bat out of hell

if you were a kid who would you prefer??

a dad who has two crocodiles... live ones i shit you not... a horse... PlayStation... motorbikes... parties.... when you go visit daddy you don't have to brush your teeth, take a bath, eat anything that's healthy, you can go to bed when you want to and watch any dvd you want to... age restrictions does not apply in his house...

or a mom who doesn't have any of those things and doesn't allow any of those things...?!

now how the farking hell am i supposed to compete with that??... so i'm not even trying... and i'm shocked at the fact that it doesn't bother me that much...

here's a list of things i tell my kids every single day, these words will probably never ever pass over the lips of batman...

• time to get up sweeties, rise and shine!!!


• go eat your breakfast!


• brush your teeth!


• jay get up, you're going to be late!!!


• make up your bed


• tidy your room!


• tuck in your shirt!


• where's your lunchbox?


• did you take your vitamins?!


• flush the blooming toilet boys!!!


• i love you sweetie, have a good day at school, i love you forever and forever!


• don't worry you'll do fine :)


• did you do your homework?


• come here let me help you with that


• let's go study for your test


• concentrate!


• how was your rugby game?


• i'm so proud of you!


• go jump into the bath


• did you wash behind your ears?


• remember to wash your hair


• eat your veggies!


• drink your milk


• come give your mother a hug


• don't swear... who teaches you to swear like that?!


• it's reading time!! no... i don't want to hear a word out of you for the next 30 minutes... read!!


• go brush your teeth


• ok it's time for bed...


• go to bed now!!!


• i love you too sweetheart


• let's pray...

so no wonder they come back after a weekend and think... mom you suck ever so slightly... daddy is so cool... so when cool daddy is not around... i have to chase away the monsters in the middle of the night because he allows them watch movies like blood diamond... not cool batman, not cool at all... so i shut my mouth and do the best i can cause that's all i can do really... and by the grace of God my boys will turn out to be normal, decent guys :)

batman has turned into a pudding pappa... not a good thing to be... and i'm just not going to compete with that... my backyard is too small for crocodiles anyway ;)

running scared

sars was so sweet, they sent me an sms first thing this morning to remind me to write down the kilometers on my car, end of the tax year and all that... kind of creepy though... they've literally got my number!! oh yeah and it's the 29th of Feb today... leap year and all!! do whatever you're supposed to do on this wacky day... what that is i have no clue ;)

anyway onto more serious stuff...

I have two boys as you know.

Wonderful funny guys whom I love to bits.

I would literally die for them.

Now although their father also loves them dearly, ok probably more than just “dearly” but if I had to measure his love and my love for our kids I would kick his ass … here’s the thing… I have had this nagging, silent, ignored fear that one rainy day my boys will ask me if it’s ok for them to go live with their dad.

Fuck I will really die if that should ever happen. Cause it does happen, when the hormones roll in, the not-so-strict weekend dad looks real inviting. And the thing is you think you know your kids, I mean I really do think I know them better then they know themselves, but I’ve heard of single mom’s “losing” their kids, and becoming weekend moms, if that.

So here I am confessing one of my biggest fears. I know I’m going to “lose” them anyway to adulthood, Kay in about 6 to 8 years and Jay 10-12 years, leaving my little nest, cool~ I can deal with that ...

~but to dump me for their Dad??

Good gracious I’ll have a royal fit if that ever happens. Cause that’s what sucks about being divorced, I’m the one who has to be the bad cop pretty much all of the time...

eat your veggies!!

brush your teeth!!

do your homework!!

go to sleep!!

etc etc etc…

and daddy… he picks them up and for that 48 hours they do just about anything they want to do, they come home after a weekend without having bathed, brushed their teeth or even clean underwear on, I shit you not.

Luckily our family law is quite strict, not easily will the court give full custody to the dad, and if so gross misconduct must be proven against the mom or she has to give up custody voluntarily.

So I just hope they play nice with mommy and don’t spring that shit on me one day soon, I really don’t know what I would do.

hope your weekend rock!!

boogie woogie!!!

i love dancing... i know i'm not particularly good...ok maybe i just plain suck at it...but hey...that little detail ain't stopping ms. ruby...that's my jive persona...ruby...love that name!!... i had a dance party in my living room the other night with my two boys... no mercy!!...my neighbours probably wanted to call the cops but i don't think police in the new south africa even bothers with calls like that anymore...imagine i was boogieing away and a cop knocked at the door...i would have thought he was a stripper and would have promptly dragged him inside...screaming "cuff me baby! cuff me n~o~w~~~..."

