else, even to him, but it is to me and I need to be true to myself. I've let go of him, we both are very comfortable with each other now, things have finally settled down and an unspoken truce and peace now prevails. And for that I am thankful, i've needed to make peace with the fact that it's ok to “love” him still, I don't hope that things will work out, that's not it. I just want him to be happy, just like I know he wants me to be happy.

I will find someone again to love, I know that, but for now I am just happy to be at peace, not wracked with a desire to love again, cause love can bring the best and the worst in me, it's a all consuming thing for me~ to love, and I think I need a bit of rest before I can give all of myself again.

so for the last time...

goodbye my lover

goodbye my friend

you have been the one for me

hoytitoyti

see this beautiful...

stunning...

holiday resort??

i'm going!!!

oh my word people i have been invited to go on a seven day break, all expenses paid, by my dear brother nogal... to this divine spot... haha... i'm still in shock... but this is where i'll by lounging my sweet ass next month this time...!!!

unreal...!!!

it is a little strange that my bro invited me and my kids to go... but hey i'm grateful and it will actually be fun to spend some time with him and his family... never get to do that...!!

have a wonderful weekend ya'll...

i'll be day dreaming of sand and sun and walks on the beach and horse riding on the beach and tanning this ghost-like sweet ass of mine and sipping countless gin and tonics and playing golf and riding around like a maniac in the little golf car and sleeping late every morning and ... you get the idea right?

bye bye baby

if you haven't noticed... take a look... i've lost my "divorced with a sweet ass" label...

it got sort of lame... real quick... so thanks, yet again, to Greg for saving my sweet ass once more, he did the header, something i have no clue how to even attemp, so thanks Greg, i owe you one!

looks great i think... so i am still divorced but not lugging that around any more... now i'm just sweets... ok...? ok!

so after my bitchfit yesterday... i leave you with a bit of comic relief...

enough already

ok before i jump into my more serious post i thought i would put up my revised list of things i simply cannot live without ...

• kids, family (good save eh? put them together like that)
• penis, really good point Matt, just a little bit weird listing my need for a penis together with my kids on the same list, but important? hell yes
• toilet paper, tampons and moisturizer (haha, yeah tampons are actually more important than TP, believe me) and don't forget the toothbrush
• health and running shoes
• food, friends and laughter

remember i wasn't planning to enter survivor, it was just a sort of wishy washy list that ~ i don't know... seemed relevant at the time.... mwhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahaha... obviously not :)

another thing... i got a sms from Sheebee last night... she told me to tell you all that she's fine, she said she's distracted at the moment.... i hope for her sake it's something on my list... wink wink... that's distracting her... i worry about her too much... sheebee return to blogland soon please, we all miss you!!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ok, beware i have a severe case of pms brewing... and this is what happens when i get pms:

i'm so fed up with two total opposite sides of our country... the one side is the bloody criminals and the other side the fleeing frenzy of south africans leaving. i'm actually not fed up, that is such a light word for what i'm feeling, i'm really pissed off at both sides.

let me tackle the fleeing follies first... i get why you want to leave, that's not my problem but if i look at one more newspaper or watch one more television documentary on the amount of people or rather, excuse me, professionals leaving this country i think i will spit at the nearest object... i get it, you don't like it here, you don't feel safe, etc etc etc ad infinitum... so go... really... don't talk about it anymore, just fucking leave please and leave the rest of us who still want to be here. go... what are you waiting for? go... voertsek... go see if the grass is beautifully manicured and heavenly green over the sea... really i bid thee a loving farewell, just go. i'm am sick to my stomach of all the negativity.

for me there is no option, i'm stuck here, i want to be here, my family is here, my parents, everything i know and love is nestled in this world i call home. in another 15 years my brother can sponsor me to go to the US, will I go, i sure as shit hope it won't be necessary.

