stop smoking...no problem!

i'm shocked...it's really not been so difficult...figure that? or i am probably still going on fumes from the leftover tar in my lungs...eish...i just hope it stays this easy... i was expecting wild eye jerking movements and such as withdrawal symptoms but yikes...nothing so far...why haven't i tried this before...i've been agonising for years and years about stopping and now whooosssh...no problemo...maybe it's still early days...after all it only has been one single day...must be...maybe i will be pulling out my hair in clumps by tomorrow...lovely thought.... i will be running extra for the next few months cause i definitely want to eat everything i see...my stapler looks quite delicious...oh boy...won't it do my sweet ass so much good to pick up 10 kg...maybe i can start eating my smokes in stead of smoking them...my coffee breaks are way boring at the moment... i actually just drink coffee... and that's it... i tend to agree that most people get personality with a smoke in the one hand and a drink in the other...not perfect i know i know....but fact...i went to bed at 10 last night cause i am a late night smoker...i miss the idea of smoking more than i miss the smoke...it's so much fun to smoke...i know to a non-smoker that's like total crap...but is true dahling...is true...it's like when i run...mentally i can't get myself to run further...my head keeps on telling me...oi you are so tired now you have to stop...right now...no right now!!!...so i stop....and my brain is telling me right now that i really miss my addiction so much....so much...so much... but bugger that i will stop this habit cause you know murphy and i'm sure as hell not giving him any satisfaction.... i will be thinking smoking free thoughts and getting a padlock for my fridge...

hi my name is bindi...

that was my indian name for our spring day party....bindi...bindi sure is a fun loving girl who drank way too much sangria and all ... we were given indian names to make sure that if we threw our names away, it wasn't our own ....that sure came in handy...it was hoodles and oodles of fun~! rani (indian name) my very good friend and her sister in law samia (indian name), us three took the indian theme to heart and talked the hindi indian talk all evening long, even this morning on the phone we just couldn't stop talking indian and all...hehehe...much fun indeed!

during the course of the evening samia and myself were chatting about smoking, which i of course do whenever i have a spare minute... her mom died of lung cancer about a year ago...and i had a moment of clarity in my drunken stupor...really it hit home...she herself was a smoker and after her mom died such a horrible smoke related death she of course gave it up... phew...i had a moment...and i got it...so i've given up my crutch...i'm walking around a bit wobbly today... but very proud of myself ... all of a sudden i'm very serious and all... oi... but i'm quite chaffed... for the first time i want to, and if you don't want to there is no way... so bindi made me do it...indian pride...

how cool is that!

yummy...

my son told me this morning that he dreamt last night that we were all in a toy store...

me: uhah...always a nice dream to have sweetie...

dreamer: and mommy in my dream you had a boyfriend...

me: ahah...go on sweetie...always nice to dream about boyfriends...for mommy not you...

dreamer: and mommy your boyfriend was vin diesel...

me: shut up!...that's like the best dream ever!

we had a nice chuckle about all of this, cause face it what is the real life chance that we will find vin diesel in our local toysrus in the marble aisle... why don't i dream dreams like that... why???!!!...boy oh boy isn't vin diesel the sweetest piece of ass on earth.... uber sexy beyond all comprehension... you see this guy is exactly what i go for in a guy...the haircut (or lack thereof!) the bad ass attitude with all those muscles...grrr...come to mama... if vin diesel ever had to cross my path and utter the words "who's your daddy"... i would faint right there on the spot...phew....he just makes me feel all yummy you know.... that's the problem though...why am i attracted to shit guys like that?? cause face it they are just trouble in all capital letters...but shit he looks good enough to eat!

we're having a spring party tomorrow, can't wait, will tell you all about it next week... i think i should go buy myself some liver aid...

plastic surgery

one of the blogs i visit every day is http://www.tertia.org/ ... T had her boobs done recently and i am just plain jealous...

horribly and terribly so....

i can’t afford plastic surgery but i dream about it… you see i’ve got really big knockers...very unpleasant but yet quite attractive at times i know i know! i should count my blessings....i have a cleavage that will make most men's eyes tear up....but these two blessings of mine i can just about tie around my neck too ...what's the fun in that??... i call them dee dee...dds cup, get it?...every woman's dream who doesn't have their own enormous set ...i feel like a dove most of the time... you know when doves push out their chests and they swell to under their chins...ahem...that's me....

when i had my second son, i was still in hospital and i was trying to breastfeed, contrary to popular belief, the smaller your breasts are the easier you breastfeed.... so there i sat on the hospital bed with this tiny baby boy, the nurse was helping me...and i suddenly realised that the baby's head was actually smaller that my freaking boob...hilarious i know...the nurse had quite a good giggle...

