Wednesday, December 12, 2007

letter to 13 year old self...

hey sweet pea!
i'm...you are...almost 36 now, yes isn't that just fucking awful, but believe me 36 is not ancient, it goes so quick you won't believe...so here are some pointers i thought you should pay attention to....

oh my word girl...have you never heard of tweezers... and that hairstyle... mwhahahahahahahha.... seriously make a plan ...your older self has a very short hairstyle... it suits you...don't hesitate cutting your hair...you won't look like a golly wog i promise!!!
so besides the eyebrows and the horrendous hair-do you are such a sweet innocent little thing it's actually frightening...we should have called guiness book of records cause you had to hold some kind of record for being the most naive girl ever... don't trust everybody, people lie just because they can...yes they do... it's not nice and it doesn't mean you lie too so stop hyperventilating! ...but hey.... unfortunately you don't get to make all of the rules... shocker that one i know... close your mouth, get over it and move on....

life is not so evil and frightening as you feared... getting puke drunk actually is as awful as you imagined and yes you did get puke drunk a few times in your life... remember that day when you were horribly shocked when your friend offered you a cigarette and you said: i will never smoke! well, never say never...

first humongous mistake of your life: you will meet the sexiest piece of man in about three years...run for dear life...he will turn out to be the guy you fall horribly in love with... you will stay loyal to this asshole for a total of 18 years... he will break your heart into ten million pieces... and you'll never quite be the same again... falling for him is really a huge mistake... but on the other hand he gave you two beautiful boys...yes darling you'll have two boys..!!!!! they are wonderful and funny and the greatest things that's ever happened to you... maybe hang around to get your babies... but guard your heart, all the stuff he tells you are lies, don't believe him ok...you know it's all a heap of shit...don't believe him...as soon as you pop number two...run baby run...

second most humongous mistake of your life:...you should have listened to your daddy and gone to university...really that was a stupid ass thing to do...just go for heavens sakes...i'll forgive you your bad taste in men if you do this one thing for me...
another thing...don't fret too much about your daddy... he actually loves you dearly and will prove this fact so many times later on in life that you will not believe it when it happens... he's busy...don't take this so personally....he'll make up for it, i promise...

you have wonderful friends and a family sent straight out of heaven...cherish and love them... you won't get through life without them, that i promise you... try to work on your relationships with your two brothers...you sorta loose them along the way, it's a sad thing to loose a brother, and to loose two...you didn't do anything wrong there...they just moved on and forgot that they have a family, shit happens...but if you can do anything to prevent this, do something... you'll miss them always!

take more chances, laugh with your mouth wide open, get into trouble ...and don't worry about what anybody thinks about you...their opinions can't be trusted anyway... follow your gut and you'll be fine... you are stronger than you think, trust me on that...
oh yes, last thing, when you're about 33 you'll meet a guy that will kiss you and your legs will literally buckle...that should be the sign.... DO NOT LET HIM OUT OF YOUR OFFICE... you will regret that forever.... you need to shag that man right there and then... you hyperventilating again??....relax...sex is goooooooooood!!!

no regrets ok!

cool bananas babe... rock your world!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Simply Curious tagged me and i'm supposed to TAG some other unsuspecting souls...
Lee (nosjunkie)!!!!
Angel (only if you wanna!)
and anyone else who feels the urge, i would have written this even if nobody tagged me!

16 COMMENTS....bite me!:

Michelle Hix said...

If we could really have the power to do this! I had fun writing mine, hope you did too.
Michelle

M@ said...

I'd love to go back in time and kick my ass.

M@ said...

nice ass.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Good letter. I, just wrote one to my 13-year-old self.

Bridget said...

Lovely letter RSA! I like the no regrets part! That is so true! Popping babies? I don't know! :-)

Ruby said...

no regrets is possibly the best motto ever to come into excistence.....you've given yourself great advise;-)

funny how you think you'll never do things when you're younger and then BAM! when you look back you find you're doing exactly that?

sweetass RSA said...

michelle: weird how much fun i had, loved writing that letter to myself...if only

m: yes a good kick in the ass would have done wonders!

M: thanks ;-)

nick: i'll be right over to check your's out!

bridge: thanks doll! jip i just popped them out...after like hours and hours of labour!

ruby: i still live by that motto! jip, that happened to me quite a lot...

Nosjunkie said...

you have to tag people
Oh tag me tag me I really want to do this please please please

sweetass RSA said...

Lee: TAG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glugster said...

Great letter! You still rock!

angel said...

awesome letter sweetass!
thanx for the tag!

Szarek(Will) said...

great letter

That oak was a real pig...damn

Nosjunkie said...

this is so much fun I have started and deleted my letter three times I am trying to make sure I dont tel me to do something that might cause me not to meet stiff and have my friends and my job and stuff
its hard
but there is a lot that I can get rid of

SheBee said...

hahahaa. virginal innocence lost!

Ziji Wangmo said...

Great letter - I've stayed away too long...reading real books, I guess.
Great to read/hear your "sweet-ass" humor -
missed it!
Happy Birthday girlfriend!

Simply Curious said...

I'm sorry it took me so long to read this, considering I was the one that tagged you. I've been away for awhile. You did an awesome job, girlie!

 
Template by suckmylolly.com