this time of year...

firstly...thanks greg for my header... you sure are sweet, thank you!!

secondly, please don't think that i don't bother putting spaces between my paragraphs... i do... and then blogger decides in it's infinite wisdom to take them away... so it looks like a long post without any breaks... i've tried everything but nothing work.... all of you will prob only read this post next year... i wasn't going to post until next year but then i couldn't help myself...what's new right?

in two days it will be christmas... can't wait... i love everything about christmas, the kids squealing when they get their presents... family together... it doesn't get any better for me than that... i just hope the kids like what santa got them... santa sure spent all "his" money on them so i'll cross my toes and hope for the best... so after christmas it's my birthday on the 29th... looking forward to much pampering... and then it's the new year... i have a good feeling about the new year... it sure can only get better from here on!

everybody usually gets all hyped up this time of year, new year's resolutions that's inevitably broken or conveniently forgotten... i make a point of never making any new years resolutions... they're like rules...and you know all about rules right...

they're meant to be broken...

so i've changed the rules... i reflect...not on the past year but on me... things that i know that's important but that i conveniently neglect because well they take more effort... so each new year i try a little harder at certain things... discipline really... cause discipline is quite a difficult thing for me... it's not that i'm lazy... maybe a little i won't lie... but certain things just comes easier to me than certain other things... like friendship or being a mom...those things come naturally to me, i don't have to think or try to do them, i want to do them.... but other things...oer, that's a whole different kettle of fish right there...and i don't like fish much....

so my first thing i need to discipline myself with is smoking... i'm not going to quit smoking, i've made peace with that, who knows maybe one day i'll surprise myself...but for now i need to discipline myself to just smoke less... see much less daunting... and i'm actually going to do it... like three years back i started running... something i never thought i would be able to do....and who knew, i love running... it started with walking around the block... and 3 months later i was up every morning at 5 clocking 4 km's with a smile on my face.... planning to finish my first half marathon soon... but then life got in the way... i moved, circumstances changed, i couldn't run on the road like i love, i have to go to the gym to my beloved treadmill now to run...and i'm limited to 20 minutes every day... but it's all i have now so i'll make the most of it...this year i plan to discipline myself to run a 5km fun run...and if i do that i'll do another one.... see much better than to decide to do a marathon and never even attempting it cause it's just too big....

another thing i'm going to do this year is to have more fun... this may sound silly to you but... blah blah blah it's a long story... i need to nurture my inner child more... shrinks orders... out of all the time i spent with her, for the short while i did, that's the one thing that stuck... doesn't that sound good... teehee...so my inner child wants to go horse riding more often, she wants to do drumming this year...angel i'll hold you to that one doll!...

small things that you people probably do every single day of your life...but for me it doesn't come so easily... the adult and parent in me takes over most of the time... just to survive...i am a full time mommy with a plate overflowing with responsibilities... and i tend to work too hard at keeping that plate manageable...and i will still do that... but i plan to enjoy more of my off time... i've found myself again since my divorce... i've found that i'm a fun person... who likes herself... who likes the world that i live in... that have so many things to be grateful for it's overwhelming... so if i could give myself a big slobbery excited puppy kiss i would...ha...it does feel good...

another discipline for me this year will be to save money... i want to take a decent december holiday vacation, just me and the boys... and i know i can save enough to do that... i must just roll in the discipline some... and hide my credit card, which i already have, i've even asked the bank to take off the link from my current account... it's so stupid i know... but thus is the way this old noggin thinks...

also there is one last thing i intend to pursue this year.... i know a lot of you are atheists or agnostic...but i'm not... i am a spiritual person... and i miss something... can't quite put my finger on it... but i know where to find it... and i need to expose my babies to the things that i hold dear to my heart... hey dudes i've long past the stage where i'm worried what people may think of my beliefs... if you're not true to yourself, you're not true to anybody... so i'm going to be a whole lot more true to myself f this year... and that makes me smile... ahoy maties...good times ahead...!!

note: see all my paragraphs...gone...fuck