that brings me to the other side of the coin. the generation of killers. the rapists that rape old woman and kill and shoot innocent children. make no mistake, i'm not preaching about racism here, please don't throw that insult my way. i'm talking about the everyday occurence of reality we live with in this country. i've decided to get myself a gun license and then obviously a gun, and i'm going to wear that sucker on my person 24/7... all butch like, but if that what is necessary, hey i'm first in line. and i'll be ready, if a fucking animal breaks into my house, thinking he's going to rape and kill me and my kids, well sucker, be warned i'm going to splatter your brains all across one of my walls. i hope and pray that will never be necessary, believe me.

i'm committed to a better south africa.

i believe we live in one of the greatest most beautiful countries in the world.

i want my boys to love this country the way i do.

i am not able to give up the essence that is africa, that which means everything to me.

if i have to die in the godforsaken country, so be it, i will laugh at the fucking asshole who plants an axe in my back. he'll have to hide though, cause i'll haunt him forever and a day ... and then some.

7 things

i was tagged by glugs a while back, to be honest i can't quite remember what i'm supposed to do in this meme, glugs listed 7 positive things in his life...

so i decided to add one and list 8 things i simply cannot live without...

• my kids


• family


• running shoes


• health


• friends


• moisturizer


• toothbrush


• laughter
  

weekend fun

my family, that's me and my 2 boys, my mom and dad, my sister, b~i~l and their 3 boys ~made a new years resolution to go on more outings together... so one weekend per month we go somewhere that we've never been to.

... last month we had a picnic at the botanical gardens which was surprisingly nice and now, february we went to the Groenkloof Nature Reserve... i must be honest i didn't even know the place existed, and we had so much fun, really a special day...

apparently there are quite a lot of wild animals about, but we made so much noise the poor animals probably ran like hell.

the day after!

valentine's day was not such an awful day after all...

i met the greatest guy!!!

naaaaahhhh just yankin' your chain.... haha... snork... haha.... but i did have a nice day!

kay was all excited yesterday morning...

"mommy mommy i have the coolest valentine ever!"

yeah?? i was so excited, i thought he had a new girlfriend at school...

who?? who???

what's her name?

is she nice?

when will i meet her???

... and he says... "no silly... it's you!"

kayoot...! he is such a sweetheart... jay gave me a beautiful (plastic) red rose with a note that said " you are the best "... sschweeeeeet! couldn't ask for a better day :)

i bought them a tin of chocolates to share, devine stuff, and made each of them a valentine's card, they loved it and was very surprised.... i even cooked a proper dinner for my guys ... miracles do still happen ;)

here are some baby pics i found of my babies that are babies no more, looking at pics like this makes me incredibly sad and proud and broody all at the same time... they were so bloody cute!!... look at those little faces man!... what happened to these babies??? so beware mommies, one day they look like this and the next ... they wear bigger shoes than you!

that day i dread...

the day i dread...

this day...

happy valentine's day

to all of you lucky one's

who's got someone to

...ahem... love :)

mid week break

The only disability in life is a bad attitude

– Scott Hamilton

this piece of eye candy definitely has a bad attitude...

but i really just don't care ;)

if that there is a disability then i don't know...

apparantly he is a new model for Dolce & Gabbana's...

even with those funny glasses and floppy hat...

he's the closest thing to perfection i've seen since brad pitt

sorry boys but this was too good not to share with the ladies...

it's another two days till weekend...

we need all the inspiration we can get!!

i'm smarter than a 5th grader

my son is now in 7th grade ... i can honestly say that i THINK i'm smarter than a 5th grader... i have to sit with him when he's preparing for exams so i think i know everything he does... but on sunday i watched the south african version of the show and the first question was ... how many wings does a butterfly have... it helps if you actually think before you answer such a stupid question... needless to say i had the answer wrong to the great amusement of my son and his cousin who is 7 years old and who both knew the answer... grrr... i know!!!! i am really just a wee bit stupid...LOL... i can say it... you can't ~ so resist the urge... i beg you... so i guess i'm really not smarter than a 5th grader after all...

