paradise

it was a wonderful holiday!!!

here's a few pics to tell the story...

above is jay starting a sand castle, he got highly upset with the waves destroying his work ;)

below is the view from our house... the sea looks really far away, but it's not, golf course right next to the house... the kids scored a few stray golf balls

kay and jay with their 6 year old cousin, early in the morning, walking on the beach
look at me... good heavens hahahahahahahahaha...

kay found a dead crab...

jay with one of his Easter eggs...

golf car paradise... everybody drives around the estate with their golf cars... this was taken at the beach... there was literally 50 or more of these parked at the beach any time during the day... we had two cars to our disposal... loved driving around in those little cars!!

jay and me on the balcony... the faces they come up with... is that face supposed to be a boring face or what...
my brother chasing away monkeys... they stole our bread twice, racing through the house...

when i saw this sign i told kay that he'll have to go hungry for the rest of the holiday ;) for some reason he didn't think i was funny...

sigh... how i miss this!!

kay in the pool, don't you just love that hair!! not...!! we're going for a haircut today!!

ah man, i don't wanna be back!!! it was a truly unbelievable holiday, i've realised that luxury does add something to a holiday! the weather was perfect, the company was perfect, my kids behaved and i've even got a tan!! there is only one "lesson" i learnt on this holiday...

there is a definite difference between "old flesh" and "new flesh"...

and if you fall into the first category... don't try to look like the second... plllllllllllllllleaaaaaaaaaase... i spent much of my time on the beach people watching... and of course ass watching... old woman frolicking in the breakers, looking like this... oy... the pic does not do her ass justice... i didn't want to zoom in too close... lets just say... that ass in a board shorts... would have looked a million times better!

see old flesh right there... in that teeny weensy little bikini...

it was really one of the best holidays i've been on, didn't do anything in particular that was note worthy, but it was just an over all experience, relaxing and enjoying... oh oh oh oh!!!! and i met sheebee!!!! she is the sweetest, funniest woman ... ah sheebs it was really fun meeting you at long bloody last!! don't go to oz!!! don't go to ozz!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ciao babes!!!

well i'm off, this is my last day at work before my noooooooooice holiday... i'll be back on April fools... you be naughty and nice and do whatever blows your hair back... i sure will be!

i'm all packed and ready to go ;)

byeeeeeeeee!!!

tag you're it!!

i almost missed this meme... Greg tagged me ... i don't like meme's Greg, never have, never will!! except maybe the meme writing a letter to your teenage self... that was quite fun... but yikes... you wanted to annoy me and... well... firecrackers... you have... but only slightly... you caught me on a good day... no blog fodder... so here goes...

You have to find five things around your house that say something about the person you are and snap a picture of them. Then tell us about them...

number one: this is a pic of my sons sleeping last night... they are permanent fixtures in my house. what does this say about the person i am? i love them to bits :)

number two: looking at all the pics i took it seems that i'm a bit of a gatherer... and a bit of a slob... this is my kids room... i think they've inherited the gathering / slob gene! what does this say about the person i am? i'm not a hunter


see?! i'm a gatherer... my cupboards are full, the way i like it, i don't want to be caught without food, this is so strange... i never knew this about myself...

see!? more food!!!

number three: i like beautiful things, i like art and paintings... this is one of my favourites, aint it pretty?! my FIL is a painter and most of the paintings in my house he did... except this one, this was a gift from someone else :) what does this say about the person i am? i like nudes

another beautiful thing, this is my tiara... diamonds people! Yes Greg it is real diamonds... yeah right... hehe... anyway I love this tiara... some useless information about diamonds... my ex is a real life honest to goodness diamond broker... he often shows me diamonds that he's smuggling... i mean selling... this side of him has always made me nervous, there are some scaly mf's selling diamonds around, dangerous sob's... maybe my ex is one of them, i think I have to stop hiding his stash for him, yes I think so...

number four: this is my darling cat... billy... like in "billy the kid"... hehe... he is a beautiful cat but not the friendliest of cat's you've ever met, he likes me and i like him... nothing much more to it than that. what does this say about the person i am? i like my cat

number five: i should have turned the pics before i posted them, sorry, i love photos and stuff... i stick them everywhere. what does this way about the person i am? omg... i like photo's???



so i have to tag someone...or more than one... or all of you...


so i'll tag...


btw~ if you haven't been to these people's blog's~ go...ok!?


