bitter sweet birthday....

today is my birthday... it was a lovely day... last night i celebrated with angel, glug and some friends... it was exceptionally jolly i have to say... we toasted each and every one of you shits that couldn't be there!... angel wore the most beautiful angel wings you can imagine... she looked beautiful... a cross between a naughty angel and a sweet ballerina type of effort!!!.... and glug... you rock boet!!!...oh i just have to say that they make a stunning couple...!!!!

today i was surrounded by my family, the ones nearest and dearest to me... my parents, my brother, my sister, their spouses and a bunch of offspring produced by us all.... two of those of course my two boys...my mom took them shopping to get me a present...she left it totally up to them...and they bought me the two most hideous horse statues that i will treasure forever and always... they were so proud and i was so grateful... they love me... what bigger gift can i ever ask for?

i received many calls from friends and family... but birthdays always has a bitter sweet melancholy attached to it, why i have never figured out... so i will be glad that this day has been spent and gone... don't get me wrong it really was a great day... maybe it's the thought that one more year has been dropped into the ocean of life...never to be seen again, i really don't know... but there it is, i'm now at the wrong side of thirty...fuck...

one thing that has been particularly bitter sweet for me today has been the fact that my very best friend in the whole wide world has again forgotten my birthday... ouch... she's like that...but still... it's no fun for me to remind her of my birthday every year... and then still forgets to pick up the fucking phone....and i decided not remind her today... we spoke two days ago on the phone... she promised to come to my birthday party... and she never pitched... why the fuck not? ...double ouch.... she didn't even bother to let me know that she couldn't come... i would have understood...it's just a party after all... instead of being angry i'm just sad... she knew i wanted her there... to be told tomorrow that she forgot would just be a slap in my face... so dear best friend of mine, why do you do this to me... i waited the whole day for you to phone... and you just...didn't...i disappoint so very easily you see...

this time of year...

firstly...thanks greg for my header... you sure are sweet, thank you!!

secondly, please don't think that i don't bother putting spaces between my paragraphs... i do... and then blogger decides in it's infinite wisdom to take them away... so it looks like a long post without any breaks... i've tried everything but nothing work.... all of you will prob only read this post next year... i wasn't going to post until next year but then i couldn't help myself...what's new right?

in two days it will be christmas... can't wait... i love everything about christmas, the kids squealing when they get their presents... family together... it doesn't get any better for me than that... i just hope the kids like what santa got them... santa sure spent all "his" money on them so i'll cross my toes and hope for the best... so after christmas it's my birthday on the 29th... looking forward to much pampering... and then it's the new year... i have a good feeling about the new year... it sure can only get better from here on!

everybody usually gets all hyped up this time of year, new year's resolutions that's inevitably broken or conveniently forgotten... i make a point of never making any new years resolutions... they're like rules...and you know all about rules right...

they're meant to be broken...

so i've changed the rules... i reflect...not on the past year but on me... things that i know that's important but that i conveniently neglect because well they take more effort... so each new year i try a little harder at certain things... discipline really... cause discipline is quite a difficult thing for me... it's not that i'm lazy... maybe a little i won't lie... but certain things just comes easier to me than certain other things... like friendship or being a mom...those things come naturally to me, i don't have to think or try to do them, i want to do them.... but other things...oer, that's a whole different kettle of fish right there...and i don't like fish much....

so my first thing i need to discipline myself with is smoking... i'm not going to quit smoking, i've made peace with that, who knows maybe one day i'll surprise myself...but for now i need to discipline myself to just smoke less... see much less daunting... and i'm actually going to do it... like three years back i started running... something i never thought i would be able to do....and who knew, i love running... it started with walking around the block... and 3 months later i was up every morning at 5 clocking 4 km's with a smile on my face.... planning to finish my first half marathon soon... but then life got in the way... i moved, circumstances changed, i couldn't run on the road like i love, i have to go to the gym to my beloved treadmill now to run...and i'm limited to 20 minutes every day... but it's all i have now so i'll make the most of it...this year i plan to discipline myself to run a 5km fun run...and if i do that i'll do another one.... see much better than to decide to do a marathon and never even attempting it cause it's just too big....

another thing i'm going to do this year is to have more fun... this may sound silly to you but... blah blah blah it's a long story... i need to nurture my inner child more... shrinks orders... out of all the time i spent with her, for the short while i did, that's the one thing that stuck... doesn't that sound good... teehee...so my inner child wants to go horse riding more often, she wants to do drumming this year...angel i'll hold you to that one doll!...

small things that you people probably do every single day of your life...but for me it doesn't come so easily... the adult and parent in me takes over most of the time... just to survive...i am a full time mommy with a plate overflowing with responsibilities... and i tend to work too hard at keeping that plate manageable...and i will still do that... but i plan to enjoy more of my off time... i've found myself again since my divorce... i've found that i'm a fun person... who likes herself... who likes the world that i live in... that have so many things to be grateful for it's overwhelming... so if i could give myself a big slobbery excited puppy kiss i would...ha...it does feel good...