i still wonder why on earth the soufff effrican school system had to change from standards to grades... i know you just add 2... but it just doesn't sound right... and it took me the longest time to get used to it... there is a certain feel to your standard five year and to your standard six year and to your matric year that is now... grade 7... grade 8 and grade12... just doesn't have the same ring to it...! back in the day if you said you were now in standard 5 it meant something... now you say grade 7 and the old fogies say... what is that?... is that standard four or five deary???...

so anyway...back to grade 7...i was going through my son's afrikaans work he has to write one of these days...and there is literally 20 million types of different types of words in the afrikaans language...and would someone just tell me ... WHY THE HELL IS THIS IMPORTANT??...really... i've gone to school, all of you have, but have you ever, ok granted if you are a language fundi or a proper writer or such you probably use it... but have you as a normal person ever had to write a sentence ... and wondered to yourself... hmmmm i wonder if i should use a pronoun right about here? i don't think so...

so then i started philosiphising about the shit all kids world wide have to learn off by heart during their 12 year journey through school ...just to never actually use in the real world... crazy... what i would love my kids to grasp is that being at school is the most carefree time of your life, where you get to see your best buddies every day, have a sleep over every weekend, and have a new crush every other week... and that i think is priceless... to not have to worry about money and have absolutely no responsibilities is in my mind absolutele bliss... unfortunately you don't realize this until it's too late...such a pity i think...

i would give my whole front row of pearly whites to have my years at school back...i probably won't be very popular without any front teeth... but still so much fun to be had...!!!

so all the millions of useless facts i was taught at school i will classify as “general knowledge” ... which is handy i know... extremely general but probably usefull to classify yourself as a normal human being... if no one ever taught me that soil had layers, i would definitely be a lesser person right now... so here's a list of things that i learnt at school that was of infinate more use to me in real life, i'll call these life/social skills/good memories :)

• school taught me to have a thick skin, kids are the cruelest creatures that have ever existed, this is quite a handy tool to carry with you throughout your life... i still remember bursting out in tears when one boy asked why i wore lipstick to school in grade 1, i was highly offended, i had natural red little lips, for some reason i took this as a huge insult...


• we had these clubs going where you could exchange things like writing paper... oh boy that was the highlight of our year... i learnt how to negotiate to trade five sheets of really pretty paper for my one sheet of absolutely beautiful writing paper.... LOL .... good grief ....


• in high school, the higher you pulled up your dress~ the more attention you got...


• to scream like a woman posessed when your school team is winning a rugby game


• to laugh with your mouth open and legs spread next to your ears because that joke told was just the funniest thing you've ever heard, and you're friends don't laugh at you cause their legs are in exaclty the same position as yours...


• to eat as much as possible sweets during break if it's someone's birthday and to not worry about the weight you might put on


• to make friends that you will call your best friends for the rest of your life


• that share your memories of your first kiss, your first period and your first party is quite something to reminiscent about when you're 36 ... because your best friend when you were 8 is still one of your best friends when you are 36

basically the only useful skill i was taught in highschool...in a classroom, along with maths... was typing...now that i'm thankful for every day of my life... and of course to read and write, that always comes in handy...

yikes... jimmy choo's

i never post about politics, well i may have innocently mentioned something yesterday... but that won't be happening again soon... politics, religion... that's like talking about ovaries and prostate cancer... really not the nicest of topics... and needless to say, nobody agrees with anybody... least of all me ;)

let's rather talk about trivial, unimportant, laughable stuff like... my lack of shoes... i seriously need to get the girly~shoe~hormones going, when other woman talk about having millions pairs of shoes and never ever having enough shoes i think to myself... i'm missing something somewhere, but what????????????... my shoes match all my outfits... sure what girl can say no to jimmy choo's but honestly... who can afford those? so does my lack of wanting shoes like other woman make me less of a woman, no i know it doesn't but for some reason it really irritates me that there seems to be this global concsciousness... about shoes... woman can be such bitches... i don't need to be trampled on because i don't like to have more than five pairs of shoes... if we had a shoe contest with running shoes... i'd kick ass... but strappy sandly dainty shoes, i like to look at them, sure... but as soon as i look at the price tag... ugly and expensive!