36dd...although this might be the dream of every other girl with a small cup, trust me girls it's really not at all what's it cracked up to be... men love it sure but what's new right... now i've done this highly embarrassing experiment... i lift my boobs way up... i know phew....you won’t believe what happens....my fat rolls around my mid-riff disappear totally!!! is that even possible?... so my extremely heavy bosoms are pushing down everything and they appear to be fat when they in fact are not...oh yeah oh yea...should i be glad or should i be sad, if i ever have enough moola for a breast reduction, it's good news right...but what's the chance that i ever will have enough, have to stay positive... it just ain't fair.....now you know why i blog anonymously...none of my friends or my family know that i am blogging...'tis is why darling, 'tis is why....

i’ve always wanted a flat stomach but ever since i had kids my tummy and i have given up on that dream and of course the road map of stretchmarks goes to places you never knew they could…but forget about my tummy i'm talking about my titties today... problem is that i like to run, very much so, but i have to wear at least two pairs of bra jobbies when i attempt to run... it. is. horrible..... and the one bra job is a wonderful item, it's called a shock absorber...snicker...only thing is the manufacturers only thought small breasted woman run so i find them everywhere in the shops but the sizes are.... 32a...i think i skipped that size....34b....they just about cover my nipples....and then joy oh joy 36a...and 36b.... but there the road to juggling free jogging stops... i bought my pair of shock absorbers about ten years ago... and they still work... but i think a brand new pair would do wonders!!!

it could have been worse i guess... but if i could have boobs the size of the girl in the picture i would be running around nikked showing everybody my boobs...

relief...

exam report back: it's done...finito...can't change a thing about it, workbook's handed in....monkey puzzle completed... thank goodness... it always feels like an anti-climax after a exam, it's like all the hype when you get divorced and then suddenly you are a divorcee and like...hello?? everything is still the same...where is the lightning bolts and the fire works...hmmm....it's obviously been a while since my last exam.... and since my last divorce for that matter...did i ever mention that i've been divorced twice...but wait there is more...i actually married my ex twice (the sex was great)...shut up! i know...never ever marry your first ex again...but that's a story for another day... but i can't tell you how glad i am that's it's done... the exam that is ...now my new worry is... will i pass???!!!! if i don't i will have to blame the devil...nah doesn't apply in this case... remember that excuse... "the devil made me do it"... grabbed his ass or grabbed his...the list goes on but i will not bore you more than i have to.... so can't use that in this case so if i fail to pass (haha) i will just have to accept it i guess, "it is what it is", is my motto most of the time.... try it, unlike the devil excuse "it is what it is" really does apply to just about every other situation ... but i'll probably pass... fuck i hope so....

other good news (will i never be rid of the ex!!!???) the ex got a new and better job, not that he basically had a proper job for the last 5 years (dickhead), but i am much relieved... believe you me....he got a good job and will be paying actual money into my bank account as of (i guess) 1 october... happy days are here again!! whoop whoop... but unlike in the past i will be saving every single sent (how boring! i know!) in case i have to go without child support for a while again... you see i haven't gotten any financial support from him for the last 8 months... and what blows my mind is that he never apologised about this, just acted as if i had to understand that he's not able to pay at the moment.... big fucking deal... if he just once told me...dearest ex wife i do so ever appreciate that you have been the sole provider for our kid's needs for the last 8 months... i kinda would have appreciated that...asshole...you see here i go again, i want to swear if i think of that man... anyway if dickhead can produce moola i'm happy as a pig in shit...good times

exam!!!!

my boss (best boss in the whole wide world!) gave me the rest of the day off...i've got this horrible exam tomorrow and she obviously thinks that i need a bit of extra study time (which i do!)... let's face it, i don't really like exams, never have, never will...actually when i sit there with a exam paper in front of me you will see obvious signs of brain seizure... with a whiff of smoke coming out of my ears... oh dear.... tomorrow tomorrow... so i don't have much else to say, as i am totally preoccupied with this bloody exam....arghhh... enjoy this little joke, very cute indeed...

