i once had a discussion with a good friend of mine, she's got 3 kids... holy terrors... so we were talking about our kids (as mommies do) and suddenly she asked me " so which one of your kids is your favourite?" ...
dear Lord i almost chocked on my lemon cream biscuit! a favourite?! does she have a favourite kid? i don't! and i proceeded to defend this point of view until all the cookies were finished... but all jokes aside... kids are different... their personalities, their temperaments... all that stuff does make you probably get on better with one child ... but do i love one of my boys any less? no way!... i would gladly jump in front of a train to save any one of them... without a second thought... but in real life sure i do get along with one kid better than the other one, during some stages of their lives... at the moment for instance i just have the desire to slap Kay every single time i see him... why? cause he's 13... need i say more? but do i love him? oh yes... he's my baby and will always be, and in a few years time i will probably get along better with him than with Jay... but do I love Jay more because we get along better now? no! is he my favourite? hell no!
this second part will make sense at the end of the post... so bear with me :
i was doing a project for Kay the other day on Tsunami's... yes i do his projects, just zip it... i have my reasons... one being that i just love doing them... and secondly i just get better marks than him... i know i know...sigh... anyway... so i was doing some research on the web on everything to do with tsunamis and it made me think back to when in December 2004 that horrific tsunami hit Indonesia... worldwide 225000 people died because of that tsunami... shocking... there was a SA woman who, with her family was there on holiday... she did a interview when she came back home... and to this day i just cannot forget her story...
she was with her two kids, single digit kids... probably could swim by themselves, but with a tsunami obviously they didn't stand a chance of survival... so she was with them when the tsunami struck... and she grabbed both, as any mother should... she was fighting to keep herself and her two kids alive... paddling with nothing to hold on to... and then... after keeping the 3 of them above water... all her energy was exhausted... and she decided that she had to let one of the kids go if she wanted to save herself and one of the kids... so now... which one do you let go of?...
i cried for days about that story... not because of the decision she had to make, but the fact that she actually chose one above the other... that she thought that letting go of her child was even an option... to me that is just unimaginable... personally i would rather drown with my two kids, holding on for dear life rather than to let go of one of them...
thankfully the child she let go of survived too... but imagine the fear of that child... he must have held on for dear life... and his mother probably pried his hands off of her...
she told this story to the reporter... another shocker... i am still shocked by her decision to choose in the first place, and then secondly she told the world she did this... certainly this child will be told of this too... sigh... i don't know... it just broke my heart... cause it's just not right... how could she?
so that's how i see my crayola love... it's all or nothing...I'm not letting go of one of my little crayons... ever...
18 COMMENTS....bite me!:
Sjoe, tough one for that poor mother, I guess we can't judge until we're faced with such a huge decision...but how would one choose, as you say?
OMG. That is a terrible story. And imagine how many issues that poor kid is going to have.
I always complain that my parents love my sister more than me (yes, still now - I am a child), but that would totally prove it.
You are an awesome mom sweets. I wish my mom had done my projects for me when I was a kid (she probably did my sister's though - thus proving she was, indeed, the favourite!)
I am 100% with you!! My 13yo is very um...*trying* right now and not easy to get on with all of the time, whereas my 18yo is nothing but sweetness and light at the moment - but does that mean I love one more than the other? NO WAY!! I love them absolutely equally, although I may like a particular one more on one day than on another. As for choosing one over the other..... forget it!
I can only imagine that the one she let go will probably have some trust issues with her going forward.
I'm not a mom but I cannot imagine making that decision.
My mother admitted to me when I was a teenager that she's always treated my younger brother as the favourite, adding, "But I love you both the same."
It's taken me years to deal with that. Even if you did have a favourite, rather not admit it out loud. Once it's out there, it can't be taken back, and it puts pressure on the kid who is the favourite and creates resentment in the kid who's not.
Just my opinion.
kitty... i don't know kitty, her decision just doesn't sit right with me...
jacks... LOL can't believe you're not the fav R! all my siblings think i am my mom's fav, but i know it's not true... each kid just has different needs don't you think? parenting is just a challenge, from the beginning!
gill... you think the same way i do... bless you :)
louisa... some? i think the poor kid will never trust another human being for the rest of his life! not fair...
jane... to me there is no decision to make... i choose them both :)
tam... see right there, it's just wrong! a mother has enough love to love every single one of her kids, and if you have to work harder to "like" one kid, well then, that is exactly what you do... so sorry you had to deal with that, no child should ever have to feel not good enough (hugs)
I am glad that I have not been faced by such a choice..
I have no favorites..they drive me mad, equally..and I would rather let them float on my dead body then let one go..
But I will say this..I tell my boys this when they drive me to drink and I fully understand why some animals eat their young...
"I had two of you because i knew the day would come when one of you had to go.."
They behave as cute as buttons after that..
coming from someone with only one child this may sound a little hollow... but like you i too would rather drown than let go.
omg... i just had a thought- what about the damage to that child's psyche growing up knowing his/her mom let him go!!?!??
That's a horrific story. What WOULD a parent do? I have to believe, somehow, that I would come through with that moment of superhuman strength and be able to hold all 3 of mine until the end of time.
Ugh. But I bet you, if you ask any kid in the world over the age of 8, THEY can tell you who their parents' favorite one is. ;)
my god how will that kid feel knowing his mom was going to let him die?
Holy crap. Perhaps it was some survival instinct that kicked in--animals do that sort of thing all the time. Perhaps that's why none of us could imagine doing it, if she never had too, would she be able to answer that question?
(By the way, it's "work + play ≠ [not equal to] dull boy".)
those tsumini stories are all just horriable...damn..
ok, i dont do any projects 4 the kids, but i do help them...no one did mine 4 me, so i figure they can do theirs alone..with my help;)
I do have a favorite kid..
this what I tell my kids..
Boo is my favorite 5 year old..Blondie is my favorite blonde girl, and The Boy, well he is my fav boy..
yeah..
That was a tragic story... I can't imagine letting go of any children. And yeah, when the child grows up how is he/she going to think of his/her mom?
I'm back, Sweets.
Life can be cruel and leave us with little choice. But one never knows how they will do in such an event until it comes.
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