i did a horrible thing

forfuckssakes... i did something that had to be done... and yet i feel heartbroken and sad and sorry all at the same time... it's literally the end of an era for me and the kids... and yet i still know i did the right thing... well i hope so in any case.

i broke the news to Jay about Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy... although i just didn't have it in me to tell him about the Easter bunny too... couldn't imagine breaking 3 dreams in one day... *plonk*plonk*plonk*... it was horrible, i've wanted to keep this myth alive for him as long as possible but it's such a difficult thing, when do you come out with the truth?... i couldn't leave it to some snot nosed tactless kid at school to tell him ... Jay is now 8 going on 9 and if anybody at school would have told him about these things he would have either...

1. knocked their teeth out


2. violently defenced Christmas Father in his absence to his own huge embarrassment later on

and like my sister said, if you get to the stage where you are ready to defend Father Christmas with a bloody nose... it's probably time you knew the truth :)

so I've been toying with the idea for a while but just didn't have the heart to tell him and on Saturday we were discussing Christmas and I thought... nooit, it's now or never...

Jay, I have to tell you something about Father Christmas...

I know... I know!!!... he's only bringing me one present, sheesh!!!... (dejected face mwhahahahahahaha was very funny)

No my baby, if only that was it... see it's not that I've been lying to you... it's just... although I believe in Christmas Father, not everybody in the world believes in him... it's a bit impossible for one person to deliver millions of presents all across the world in one night don't you think...

you could have knocked my kid over with a feather.... his eyes were huge and frozen in it's sockets...i shit you not... i hated every second of that conversation...

ARE YOU SERIOUS???? (he sat thinking, still with the shocked expression on his face... for a minute or two)... so who brings our presents???!!!!

it's amazing that these things never dawns on them, totally precious...

it's me silly :)

and then he smiled a huge smile ~ either telling me that all his presents so far was some pretty neat gifts... or seeing the possibility to wrap mommy around his little finger for christmas :)

phew...