Miss M
The Jackson Files
Michelle Hix
AfroSliq Diva
Living Bridget
If these walls could talk
Angel

12 going on 13

i found out yesterday, that kay has a new girlfriend... her name is chloe... he had a devilishly naughty grin on his face when he told me they've already been going out for a week...

is that still the terminology?... "going out" or "going together" or are they "hangin" or dear God forbid "shaggin"?...

he said he didn't want to tell me cause he KNEW i would ask him 10 000 000 questions... i never knew i did that!!! mwhahahahahaha.... i noticed this chick-a-babe last week... and was wondering why he wanted to go to rugby practise every single day... and wanting me to pick him up as late as possible...

and there it is~ puppy love...

but you should see these two together... both 12... and if you remember way back then... when you're 12 and you're a guy... you're like 20 centimetres shorter than most girls... what a picture.... he looks like a midget next to her... mwhahahahahaha... and they are forever giving each other hugs... she could actually go down on one knee and be just the perfect height for him... and the strangest thing is that it doesn't bother either one of them... just goes to show what hormones can do for you... poor babies... chloe is ... lemme just say "budding" early... she's all hips and boobs and .... length... so for now kay's the big fish in a small pond... next year i'm sure chloe will be looking with lust at the 9th and 10th graders...

but for now... all's good my boy... you've aced a real girl that doesn't run away from you anymore ;)

wicked weekend

oh it was looooooovly... had an absolute blast this weekend!! thanks again to glugs and angel for inviting me and the kidlets, was really a great weekend!

my back is still recovering from the bumps on the back seat of the 4x4 game viewing vehicle... glug's driving skills.... hehe... no i'm just kidding! sitting on the back seat you're just asking for it... jay loved sitting there so i was forced to join him... but never again!! at a stage angel and I held on for dear life... and giggled our asses off....oh my it was fun!! glug's place is absolutely gorgeous, en suite bedrooms, gas braai's, dstv, pool table, pool... royalty i tell you!!

the rain hasn't stopped since friday... so i've got so much dirty laundry and wet clothes it's quite distressing.... and i'm leaving for our holiday on friday.... really don't know what i'm going to do with all the washing... anyway that's a problem for later... i'll post some pic's later, haven't downloaded anything yet... have a good week people!

sisters are doing it for themselves

*gasp*

*splutter*

*angina attack*

my sister found my blog... you bugger you... "apparently" a few weeks back already... through no other than my good tjomma angel ... how the hell she pulled it off ~ i have no freakin clue... cause i tried to follow how she "found" me ... and lemme just tell you... not very easy... so i have sherlock holmes as my sister... she promised she hasn't read anything... sigh... i don't even know if i mind her reading my blog... but any case she's just like me... she HAD to find me... she said she's had sleepless nights... mwhahahahahahaha poor thing... she was asking me about my weekend plans and i told her that i'm going away this weekend with angel and glugs (thanks guys for the amazing invite!!)... and she said... oh... angel X.... my eyes got bigger... my jaw dropped... and she started laughing her ass off... and i just knew... she was so chaffed with herself... silly woman! but you got me... good for you!!!

then...

if you don't read sheebee's blog... hit sheebee ... she's dying for some attention... she deserted blogland for a few weeks and is threatening to eat some worms soon because everybody's ignoring her.... so go!!!

here's a pic of her boobaliscious boobs to convince the guys and to make all us girls jealous... welcome back sheebs............. we missed ya!!

death

that word makes me cringe... i'm not scared of dying... well i don't think about it much so before i get scared i rather think about something else... but the thought of one of my kids dying really totally scares me shitless... i really don't think i'll be able to handle it... never say never i know... but i don't think words can explain what a parent must feel losing a child...

ok moving on... i was the cause, or rather i could have been the cause of jay's death years ago... i never talk about this... nobody really knows the truth... cause basically i am so ashamed of being so careless, even for 2 minutes...

it really put things in perspective for me... how unbelievably fast things can change, how powerless we really are... how tears and regret can't change a thing... and thanks be to God Almighty that my son lived ~cause it could have been so different, and it would have been my fault... and that is even worse than death itself, knowing that it was your fault...

i'm a smoker... my ex had this thing about smoking... he was a closet smoker and didn't like smoking in front of the kids... basically he would hide around corners and such just so that the kids won't see him smoke... silly... so that is how this "incident" happened... i know he was going to flip his lid if he saw me smoking... so when he was taking a nap on a saturday afternoon i took jay, he was probably about 11 months old... outside through the back door... sneaking out, to have a smoke... i put him down on the grass and i lit up and was deep in thought dragging merrily away... i looked down at my son and omg... he had half of a mushroom sticking out of his mouth... i cannot explain to you the fear that gripped me in that second... the garden variety mushroom is highly poisonous... if you ingest the wrong kind you can basically die within minutes... so i grabbed my baby... grabbed my bag and drove like a bat out of hell to hospital... clutching my baby in the one arm and the remains of the mushroom in my other hand... we had to force liquid black stuff down his throat... that made him vomit repeatedly... but~ he was fine...