ok... i have to admit... that shoe in the pic is stunning... maybe i will have to get myself a pair like that for "special" occasions, maybe i have a few racey~red~stiletto~hormones after all ;)

sometimes

sometimes i'm sickened by our world...unfortunately only sometimes.

but like everybody else i see what's happening in the world, the genocide, the "democracy" fought for by "freedom fighters", some of the soldiers the age of my own two boys... and i turn away to go on with my own life...

i am blessed to live in a country where i can say and do pretty much anything i want to... i am safe... mostly... but i am also free...

we have achieved the democracy that many african countries claim to want and for that i am grateful, but i also know that on our road to freedom we were also puppets and maybe still are... and that... scares me...so i turn my head away and protect what is mine... i'm informed, conscience of others suffering... but that's about it... doesn't go any further than that.... so what... what is the purpose of building "awareness"... when it seems all the powerful nations in our world must also be "aware" of what is happening to millions of innocent people... and yet they don't do a thing to change it.

i don't know what's wrong with me but i keep missing unbelievable movies that's been released years ago... where was I?... i have no clue... i saw Lord of War today... brilliant movie, not because of anything else but the simple fact that it shows how absolutely evil human kind can be...

so, like the rest of the world, i resign myself that there is nothing much i can personally do to change the world, except maybe sign a petition here or there or stick a bumper sticker on my car... would i feel better if i did that?... did i save anybody's life by doing that?...no.

50 things about me...

50 things about me… Expensive mistakes tagged me...

Good luck reading this!