guilty as charged

...yip i gave myself a bit of a face lift... how does the saying go? a change is as good as a holiday... and i sure can't afford a holiday at the moment...

back to work today... when i got to the office i had a mini heart attack... i'm writing an exam on wednesday and i had this awwwful assignment workbook to finish by then... i had big plans on taking a bit of my work time to study today... now the freaking book's gone... first clue... my table looked all wrong this morning, a definite clue that the bloody cleaning lady obviously thought my domain needed a good cleanup and my table needed to be rearranged so that i don't have a clue where anything is....oh my word i think i will after all go throttle her... fuck woman, leave my stuff alone please... she didn't bother to clean the freaking dust balls behind my computer, but she had time to rearrange every single item on my desk ... i hate that so much... just don't bother with my desk ok, i get the hint that my table looks .... (eyebrows raised, surveying my desk...) terrible most of the time, but i really know what's where... and obviously now i will have to spend the rest of the day rearranging my desk so that i know where everything is again... what a wonderful way to start my day....mini angina pains coupled with sparkly/dust balled table.... sheesh...

anyway i saw the funniest thing on my way to work today... bwahahahah... i thought it's so embarrassing you can only laugh at this... there was this girl driving behind me, i have to wait for about 10 minutes on the off ramp from the highway, and there she was... with two ginormous dice hanging from her rear view mirror... why oh why do people do this!!!??? why... really....why.... if you have to stop suddenly i swear these balls of gambling delight will knock you out before your air balloon/cushion thingies pops out of your steering wheel... maybe that's why she has them... but really am i the only living person who think that rear view mirror memorabilia is just so cheesy ...to the point of embarrassing...do they (the people of the other side) seriously think they look cool with these...hmmm....items hanging around for the world to see...do you specially go buy these items to hang on your rear view mirror...really??no, really??...and after you've purchased them do you go by your best buds house and show them off...really?? shut up!!!...wow...... nauseating... barf....common... chuck chuck... if her car looks like this what happens when you walk in her front door?? what does her interior look like, she probably has a disco ball hanging from her kitchen ceiling or something... grrr... i just don't get some people... on saturday i saw this other car... but it looked more like an aeroplane than a car...ready for lift off... the thing on the boot looked like the owner genuinely stole it off a jet or something, with wild lightning bolts on the side of the electric blue exterior.... oh. my. word. shame, i just don't get it, some people are just fucking weird...or i'm just totally without imagination...naaaaaaaahhhhhh...

ps: i got my assignment book back...phew...but the cleaning lady is still guilty as charged!!

cyanide happiness...

this joke is the best i've seen in ages...

be warned, everybody else will probably not enjoy it as much as i did....bwhahahahahahahah....

my kids are off to the ex this weekend, so it's me time!!! i'll miss them like crazyyyy but it's good to get a break... i'm feeling much better today, yesterday the glass was half empty... today (guess what???) it's half full.... that is probably the worst thing somebody can say to you, don't you think...believe me when you are having a half empty glass day, do not... do not... tell me that my proverbial glass is half full nut head...really... my karate chop action will leave you bleeding darling... enjoy your weekend!!!

to be 12 again....

...all of us have forgotten how difficult it is to be twelve years old... i had a glimpse of it yesterday... and it really frightened this sweet arsed mama.... you see i totally get that when you're twelve you are probably the laziest human being ever.... i was, so i know... this year, first term, i firstly got a shock when i got my eldest report card... needless to say he basically flunked everything... i duly was summoned to all the teachers... and i sat there with a scarlet face with my sweet ass on one of those small little school chairs, why don't they get the parents a normal chair, jeez... i think they want to intimidate you or maybe they just don't care... i sure hope they care cause it's my son's future we're talking about here!!... what also shocked me was how little they know about each kid, cause there are so many of them i suppose but still, in my day the teacher knew every single one of us by name, and knew my four siblings that came before me... things sure have changed... anyhow, so after i had a heart to heart with all the teachers... this one teacher was so cute... shameless me ogling my son's teacher...but he was finnnnne.... where was i??? oh yes parent-teacher heart to heart, and each and every single one of the teachers said the same:

he is a nice kid (i knew that)...

he listens in class (i should bloody well hope so)...