that guilt stayed with me, me wanting a smoke and not watching my child for 2 minutes, even though he was sitting right by my feet... i don't know... i just can't shake it... and i've never told anybody the real truth... i made up some sort of story about me putting up washing on the line... which is totally unlike me... but i did it, why~ i have no idea... i know i'm not a bad mom, but something that small could have killed my child~ because i wanted a smoke... oy

WHAT IF... that is what scares me most...

doctor-doctor

oh my greatness... i went to the doctor with kay yesterday afternoon... my appointment was for 5 but as I walked into the waiting room I could see that that particular idea was not on the cards for me... so I sat down and checked out my fellow waiters... lemme just tell you it was highly entertaining.... who knew right!

so firstly the reason for everybody's delay waddled out... this poor guy had both of his big toe nails pulled out... and apparently the doctor struggled to get them out... g~o~o~d~n~e~s~s... just imagine that pain! he looked very comical, he had his shoes in his one hand, not dangling by his side but pulled up next to his chest... shame i think he was in so much pain... so there he came waddling out with his two huge big toes wrapped up... ok you probably had to be there to find this amusing but trust me... that picture will stay with me for a while...

then a young mother came in with her toddler... very friendly child... he smiled at everybody over his mother's shoulder... and every time he smiled... the huge amount of snot around his nose would blow up into a green bubble...mwhahahhaha... and his mother had no idea... imagine this... smile... bubble suddenly appears... smile disappears... he catches somebody else's eye... big smile... big green bubble... hehe...

there was also a divorced mommy, slightly mutton dressed up as lamb kind of effort... she didn't know that her leopard print knickers were sticking out... she spoke to her son and totally ignored the dad... pushed her chin into the air and sauntered out of there... leopard print and all...

i was then told by kay that jay was potting an old lady with his pee shooter... right under my nose!... another disgusting highlight was a teenager sitting across from us... she was highly pissed that she had to wait... obviously she doesn't do that often... she slouched in her chair... like teenagers do... but boys do this mostly not girls really... anyway... there she was slouching... legs apart... growling as her tshirt kept riding up at her sides... cause she was... how to put this in a nice way... slightly obese... so she had these huge saddlebags popping out at the side.... gross... growling and at everybody and the injustice of it all... sigh.... really toots it aint all that bad... so all in all the half hour i had to wait whizzed by cause my fellow sick people were so bloody entertaining!

kay has some sort of virus that's causing the ugly blister on his nose... it started to spread so i'm glad i went to the doc... apparently it wasn't going to go away on it's on... antibiotics... thank you ex for having such a wonderful medical aid that paid for everything!!

job

Jobs I would never do:

Accountant…argh… rather give me some ant poison to drink please!
Gynecologist… good money but checking other’s woman’s plumbing every day... hell no!!
Trash… I take my hat off to those guys!
Coach of SA Rugby team:… need I say more… why would anybody want that job?
Chef… i would have access to huge knives... and i would have to cook... those two combined... just looking for trouble
Printer repair guy… or the copier guy... whhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy?
Plumber… not my cup of tea… but I hear they make uber bucks...

housewife... if the hubby was loaded... maybe... but staying at home to clean and cook, thanks but no thanks

dentist... ever wonder why dentists wear those masks? so how was the garlic snales last night mr stinky breath?

Jobs I would love to do:

Teacher: this is a hard job but kids are generally scared of me and I generally like kids, good average i think...
Florist...that would actually be my perfect job…
Programmer… this is the thing I should have done with my life but I missed the bus on this one because of my lack of self esteem... poor stupid me
Writer… but only if i could live in the south of france
Fireman…that pole!

Stripper... that pole again... sigh

to me it's all about enjoyment... and obviously the pole hehe...

small irritating stuff

i wanted to say... small irritating shit... cause that's how i feel... thank God no big drama in my life but the small stuffies just totally gets me... i know it's real trivial but it's complicating my life to no end... and i hate drama!!

• my poor Kay has a teacher that does not like him one bit, stupid woman, the ex actually went to see the principal on friday cause she screamed at my poor kid in front of the whole class... not on!!!!


• Kay's writing exams... they write two subjects a week, Tuesday and Thursdays... this whole process takes over a month... i hate school!!!


• my fish tank has a slow leak...


• my fish filter/motor thingy-jobby is not working properly... this drives me totally maaaaaaaaaad....


• my bluetooth connection at home doesn't work... new driver... argh


• i saw and old friend on friday and she told me i picked up weight...wtf... only my mom's allowed to tell me that!!


