Tuesday, May 27, 2008

bat out of hell

if you were a kid who would you prefer??

a dad who has two crocodiles... live ones i shit you not... a horse... PlayStation... motorbikes... parties.... when you go visit daddy you don't have to brush your teeth, take a bath, eat anything that's healthy, you can go to bed when you want to and watch any dvd you want to... age restrictions does not apply in his house...
or a mom who doesn't have any of those things and doesn't allow any of those things...?!

now how the farking hell am i supposed to compete with that??... so i'm not even trying... and i'm shocked at the fact that it doesn't bother me that much...

here's a list of things i tell my kids every single day, these words will probably never ever pass over the lips of batman...

  • time to get up sweeties, rise and shine!!!

  • go eat your breakfast!

  • brush your teeth!

  • jay get up, you're going to be late!!!

  • make up your bed

  • tidy your room!

  • tuck in your shirt!

  • where's your lunchbox?

  • did you take your vitamins?!

  • flush the blooming toilet boys!!!

  • i love you sweetie, have a good day at school, i love you forever and forever!

  • don't worry you'll do fine :)

  • did you do your homework?

  • come here let me help you with that

  • let's go study for your test

  • concentrate!

  • how was your rugby game?

  • i'm so proud of you!

  • go jump into the bath

  • did you wash behind your ears?

  • remember to wash your hair

  • eat your veggies!

  • drink your milk

  • come give your mother a hug

  • don't swear... who teaches you to swear like that?!

  • it's reading time!! no... i don't want to hear a word out of you for the next 30 minutes... read!!

  • go brush your teeth

  • ok it's time for bed...

  • go to bed now!!!

  • i love you too sweetheart

  • let's pray...

so no wonder they come back after a weekend and think... mom you suck ever so slightly... daddy is so cool... so when cool daddy is not around... i have to chase away the monsters in the middle of the night because he allows them watch movies like blood diamond... not cool batman, not cool at all... so i shut my mouth and do the best i can cause that's all i can do really... and by the grace of God my boys will turn out to be normal, decent guys :)

batman has turned into a pudding pappa... not a good thing to be... and i'm just not going to compete with that... my backyard is too small for crocodiles anyway ;)

15 COMMENTS....bite me!:

c@th said...

Mwah. you are an amazing momma.

angel said...

aw sweets, you're a bad mommy supreme.
and i KNOW its a cliché- but one day they will thank you... especially for not having crocodiles in the yard!

The Jackson Files said...

Your boys are very lucky to have such a great Mum.

Blood Diamond, holy shit! That movie gave me nightmares, nevermind two young boys (child soldiers, wtf). Not cool at all.

BecauseIcan said...


and here i thought i was the only one who had an arsfuk for an ex..

your boys love you for what you do.. my boys have come to look forward to my cooking and vegetables.. they even phone me cos they miss me.. He may have all those things.. But he can never ever compete with what you give!

I was concerned at one point about being the boring strict mom.. But now? If they misbehave i offer for them to move there.. They very very quickly buck up!

You are a great mom.. and they know it.. and they love you for being there for them when they need you...

Anonymous said...

I watched a show (can't recall what it was) when the mom said the exact same thing (except about the crocs...) to her ex husband and he said: 'You know what? Yes, I do have all those things but in the end he calls your house...home. And mine is just a fun outing.'


sweets said...

cath: thanks man... i need to hear that sometimes... argh i hate myself when i feel like this!

angel: i'm holding onto that my friend! hehe

jacks: i know eh... just NOT cool!

bic: oh you girls are saying such wonderful things, i'm just lapping it up! wise words indeed!

jane: oh wow i love that! tx!!!

Bridget said...

You are such a cool mom.

And besides, I detest people who keep animals in captivity!

Tamara said...

He has crocodiles? Ok, unhinged. It's proven.

Sweets, I think you're an awesome mom and that, as everyone else has said, one day they'll realise that and really appreciate it.

Until that day... picture feeding batman to his own crocs ;-)

sweets said...

bridget: i am SO tempted to phone the SPCA cause he doesn't have permits... i mean crocs! honestly...

tam: LOL oh how fun that would be...

c@th said...

you just wrote what i think EXACTLY every second sunday when my babe comes home from her dad.

we may not be the fun heroes, but we are the true ones. we dont need capes or crocs to prove it.

phillygirl said...

seriously, crocodiles? what sort of pets are those? i mean clearly he got overly competitive with some guy who had a snake and a few scorpions maybe ;)

justBcoz said...

I hear you ...

I get to be the nagging old beeatch while he gets to be friggin Disney Dad once every 2 weeks!

Urgh, it's not easy but the kids need it, they really do - so chin up, you're doing the right thing and it will all be worth it =)

ozymandiaz said...

the reason he can do those things is because fo the things YOU do. If he had to face the reprocutions of his tendancies, sick damaged children, his tune would change. Unless of course he is a piece of shit who doesn't care for their welfare. That and the state coming down on his ass cause it doesn't take long for ABUSE to show up if it happens on a daily basis.
Oh, and what he does IS abuse.

sweets said...

cath: well said, i agree ;)

philly: i know crocs!!! just imagine them growing into full sized ones... it must be a male thing... i really don't get it!!!

ozy: hmmmm *sigh* yeah...

Globus said...

globus says a lot of those things to his kids, but as he's trying to teach them german, he probably sounds more like the commandant of colditz. hopefully they won't try to escape...

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