but... he doesn't do his homework and he doesn't do his assignments... bloody hell... now the point system in schools also is different today, if the kids do the homework and give in their assignments and do well with all the class tests in every subject, all that shit amounts to a whopping 75% of their report card... and the exams over which we've been stressing too much, only amounts to 25%... we pulled little buddies socks up after that, he worked his little ass off, i was a policeman morning, noon and night and he did really well in his last report card.. but oh dear this is the third term and you know (he thinks) i did so great last term, i plan to just let it slide this term... girlfriends, cellphones, psp... life is so gooooooood... yesterday i found out (too late of course) that he failed (blood pressure pills...) three assignments because why? he just didn't bother to do them... fuck i nearly lost it.... so here is where we are at now... i told my darling boy that this policewoman-sweet-arsed-mama has now resigned, i literally saw his jaw drop.. i will help whenever i am asked, then i will do everything i can ... but for the rest, you buddy... you're on your own.

i feel like a heartless mama today but i have tried every single other kind of punishment and approach and nothing helps... he doesn't get "responsibility" or "home work" or "deadline" at all... he is lazy personified...and now i have to be cruel to be kind... if he flunks this year (have mercy ~ flunk grade 6...how embarrassing)... that's what will happen....he has to pass, i can't do it for him...

i'm feeling very fragile today... being a single mom is not easy ... i do my best but sometimes it just feels like: who cares, it's not enough... but this is my baby... fuck i hate school i hate school i hate school!!!

i have this standing joke with my mom that if all else fails that little buster can leave school and become a plumber or a electrician... great plan but today that plan just sucks... i want the best for my kid man... i want him to be a rocket scientist... just because i know he can... not because he is my kid but because i know him, i know he is so intelligent, and caring and is so good with his hands, and maths... and now? i just want what is best for him and he doesn't seem to care...

Wednesday?!!

be warned: i am not myself today... not my usual type of post ... ok?

i can't friggin believe it's only wednesday today... sheish... today i hate my job, hate my boss, hate the freekin chair my sweet ass is sitting on.... oh ok *light bulb moment*... i think i'm sexually frustrated.... i sit here shaking my head at myself.... fucking hate that too... if the whole natural world is having sex why the hell am i left behind.... it sucks, big time, i should not talk about sucking, cause remember i'm fucking frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!! the puns are not intended, but it's just flying all over the place... by itself... i obviously have nothing to say in that department... i'm really not a nice person today, so unlike me (remember sunflowery person=me)...

anyhow, i should get over my horniness (i know that sentence and that word just look all wrong and was used totally and utterly wrong but i'm too bloody irritated to change it ok???!!!) have you ever thought of all the words that suggest being horny... let's try... like thinking of words about sex is anything like sex... fuck.... maybe i should just get myself a one night stand and feel better... problem is i am wayyyyy not into one night stands.... for some unfathomable reason i.... drum roll.... don't take sex lightly.... big mistake i know... anyway back to the words... hehe this is gonna be fun....

horny... not in the dictionary... promise

jags... afrikaans word... i love that word, i'm so common today....

why can i only think of two words... strange....

jimpels... another afrikaans one, don't exactly know what it means but i can just imagine....

it was a good idea but i can't for the life of me think of other words... anyway that's that for my stupid little game... i'm really not myself today, a little afternoon shag could change all that...i think i've said enough.... yeah right like that's gonna happen.... roger that....

long hair vs short hair

i'm the short haired girl... it seems to me that all the other girls have long hair.

i was one of those girls for most of my life, never had the guts to chop all the locks off, but one day i did it, and you know what, my arm didn't fall off, and no ugly moles suddenly appeared on my nose, i just cut it all off and it was great!!! it was like getting a new personality. nobody could believe that i cut it all off, i had really long, really curly thick hair... and then the hairdresser did a clipper cut on me for the next 6 months, i guess i was a bit rebellious... but you know how much money i saved on conditioner!!! i don't even use conditioner anymore, why that gives me such a thrill i still don't get...someone once asked me why did i cut off my hair, and i had to think about this because there was more to it than just "because"

... i needed to change, that was the reason i came up with, and it worked....

i changed....