another discipline for me this year will be to save money... i want to take a decent december holiday vacation, just me and the boys... and i know i can save enough to do that... i must just roll in the discipline some... and hide my credit card, which i already have, i've even asked the bank to take off the link from my current account... it's so stupid i know... but thus is the way this old noggin thinks...

also there is one last thing i intend to pursue this year.... i know a lot of you are atheists or agnostic...but i'm not... i am a spiritual person... and i miss something... can't quite put my finger on it... but i know where to find it... and i need to expose my babies to the things that i hold dear to my heart... hey dudes i've long past the stage where i'm worried what people may think of my beliefs... if you're not true to yourself, you're not true to anybody... so i'm going to be a whole lot more true to myself f this year... and that makes me smile... ahoy maties...good times ahead...!!

note: see all my paragraphs...gone...fuck

news flash!!!!!!!!!!

i'm on holiday...and i actually...hold on to your seat.... will be taking a break (for the rest of december) with my blogging... i may still read some of your stuff...although i can't promise... i need to do some normal person stuff... like reading... yeah actual books... among other things...so i'll be back bright eyed and bushy tailed...in the new year ... so i'll check you then ok?

NEWSFLASH!!!!!!!

angel and i will be having our birthday party together, her birthday is the 28th and mine the 29th...we'll be having ourselves a teeny weeny little party....on the 28th at firkin in centurion...if any of you have enough guts to come on over for the night...it'll be such a jol!!!... but if you are paranoid beyond belief...well what can i say...

any questions please email me... fanfuckingtastic then!

have a good christmas, i'm going to...!!!!!

letter to 13 year old self...

hey sweet pea!

i'm...you are...almost 36 now, yes isn't that just fucking awful, but believe me 36 is not ancient, it goes so quick you won't believe...so here are some pointers i thought you should pay attention to....

oh my word girl...have you never heard of tweezers... and that hairstyle... mwhahahahahahahha.... seriously make a plan ...your older self has a very short hairstyle... it suits you...don't hesitate cutting your hair...you won't look like a golly wog i promise!!!

so besides the eyebrows and the horrendous hair-do you are such a sweet innocent little thing it's actually frightening...we should have called guiness book of records cause you had to hold some kind of record for being the most naive girl ever... don't trust everybody, people lie just because they can...yes they do... it's not nice and it doesn't mean you lie too so stop hyperventilating! ...but hey.... unfortunately you don't get to make all of the rules... shocker that one i know... close your mouth, get over it and move on....

life is not so evil and frightening as you feared... getting puke drunk actually is as awful as you imagined and yes you did get puke drunk a few times in your life... remember that day when you were horribly shocked when your friend offered you a cigarette and you said: i will never smoke! well, never say never...

first humongous mistake of your life: you will meet the sexiest piece of man in about three years...run for dear life...he will turn out to be the guy you fall horribly in love with... you will stay loyal to this asshole for a total of 18 years... he will break your heart into ten million pieces... and you'll never quite be the same again... falling for him is really a huge mistake... but on the other hand he gave you two beautiful boys...yes darling you'll have two boys..!!!!! they are wonderful and funny and the greatest things that's ever happened to you... maybe hang around to get your babies... but guard your heart, all the stuff he tells you are lies, don't believe him ok...you know it's all a heap of shit...don't believe him...as soon as you pop number two...run baby run...

second most humongous mistake of your life:...you should have listened to your daddy and gone to university...really that was a stupid ass thing to do...just go for heavens sakes...i'll forgive you your bad taste in men if you do this one thing for me...

another thing...don't fret too much about your daddy... he actually loves you dearly and will prove this fact so many times later on in life that you will not believe it when it happens... he's busy...don't take this so personally....he'll make up for it, i promise...

you have wonderful friends and a family sent straight out of heaven...cherish and love them... you won't get through life without them, that i promise you... try to work on your relationships with your two brothers...you sorta loose them along the way, it's a sad thing to loose a brother, and to loose two...you didn't do anything wrong there...they just moved on and forgot that they have a family, shit happens...but if you can do anything to prevent this, do something... you'll miss them always!

take more chances, laugh with your mouth wide open, get into trouble ...and don't worry about what anybody thinks about you...their opinions can't be trusted anyway... follow your gut and you'll be fine... you are stronger than you think, trust me on that...

oh yes, last thing, when you're about 33 you'll meet a guy that will kiss you and your legs will literally buckle...that should be the sign.... DO NOT LET HIM OUT OF YOUR OFFICE... you will regret that forever.... you need to shag that man right there and then... you hyperventilating again??....relax...sex is goooooooooood!!!

no regrets ok!

cool bananas babe... rock your world!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Simply Curious tagged me and i'm supposed to TAG some other unsuspecting souls...