• i was a nail biter for yonks and yonks... stopped about 5 years ago... and now i've started to bite my thumb nail again...


• my kids are eating my out of my own house... good grief they polished a whole loaf of bread yesterday... and wanted more.... gobble gobble gobble... they're scaring me


• kay has a sty in his eye... sigh... painful and looks horrible and i have to pin him down and force the ointment into his eye and beg him to go to school with that hideous lobster on his eye


• i have huge ants invading my house... they are sneaky little critters... they only come out at night... and no it's not termites... i love to drown them... i am a horrible person i know


• i'm flat broke... not using my credit card is killing me... relying on a regular cash flow is really hard! i now have to dip into my savings and i hate that...

see such trivial shit but i can't tell you how irritated i am with life in general... and yet... i could have been so much worse right?!

so i'll just shut up...

Britain is reposessing the USA

i found this quite funny, please take note that we love you americans, we are laughing WITH you and not AT you.... got it ? good ;)

my favourite is number 15...

A Message from British comedian, John Cleese

To: The citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.


7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. Holden Monaro's are also approved.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of world population you should be aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1769).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God save the Queen..
John Cleese

jay-walking...

my son jay is something else... every single morning i have to beg him to eat his breakfast... obviously not a morning person- just like his mama... after breakfast i fill their lunchboxes with a sandwich and a cold drink for break-time... this lunchbox comes home, untouched every single day... so now every morning i ask him "do you want a lunchbox?" and every time he says...

"no thanks mom... no time to eat... have to play!"...

which is cool.... they finish school at 13h00 so if he has a solid breakfast he'll make it till lunch without dying of hunger... now... the plot thickens...

the other day we were chatting about lunch for some reason and i innocently asked him "don't you ever get hungry during your school day sweetheart?"... "nah"... he says.... "the other kids gives me their sandwiches..."

and right there the red flickering warning lights and the internal mommy-siren went on....

"why on earth would your friends give you a sandwich every single day?"... i asked, cringing... just knowing what i'm about to discover just can't be good....

.... "teacher asks before break-time if there is anyone who's mommy didn't pack them lunch... and then the other kids have to share".... mwhahahahahahaha... i am horrified!!!!... so now the whole class and the teacher thinks i can't afford to pack my son lunch or just don't bother to pack my son food... can you imagine?!!!! argh!! and he's just coasting along, getting a new interesting sandwich every day...!!

well now i pack him a sandwich every single day, even if i have to throw it out... the shame!

mid week break

i still love nickelback...

but this was too funny to pass up :)

a post to my borderline-stalker

jip... strange but true... i have a person that reads my blog

every day

up to 7 times per day

although i'm flattered in some perverted way i guess, it is a tad disturbing... here's the reasons why...

1. weirdo never leaves a comment
2. weirdo reads 2 or more of my old posts every time they visit
3. weirdo has on one sitting actually read 7 of my old posts... hehe poor you
4. weirdo moved from cape town up to gauteng recently... so closer to mother goose and mother goose aint liking this one bit

all of this info i get courtesy of web-stat secretly checking you out on my behalf, i have your IP address...

to add to my paranoia i have been receiving anonymous phone calls... on my cellphone (number withheld) person phones and puts the phone down after 5 seconds without saying a word and then my office phone rings, same story... no heavy breathing unfortunately but still... yikes

so weirdo if you have my number and you read my blog... who the fuck are you? it was valentines day just the other day, why didn't you send me a hundred red roses??? ok jokes aside... if i go missing please call piet byleveld...

to use a line my ex used frequently... don't fuck with me i know people ok??!!!

facebook

i caved... yes i did... i joined facebook... but the hopeless optimist that i am, i actually thought facebook would be easy... either it is easy and i'm just clueless or i'm just not getting it... i sent out invitations that i didn't even know i did... and even got some friend replies... that was nice... am i in high school again? it does feel a tad like that... so thank God i have some friends.... wmhahahahaha anyway i hope i get with the program soon, cause i think facebook is supposed to be fun right? which it isn't for me at this moment... and what is it with you people who use your blog names on facebook?? unfair... i object! isn't it supposed to be a real life~coming out of the closet with your normal identity kind of thing?... i came clean you buggers... now i feel like being caught with my knickers around my ankles and i'm the only one...

i went to the bloggerati party with glugs and angel on saturday night... i do not know what i expected but *sigh* wasn't all that good hey... oh i know... MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE HELPED IF SOME OF THE BLOGGERS I KNEW WENT!!!... there was the strangest dude parking with us for a bit... i did not meet one blogger that i knew... blog parties can be very cliquey ... tsk tsk...

my boss is off to cape town for four days...whoohoo good times, it'll give me time to figure out facebook ...