i don't think the fact that i cut all my hair off made me get a divorce, that would be quite silly, but it did "something" for me. i have nothing against long hair, believe me, i sometimes still miss my long hair, but you know what i found out, guys like long hair... bummer... and yet that doesn't even faze me anymore, if a guy likes me for my hair first, you have to be kidding right??!!! helloo!!!! there is actually a person underneath the hair and the body and the big ass, someone who can be defined without a ponytail. i am quite baffled by the whole thing, i refuse to let my hair grow again, just to catch a man, you gotta be kidding me!!! then i will rather go without thanks.... people don't believe me when i say that i will rather be single for the rest of my life rather than have someone, and not be happy... i was so unhappy for such a fucking long time in my life...

i get a panic attack at the thought of being that long haired woman again... i will rather be a tomboy with short hair and be able to fall asleep ~alone~ with a smile on my face, than to be that terribly unhappy person ever again. if it wasn't for the sex i would actually make a great lesbian, but arrrghhhh no thanks, a real flesh and blood dick is what i prefer hehe!

migraine....have mercy pleeeeeeeeease

the other day i was bragging about the fact that i don't get any pms symptoms ... i lied.

i didn't lie on purpose, promise, i just forgot that i get migraines. other woman get mood swings, others can't put enough food in their mouths, other are just plain nasty... but i get migraine's....i've learnt to work around them, run away from them, do absolutely anything not to get them, cause they sure hurt like hell. i get hormonal migraines, it was so bad once i actually puked, that was a first for me, to puke from pain! my gynae then told me to stop taking the inactive contraceptive pills, so i skip my period and then i skip my migraine, voila, i love my gynae. that's why i forget i get them, cause i get them about 4 times a year, so i only have my period 4 times a year as well, bargain!! my gynae says it's safe, can't believe there aren't more woman who does this... just to skip their dreaded period...

people that don't get migraines have no idea how bad it can be, it's like me who has no sympathy with people who has depression, i just don't get it. but i get migraine's.

i was lying on my bed on friday afternoon, curtains drawn, with a wet facecloth on my forehead, like an old lady... but it gave me some relief while i waited for my migraine cocktail to kick in, no no ~ no alcohol, it's a cocktail i get from my pharmacist, he combines about 5 different pills to kill the migraine. knocks you out six love for about 3 hours, blissful pain free sleep, and when you get up you feel like a million bucks...

all work and no play

that's me at the moment...working way to hard for wayyyyyyy too little moola! but i'm not complaining, i actually *whisper* ....enjoy my job... sinful i know ha ha.... anyway, work is overloading and i've charged my sweet ass into overdrive to keep up.... the mental picture that brings to mind can either be very pleasant or quite disturbing... to me to picture is way disturbing ...

yesterday i went to do my monthly grocery shopping, something i love to do, confirming the fact that i must, no disputing that anymore...be very disturbed, cause who in their right mind actually enjoy walking down heaven knows how many aisles and dumping mundane articles such as toilet paper and washing powder into their trolley??? but like the saying goes, small things amuses small minds, so i'm not complaining. the fact that i enjoy comparing prices and consider it a small miracle to save R2 or R3 per item is shameful... i have turned into a plain jane... heaven have mercy. the other thing i enjoy while comparing the price difference between the various brands of ear buds... (pitiful *sigh*) is to ogle all the single guys doing their shopping, for some reason i feel sorry for them, why i dunno! i try my best to keep my mouth shut cause there are times when i can say the most stupid things to very cute guys standing in front of millions of containers of yogurt... yesterday i was packing a sinful amount of cookies into my trolley, it's small two cookie packets which i like to stash in my kids lunch boxes, i don't eat these cookies, really *wink-wink*... but the guy checking out the cookies on the shelves kept looking at me, by the third round carrying maaaaany packets of cookies to my trolley he could not keep quiet anymore and with a crooked smile on his cute face asked me... "you sure like cookies" and i'm sure he then glanced down to my sweet ass wanting to probably encourage me to take them all back... i sweetly replied (and i'm sure he obviously didn't believe me) "these are for my kids, i put them in their lunch boxes".... by my sixth trip (cause he was hogging the space in front of the shelf!) he said the following: "you must have a lot of kids!".... aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh .... bloke rather keep your mouth shut ok, i don't eat the freaking cookies!!! embarrassing... i still blush at the thought of it... mercy mercy