the poor kids couldn't keep up... their smiles said it all...they loved every minute...and that's the point isn't it...it doesn't matter how crap you are at some stuff...if you love it ~ don't stop...who cares what other's think of you anyway...

i reminded myself of travolta in saturday night fever...yeah baby...disco lights... it was so much fun! ... it took the kids a while to get into the groove but man it was a blast... i think dancing is like karaoke, some people just can't sing...they suck b~i~g time but they enjoy it so much...you just gotta love that blind confidence some have...rock on dudes...life's too short don't u think...!!

all work and no play

that's me at the moment...working way to hard for wayyyyyyy too little moola! but i'm not complaining, i actually *whisper* ....enjoy my job... sinful i know ha ha.... anyway, work is overloading and i've charged my sweet ass into overdrive to keep up.... the mental picture that brings to mind can either be very pleasant or quite disturbing... to me to picture is way disturbing ...

yesterday i went to do my monthly grocery shopping, something i love to do, confirming the fact that i must, no disputing that anymore...be very disturbed, cause who in their right mind actually enjoy walking down heaven knows how many aisles and dumping mundane articles such as toilet paper and washing powder into their trolley??? but like the saying goes, small things amuses small minds, so i'm not complaining. the fact that i enjoy comparing prices and consider it a small miracle to save R2 or R3 per item is shameful... i have turned into a plain jane... heaven have mercy. the other thing i enjoy while comparing the price difference between the various brands of ear buds... (pitiful *sigh*) is to ogle all the single guys doing their shopping, for some reason i feel sorry for them, why i dunno! i try my best to keep my mouth shut cause there are times when i can say the most stupid things to very cute guys standing in front of millions of containers of yogurt... yesterday i was packing a sinful amount of cookies into my trolley, it's small two cookie packets which i like to stash in my kids lunch boxes, i don't eat these cookies, really *wink-wink*... but the guy checking out the cookies on the shelves kept looking at me, by the third round carrying maaaaany packets of cookies to my trolley he could not keep quiet anymore and with a crooked smile on his cute face asked me... "you sure like cookies" and i'm sure he then glanced down to my sweet ass wanting to probably encourage me to take them all back... i sweetly replied (and i'm sure he obviously didn't believe me) "these are for my kids, i put them in their lunch boxes".... by my sixth trip (cause he was hogging the space in front of the shelf!) he said the following: "you must have a lot of kids!".... aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh .... bloke rather keep your mouth shut ok, i don't eat the freaking cookies!!! embarrassing... i still blush at the thought of it... mercy mercy

Enough is enough

i've been really fine with my divorce the past few months, but lately it's been irritating me again, ok i irritate easily, but still... i thought i was over the worst, and that is what really gets me, i hope that this isn't what it's going to be like forever, or until the kids leave my little nest... i know that my ex will prop be a part of my life always, and i really don't like it, i would have preferred him disappearing out of my life like a bad dream... but apparently he's here to stay... maybe if he just paid child maintenance every month my irritation level would level out, if he irritates me i can go shop, retail therapy yeah!!! but no there's no damn money for shopping cause he's gotta support himself and it seems like the new girlfriend and i am such a fucking nice person i just keep my freaking mouth shut and accept my lot in life. i must be more proud than i ever knew... everybody is telling me "take him to court"... "don't let him see the kids until he's paid"... and you know i really ponder these heartfelt suggestions, but it's as if i want to show him, in my own stupid little way, that i really don't need him anymore. yeah (i'm not stupid ok) i know i'm shooting myself and my kids in the foot, but like a friend of mine said the other day "a contract or the court doesn't have to tell me what my responsibilities are, i know what they are"... and that is what i expect of the father of my two children, is that too much to ask? it's not fair, really it's not, boohooooooo, that's me crying for myself out of self-pity, self-pity - that's an awful thing i know. i don't allow myself that much pity, just a moment here and there, no public self-pitying allowed in my world, maybe that's a good thing, no i know it's a good thing.

i am a strong person

i am a good mommy to my boys

i have conquered my fears of being alone,

taking on the overwhelming responsibility for my kids well-being, spiritually, emotionally, the whole deal, and i did it... awesome thought.

that's why i don't bother about the money anymore, i struggle, there is not many luxuries in our life, but it's ok.... it's ok.... it's really ok. know what i'm saying? good for you smiley face, i knew you could do it. cause at the end of the day i think the fact that we don't need him anymore is such a bloody surprise to him, it's so funny.... *giggly giggly giggly* nobody has to tell me that i have to take care of my kids, they are the reason why i work, it's their right to have a house and toys and bob along life happily without a worry in the world, that's what i believe...

so if he wants to be this way, go right ahead, life has a funny way of levelling the playing field... and he just better watch out.... dickhead