1. I’m grossly impatient, not a good characteristic I know but it gets the job done, that’s about the only good thing about it.
2. I love my hobbies, crafty things, but I haven’t done anything in about 2 years.
3. I don’t like to cuddle, except with my kids, I think I should talk to my shrink about this. I'm not a pedophile or a child molester so don't worry.
4. I don’t go to my shrink anymore, I went for about 6 sessions, my sister insisted, and I have to admit it did wonders for me, but I was impatient, didn’t like the waiting and working through issues, so the last time I just told her: I think I’m healed… halleluja it’s a miracle!
5. I have green fingers, not literally har har… but haven’t planted anything in years.
6. There is a pattern here…I need to start gardening and making crafty things.
7. I love nurseries, all those plants… I love buying plants almost as much as I like…
8. stationary… pens, pencils, notebooks… I love buying stationary almost as much as I like…
9. sex… yes face it if you don’t like sex, you’re doing something wrong.
10. I work because I have to not because I want to. This is not good; I need to change my attitude.
11. I am by nature not a goal oriented person but recently I have changed... and for some reason I don’t like change. That just doesn't make any sense now does it?
12. I am a rehabilitated nail biter.
13. I am addicted to coffee and cigarettes.
14. I don’t like alcohol much, I go through phases, I recently ended my G&T phase, I’m quite sad about that but maybe I drank too much of the stuff. Before that it was spritzers, a mix between white wine and sprite. I tried red wine but I don’t like it much, maybe I should buy wine that costs more than R30 a bottle, apparently that helps.
15. I don’t cook. I prepare food but I don’t cook, there is a difference. I hate even having a kitchen in my house, if I wasn’t responsible for the well being of two short people I would never ever cook.
16. Having said that I I love watching cooking channels.
17. I am an insomniac.
18. Eating bananas makes me sleepy; I think I should donate my body to science when I die.
19. Guess what I do in the middle of night when I can’t sleep? I eat a banana.
20. I hate cell phones. I know they're handy but the person who developed them shouldn’t be proud of himself.
21. I am a right brainer. This basically means that I struggle to learn things left brainers fly through. I wish somebody told me this when I was at school it would have saved me many moments of feeling like the dumbest kid in my class.
22. I hate cleaning up my email inbox.
23. The fact that blogger's spell checker doesn't work is driving me barking mad.
24. I have bunions, yikes eh? They developed at a very young age, so I’ve never really wore high heels much so you barely notice them now.
25. I love panties. I have a huge drawer full of them. If I go shopping and I see a beautiful panty, I have to buy it.
26. I don’t think UFO’s exist, really that’s just dumb.
27. There is a reason why I don’t get DSTV (cable tv?). I would never move away from the TV. I get addicted to TV so I don’t even tempt myself.
28. I haven’t pampered myself in a long long time; I do my own facials, pedicures and manicures. The only thing I have done is my hair and my eyebrows.
29. I started sprouting grey hair when I was 21, very unfair.
30. I’ve only broken one bone in my body, my ankle bone… it’s connected to my leg bone, my leg bone’s connected to my knee bone… I love that song, why? I really don’t know.
31. I love music but can never remember artist’s names or song names.
32. Dancing? Can’t dance but love to dance anyway.
33. One of the most difficult things of all time for me is to save money, I intend to go on a mommy~and~two~boys Christmas holiday and plan to save as much as I can. I actually saved some money in January.
34. I don’t like ice cream, except Danish chocolate ice cream.
35. You will be able to get anything out of me if you give me a packet of Simba Salt and Vinegar chips. Sinful.
36. Did I mention that I like Simba Salt and Vinegar chips, I really do.
37. I also like cocktail pickles, the small potent kind.
38. As soon as I get a raise in March I plan get myself a cleaning lady, but maybe I shouldn’t count my chickens yet.
39. I love cheap sunglasses. I have the coolest pair at the moment.
40. Silver jewelry is what I wear, I love rings and bangles.
41. When the phone rings at home, I have to answer it, like when someone is at the door. I am too curious to not answer, how do people just leave a phone ringing or the doorbell... how do people do that?
42. I buy myself a diary every year but never use it; I like the idea of having a diary.
43. I am a big spender. I have consolidated all my debt and am now debt free, except of course for the loan at the bank. I am surprising myself; I haven’t made new debt in 6 months.
44. I see my parents basically every day. I love them dearly and can’t even bear the thought that something is going to happen to them some day.
45. I know when I’m really really really sick; all I want then is my Mom. I am such a baby.
46. I’m not a girly girl, I should try harder but I just don’t. If I could wear jeans and t-shirts every single day of my life I would be in heaven. I put on make up in the morning and for the rest of the day I don't look at a mirror again.
47. I am a glass~half~full type of person. Negative people gives me the heebeejeebees.
48. Lions scare me.
49. I love toilet paper with pretty pictures on. Such a waste of a pretty picture but hey that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
50. I’ve always wanted a horse of my own; I should really make a plan.
    

dang... i did it!!!

i now have to tag somebody...hmmm... who to pick...?? i would love to pick Kyk but he just won't do it... so i think i'll tag... Birdget...i mean Bridget and.... Elise... come on girl friends, it's actually quite fun.... and Kyk get with the program dude you are way too secretive!

mid week break

i agree

i don't like to write about politics but this is just too good to not share with you... the piece was written by Chris Moerdyk and I think it's brilliant...

We can weather this storm!
05/02/2008 08:44 - (SA)
Chris Moerdyk

I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I listen to the current favourite topic of conversation in South Africa right now. The one about the country falling apart because of power outages and political upheavals. Always followed by a decision that it's time once again to consider packing for Perth.