Lee (nosjunkie)!!!!

Angel (only if you wanna!)

and anyone else who feels the urge, i would have written this even if nobody tagged me!

counting sheep...or rowing sheep...i dunno

it is now 59 minutes past midnight...why would i write a post at this hour you may ask...well i overdid the gym this morning just a tad...all i did after my usual run was 5 minutes...5 fucking minutes people...of rowing... i've tried to figure out why this would make such an impact on my muscles...those muscles would be the ones at the back of my legs... i really don't know what they're called and quite honestly i don't give a rat's ass at this point...all i know it hurts like hell... it looks like i have a broomstick stuck up my ass...and i've come to the conclusion that on some level that may somehow even be more comfortable than what i'm going through... i can't sit...i can't stand... i can't lie down... the only pain relief is lying in a hot tub...but that i can't do all day now can i.... sheesh.... everybody thinks i'm a big baby, exaggerating, but i shit you not... this is taking pain to a whole new level...i know... who knew 5...yes five measly minutes of hard rowing could cause this... and to those who wondered...i'm sure gonna row again... great work out... taking cardio to a whole new level...that is if i can ever bend my legs again...so i'm in pain... i can't sleep... i can't do anything... do you know how many of your leg muscles you use to sit and get up from a toilet...dear Lord i almost didn't get up... i had to pull myself up after a pep-talk yelping...eina...eina...eina... and then hopping away pathetically with my stick legs... so laugh if you want to.... it's real silly i know... i just wish i could fall asleep...come to think of it this chair is quite comfortable... maybe i should just sleep in this chair...and sing myself to sleep... row row row your boat...

rice crispy love ...

oh my greatness...my first day on holiday was just fucking awful.... first i went to the gym and totally overdid it....when i got to the car...and i lifted my left leg to swing it into the car...i only lifted it about 10 centimetres off the ground....it so i basically fell into the car....my legs truly numb!....after that i went to renew my driver's licence...where are the days that you got your licence when you're 18 and just never go back to that awful place??...five years goes way too quick for my taste....stood in a cue for 3 hours...i kid you not...had my eyes tested...i passed with flying colours...and off i went...one day miserably wasted...ha...the pace that place works at is quite ridiculous...there are hundreds of people and nothing happens quickly...my back started aching...my legs started aching...i didn't remember to bring my smokes...oh man it was just one hectic disaster....

i was telling kay about chemistry the other day...you know the kind that you get when you're totally into someone... and he didn't get it...had no idea what his freakish mother was on about....and today we had the perfect learning moment in the cue in front of us...there was this sweet nineteen year old girl in front of us, by the end of the day i knew her whole life story...she knew mine and we promised to stay in touch...you know that type of effort...anyway... her boyfriend arrived about half way through our ordeal for a quick hello...and it was just like...

snap...

crackle...

pop...!!!!

fireworks between the two of them...young love!

me and the boys were standing like right there behind them ... so right there my son got his first lesson in chemistry... we witnessed that gut~wrenching~excitement~bubbling~over~right~there in front of us...

it was beautiful..! there's nothing that can compare to that don't you think...i am such a useless romantic it's just pathetic...anyway on the way home i asked kay... you just witnessed the magic of chemistry dude...did you check that???... he got this smile on his face and said...i sure did mom... that was way cool!

D Day!

today is my last day at work....or not...if i finish everything i will be doing just the necessary for the next month...four weeks....bliss...i will post regularly from home... till when are you guys working?



i'm not going anywhere this year and although i hate staying when everybody's going off to the coast...i don't really mind to stay at home ...so don't feel too sorry for me...i'll survive... and then some!

4 hours...50 minutes and counting!!!

here's some stuff i want for x mas...

the toilet gadget especially appeals to me...i'm sure all the ladies would love one of those!

mwhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahaha!

i know everybody's always groaning that they don't like clones...but really...this joke is fucking brilliant...mwhahahaha....see i laughed again, that's after i've read it like...10 times....

Bono, the lead singer of the band, U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet .

"Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil basturd!"

see.........whahahahahahahahaha...oh...oh...oh....that's funny!