Enough is enough

i've been really fine with my divorce the past few months, but lately it's been irritating me again, ok i irritate easily, but still... i thought i was over the worst, and that is what really gets me, i hope that this isn't what it's going to be like forever, or until the kids leave my little nest... i know that my ex will prop be a part of my life always, and i really don't like it, i would have preferred him disappearing out of my life like a bad dream... but apparently he's here to stay... maybe if he just paid child maintenance every month my irritation level would level out, if he irritates me i can go shop, retail therapy yeah!!! but no there's no damn money for shopping cause he's gotta support himself and it seems like the new girlfriend and i am such a fucking nice person i just keep my freaking mouth shut and accept my lot in life. i must be more proud than i ever knew... everybody is telling me "take him to court"... "don't let him see the kids until he's paid"... and you know i really ponder these heartfelt suggestions, but it's as if i want to show him, in my own stupid little way, that i really don't need him anymore. yeah (i'm not stupid ok) i know i'm shooting myself and my kids in the foot, but like a friend of mine said the other day "a contract or the court doesn't have to tell me what my responsibilities are, i know what they are"... and that is what i expect of the father of my two children, is that too much to ask? it's not fair, really it's not, boohooooooo, that's me crying for myself out of self-pity, self-pity - that's an awful thing i know. i don't allow myself that much pity, just a moment here and there, no public self-pitying allowed in my world, maybe that's a good thing, no i know it's a good thing.

i am a strong person

i am a good mommy to my boys

i have conquered my fears of being alone,

taking on the overwhelming responsibility for my kids well-being, spiritually, emotionally, the whole deal, and i did it... awesome thought.

that's why i don't bother about the money anymore, i struggle, there is not many luxuries in our life, but it's ok.... it's ok.... it's really ok. know what i'm saying? good for you smiley face, i knew you could do it. cause at the end of the day i think the fact that we don't need him anymore is such a bloody surprise to him, it's so funny.... *giggly giggly giggly* nobody has to tell me that i have to take care of my kids, they are the reason why i work, it's their right to have a house and toys and bob along life happily without a worry in the world, that's what i believe...

so if he wants to be this way, go right ahead, life has a funny way of levelling the playing field... and he just better watch out.... dickhead

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

i'm so tired today....

zzzzzzzzz.....

this long weekend came just in time, thank you to the new south africa for creating this utterly ridiculous day to celebrate myself, a woman... happy woman's day!

the ex will be fetching my two darling boys tomorrow morning, he wanted to pick them up today but i told him no, tomorrow morning will be better, and you know what, i didn't even give him a reason, hehe, i'm getting the hang of this. i will not be doing much the following four days, i will however be doing much snoozing and reading. i even gave a really dumb excuse to mr internet man with who i had a date on friday night. he's really starting to irritate me, i am so attracted to the wrong type of guy, for some reason (of which i'm not sure of myself yet) he reminded me of my ex, and that alone is reason enough to kick him out the door, bye bye, have a nice life! i sure plan to have one...

i'll be back on monday...yawn...

Bullies @ school

my son had a very bestest best friend (if you watch winnie the pooh you will get it ;-) until yesterday...

yesterday my son fired his best friend.

i am so proud of him!

this may sound utterly silly but it was so the right thing to do. this best friend was doing everything he could think of to show my son who's boss, so guess where i'm going with this?! this kid verbally abused my son and you know how sensitive they are at that age (12), took his tuck shop money, ate his sandwiches and he's supposed to be my son's best friend!! now this is why i am proud of my son: i've taught him to never punch first, not to be aggressive and always try to handle these situations calmly, so last friday the friend took his money, again, and my son decided - enough already!! he insisted that the friend give his money back, the friend pushed him and baaaaaaaaaahmmmmm, the little friend had to take what was coming his way... the teacher had to pull my son off this poor kid, he was going at it like a pro! the other mother made her son apologise to my son that same afternoon and we thought ok he's learnt his lesson.... apparently not!

yesterday my son phoned me after school, he was highly upset and insisted that i phone this kid's mom, his words "if you don't phone her mommy, then i will" hehe i'm so proud of the way he's standing up for himself. life skills people, that's what i'm trying my utmost to teach my kids ~ if i succeed with that, i can rest easy. anyhooooo, yesterday the stupid sod of a child insulted me (as in me the mother!!!) i can tell you what he said but it's really disgusting, so that was the proverbial last straw that broke the back of this friendship. my son said that if his friend insulted his mother it's overs kedovers!

he stuck up for me, how great is that?!