The way some people are wailing and gnashing their teeth and phoning to get quotes for international removals, you'd swear that this was the first time South Africa has ever had any sort of problem. That it was the first time everything looked like it was going to fall apart at the seams and become an ungovernable hellhole of civil disobedience and a kakistocracy of note.
For heaven's sake - doesn't anyone remember how South Africans have overcome all sorts of far worse trials and tribulations? How this country has been the envy of the world in the way it was able to face up to and solve seemingly insurmountable problems?

South Africa's best effort by far was coming through the apartheid era without a bloody civil war. The black people of this country showed phenomenal tolerance and patience. The whites who kept voting the Nats into power (isn't it amazing how one battles nowadays to actually find any white people who voted Nat) eventually saw the light and a peaceful transition was made.
A peaceful transition that was completely in contradiction to the traditional historical type of transition that involved immovable chips on shoulders and a refusal by a minority to succumb to a majority and everything ending in bloody conflict.

A walk in the park Frankly, when you look back at what terrible times South Africans have been through and then look at the crises we are facing today - you have to admit that what is going on now is chicken-feed and potentially very easily overcome. With our track record it will be a walk in the park.

Yes, even winning the war against crime. At least while Mbeki kept trying to tell us there wasn't a crime problem, Zuma has at least had the good grace to admit that it's a huge problem. That at least, must be a step in the right direction.

But nonetheless, there are still so many South Africans who want to get the hell out. I try and kid myself that they want to give up and live somewhere else because they don't understand what this democracy thing is all about.

For example they don't seem to understand that the whole fracas in the run-up to Polokwane with ANC factions fighting tooth and nail was more about democracy in action than portents of a country about to self-destruct.

Just look at the vicious American presidential nomination battle going on, particularly in the Democratic Party. Talk about vicious mudslinging. And so it was in the French presidential elections and the fight between Blair and Brown. Fights that were a lot more vindictive, in my opinion, that the contretemps between Mbeki and Zuma. But, I didn't see Americans and Brits and Frenchmen wanting to leave their countries in droves.

And sure, our crime rate is horrendous and I won't insult your intelligence by trying to kid you with the argument that every other country also has crime. That's a dumb argument and suggests that crime is something we have to live with. We don't, but I get the sense that where criminals used to be considered heroes during the apartheid era and well into the 1990's - that the majority of South Africans are now gatvol and starting to show less and less tolerance.
Optimism Frankly, I am still very optimistic about this country. I love it and I will not leave it. Sure Africa is not for sissies and that's fine - I am no sissy.

While I speak out against crime and corruption and will do my best in my own small way to fight against it, I also realise that South Africa is not the only country with a government that is open to corruption. Frankly, there is not a country in the world where politicians do not succumb to corruption and bribery. Or where business is even more corrupt than the politicians.

And if you do a bit of searching on the internet you'll certainly see that SA is not the only country in the world with an electricity problem - or at least some other huge infrastructural challenge.
But, I do thank my lucky stars that I live in a country where the political leaders do not keep wanting to invade other countries at the drop of a hat just because they don't like the people who run them or because they could upset the oil supply. I thank many lucky stars that the legacy of Nelson Mandela <http://www.whoswhosa.co.za/Pages/profilefull.aspx?IndID=3961> has ensured that South Africa has friendly relations with far more countries than the USA, Britain or Australia can claim to have.

I thank my lucky stars that we have sports teams that can overcome political interference, appalling bad management and heaven knows how many other problems and still win World Cups.

I thank my lucky stars that I live in a country where people over the age of 60 can still make a meaningful contribution and earn a living without being put out to pasture just because of their age.

When I sit down and add up what's positive in this country and look at our track record for coming through crises, I battle to find any place on earth I would rather be.

I do not accept the political shenanigans that are going on right now. I don't accept the crime level, I do not accept the level of corruption in big business and I do not accept the pathetic management of our sports teams.

But, I love this country far too much to go and live somewhere else. And I for one will not be downcast by our present problems because I know we have overcome far, far worse in the past.