46664

i watched some of the 46664 concert on tv saturday night... for you guys that don't know... 46664 is an african response to the global HIV AIDS epidemic that invites the whole world to take the fight in hand... the number 46664 was Nelson Mandela's prison number on robben island...ok...

so i was feeling a bit down and out, some sort of bug got hold of me...some would think it was just babellas, but i think i actually had some sort of bug...or maybe food poisoning...anyway 46664 is all about aids...it made me think...i wrote a post on dating a while back and still this issue stays an issue for me...i live in africa...i see aids every day... i hear of aids every day... i'm encouraged to eat garlic for goodness sakes.... it's really a in your face kind of thing... and maybe because my ex was such a man whore and after i realised that he could actually have aids... and that subsequently i could actually have it too....it dawned on me...this epidemic does not discriminate against color, race or status, it will slap you right in the face... its fact...i had to be present at the doctors appointment for our gardeners hiv test, he was very sick and we then asked his permission to have him tested... and he was HIV positive... i cannot tell you how that moment made an impact on me...it was so real and honest and it shook me to the core...so don't really know what my point is... just that like the motto of 46664 says...

it's in our hands... be careful and be safe...ok?

on a lighter note i have to tell you about my first hiv test...i actually went to the doctor cause i suspected that i had a piece of glass in my heel... long story i was moving and of course broke something and also never wear shoes... so i had to step in the glass...bladi bladi bladi blah.... so my dad...bless his soul... insisted that i should have it checked out... and if nothing else to get a injection for foot and mouth...just to be safe... he's like that...so off i hopped to the nearest doctor who turned out to be the fucking hunk of the century...he had no wedding ring on so i was totally enjoying my doctor's appointment...there was some unfortunate realities i couldn't get away from...like i was working in my garden and didn't bother to scrub my feet...so there i was lying with my sweet ass in the air and the doctor going at it with my foot...and the two dirtiest feet you've ever seen...he insisted that there was no glass embedded into my heel...and i kept on telling him, doc...check again...seriously it's painful...and during this examination...we chatted away like nobody's business...he was actually flirting with me...and i needless to say lapped this up like the cute puppy i am...so i was aware that my time was limited with this guy...and even though it was such fun him poking at my foot with a scalpel... i maybe have to make it clear that i was not attached... and ready and willing to have him have his way with me... i mean... take me out any time... so we were chatting after he bandaged me up...and i said it...the only thing i could think of to make sure... beyond a shadow of a doubt... that he would know that i was not married... so i said...

will you please test me for HIV, my ex really screwed around and i just wanna be on the safe side...

fuck i think that was a passion killer right there...needless to say he didn't have his way with me... he did however take the time, after he got the results, to phone me and personally tell me that i should not fear a day longer... the dreaded killer wasn't lurking around in my veins...he was so cute...sigh...he can be glad i moved otherwise i would have bothered him with all sorts of gynecological problems...i'm a sick puppy... excuse me i think i still have that bug...

end of the year rush....!!!

angel, thanks for the award...
i'm flattered!!
i love the lil dragon...

usually... please take note...usually... i'm quite an extra-ordinary personal assistant...i really have 10 arms and 3 heads...but lately instead of organising the heads and the arms... i get forgetful... there are at any given time of my day 3 975 288 things i must do... and in my heyday i could remember every single one of them at any given time ~ day or night... but this year there are 38 978 698 things to remember... and to finish before my h~o~l~i~d~a~y can start!!

the following types of conversation takes place about 20 times every day between me and the boss-woman, i'm getting worried...

boss: have you finished XyZ...

me: XyZ...wtf??

boss: i gave it to you the other day?!

me: you did??? really??? i have no recollection whatso~eva of that ever happening?!

boss: are you kidding me??

me: if you say so, i'll check ok...now go away please!!!

5 minutes later:

me: you did after all give me that XyZ...i need a holiday, it seems that i've completed everything~ but i still can't remember it ever taking place...*cross eyed*

boss: *clapping hands* thank goodness...

me: ok sign here so i can send it of...

boss: what is it...

me: it's the AbC papers you asked for...

boss: when did i ask for those, why would i ask for those...??!!! wtf???

me: you asked me 10 minutes ago.... ok don't worry just stare at the papers for a few minutes i'm sure it'll all come back...

boss: 8 minutes later...here's the doc's...

me: i think we need a holiday boss-woman, and BTW how about a raise??

boss: i'll say yes now but there is actually no guarantee that i will remember this conversation again and there is also no guarantee that you will remember this conversation either when you pay the salaries... so nah...it's not gonna work?! ok? ok!

2 hours later:

boss: where are those XyZ papers...

me: XyZ papers...don't know what you're talking about...

5 days to go....!!!!

five more days before my holiday...oh my word i feel like a kid just thinking about it!!!

i've got one hell of a week ahead of me, but it's all worth it...

just thought i would tell you that i had lunch with the infamous glug yesterday...oh yes i did... i've thought about it, and anything i say will be construed in some or other way... so let me be a lady for once and just this:

you rock glug, i really had a great time!

any questions are welcome...!

he even paid for the lunch...and of course i forgot to thank him, how utterly rude i know... stuff like that can really haunt me...so for the 10th time glug, thanks for lunch!