And in spite of a lot of whites feeling that things are falling apart, one has to admit that for the majority of the citizens of this country, with all its flaws and challenges right now, it is still a far, far better place than it was during apartheid.

being the man of the house...

What i miss about not having a man around the house....is to kill creepy crawlies... ok that's number two... i also miss having regular sex but hey...the creepy crawlies...they are right up there on my list...there is nothing in this world that freaks me out more than goggas... and since i've become the “man” in the house i have to do all of these things that i'm not really built to do...

when i moved the previous time i had a humongous spider that i had to kill...and doom just didn't do the trick...i was sure i saw the bugger taking his huge spidery legs and wiping the doom right off it's beady little eyes...the doom just did nada to this sucker...he just snickered at me and stood on his hind legs...swaying from side to side...ready to kill me in two seconds flat... i shit you not...so i took the broom and ended it right there...who's YOUR mommy now mf??!!!....

when i got divorced my best friend gave me excellent advice...she said... your kids...they must know that you can do ANYTHING...that nothing scares you, spiders, snakes (help me God i would faint if i ever got a snake in my house)...burglars (with these i would first pee in my panties and then faint)...but it's been good advice anyway...i have shown my beatsties that there is nothing i'm afraid of, nothing i show fear to in front of them anyway...




pooh bear (my hero) said in one of his movies and these are words i now live by...

...you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think...

in the face of anything i will actually stand up and take the challenge... and my kids know this, and somehow they feel better knowing this and me, i feel better knowing this too...

it's getting easier now, kay's old enough to start taking over some of the spider killing duties, he took care of a dead bird we found under my bed left there by the hunter in the house, my cat billy...yikes...it's not that i'm afraid of the dead bird it's just plain disgusting... those hard spiky feet...no thanks... i couldn't touch the bird so my 12 year old son looked at me as if i was totally stupid...really mommy... took a plastic bag and took it out to the trash...I gave him a big fat hug and a motherly kiss right after i bathed him in dettol...

building tracks

please note: this post has not been spell checked... so grammer and spelling police... back off;-) ... the darn thing doesn't work, and needless to say the bloody paragraphs doesn't work well either today... other than that...enjoy!

have you ever heard something someone said or something you thought of and it just made perfect sense? ... aha...perfect sense in an instant... profound words that's written on your heart and left there for all eternity ~just for you...

sometimes these words or phrases or sentences doesn't mean anything or wouldn't mean anything to another person... cause at that precise moment the culmination of emotions, the surroundings, the look in someones eye, the mood around you and the words all together makes perfect sense at that exact moment... your moment...

it seems that i am in a strange place at the moment... someone told me years ago that capricorns are late bloomers... this is probably not true to every capricorn but i think it is earth shatteringly true about me... i have always felt that there are still things to come for me and from me... it is very difficult to explain but there it is... something happened to me that made perfect sense to me some four or five years ago...

i was going through the final limb jerking moments before my marriage finally died a horrible death... that's how my marriage ended... jerking and crunching and constricting in one ugly movement until it was dead and lifeless and useless...the eggshells that i was walking on had cut right to the bone...bleeding and festering.. and it left me lifeless and silent...in this time i was talking to my ever wise brother in law... he is much younger than me but such an example... he lives every second so thoroughly it leaves those around him breathless... so we were just chatting, he was asking ridiculous questions and i was giving him sarcastic answers... and all of a sudden he said something that i still remember to this day...he looked at me and said

“i could never go through what you are going through right now... i am too selfish..."

and these words would make no impact on you now would it... but in that instant i realized so many things... so here i am years later... with a heart that is not broken anymore... with children that can sleep through the night... with my eyes bright with life and not with tears... anticipating something unknown...

i heard something the other day that would probably explain that what i wish to say... apparently years ago they built a railway track over the alps... before there were any trains... because they knew that someday there would be trains that will need this particular track... and that is how i feel... i'm rebuilding my tracks...