Monday...

as optimistic as i was friday that's how unsunflowery i feel today... i couldn't get up this morning, the kids took twice as long to get ready for school, i had to yell repeatedly to get a reaction out of them... i hate yelling at my kids, really i do, it's not fair, how difficult is it to listen when i ask politely, pleeeeeeeeeeze sweetie get out of bed ok, ok buster, pllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzze get out of bed NOW, and then i have to start yelling, cause i leave in 10 minutes and little buster is still lying in bed, i ask you... it's not fair!!!

i don't know if my way of thinking have gone of the rails completely but in times like that you know who i get mad at?? my ex, he decided to up and go 2 yrs ago, leave my sweet ass all alone with our 2 darling kids, and just waltz into their lives when he feels like it! divorce really is a horrible thing, like this weekend he came to pick them up for the day on sunday, spoiling them silly and then drops them off at home when they're cranky and hungry, i live in the real word vs his dream world... i just wonder (silly me), where the fck does he get money to spoil them for a whole day but there is never money for child support...i have to get over my anger somehow, he just pisses me off i can't tell you, and to top it all off he brought his new girlfriend with on sunday, all perky and giggly, the poor thing, i think i made her very very very nervous, that was quite fun *evil laugh* she has noooooooo idea what lies just around the corner for her... it prop sounds like i need therapy right *shrilly laugh* it's just monday... never a good day for me...

ps: louisa thanx for the post!!

TGIF!

friday!!!! whoop whoop! whoop whoop! oh yeah! oh yeah! my sweet ass will be doing the happy birthday jive this weekend, watch out! i love friday's, only work till one and then i'm offffff...

i don't get it, i've been reading all the blogs i usually read every day, and everybody seems to be a bit miffed today... they are either complaining of pms, thank the dear lord i have never suffered one iota of pms, which makes you wonder if the other girls aren't just basically in a bad mood during the same time each month, more power to you girls but like i said, i don't get pms... really i don't. some have pms, some are just plain unhappy today, what's wrong with everybody am i the only one looking forward to my weekend, geezzzz, no man, get with the plan ok??? ok!!!! isn't it the most irritating thing in the world when you're feeling shitty and you find this utterly positive person (that's me today hehe) who seems to have endless energy irritating you until you also feel as perky as a little sunflower... i'm sorry i think i'm the irritatingly friendly cheerful sunflower today.... without further ado, have a great weekend!!!

my sweet ass...

i'm really doing my best, running like crazy every single day, granted it's only 2km a day, but still, it should have some effect on this sweet ass of mine by now shouldn't it?? ok i've lost a few centimetres, whoopee, maybe i should consider plastic surgery, but on my budget and with the ex non payment policy (child support), i'm going to dream about plastic surgery until i get my pension.

i think i'm getting old, no correction, my body's getting old, last time i checked i was still a jolly 16 year old, ok so that's not very convincing... but i'm sure everybody feels like this, i really really do not feel my age, but when little kiddies and not so little cute guys start calling you Tannie (afrikaans for auntie) that's it, you are now legally old. so unfair don't u think??

the other day i was out with some friends for dinner and this young bloke kept ogling me the whole night, no lies... after about an hour of enjoying the ogling (thank you very much), i thought no no no, can't be, it must be some other chick he's eyeing, cause although i have the confidence of a whale at the moment, this guy was not bad looking, actually very cute on my sweet ass scale, anyhow, i gracefully accepted that the poor ogler probably has had too much booze forced down his throat and that he saw me through the eyes of a drunk guy (anything goes by that point). as we left i told myself, just test this guy again and see if it really is you and your sweet ass he's checking out so oh-delightfully, cause i still could not believe that i was the object of his drunken affection... and you could have slapped me on my sweet ass (very rare privilege) when the cute guy told his friend... loud enough for me to hear, i kid you not...

"that sure is a sexy tannie..."

i'm old...

it's a miracle...

today i actually talked to my ex on the phone for 7 minutes and 38 seconds... things have changed, thank the good lord above for that... it's not that i have been hating or cursing and sending bad voodoo wishes my ex's way these last two years, well maybe i've cursed him more than i should have, but believe me he deserved every curse word i sent his merry cheating way. oi! but for the moment there is peace between us, still very much divorced thank you very much, that won't ever change. we were talking about our son's 12th birthday plans for saturday and it was actually ok... he may be bringing a friend to the party (really??? would never have guessed) but i promise you it sounded like the poor man actually asked my permission, i must have misunderstood, nahhhh, good for him, it took him long enough @#%$, sorry, old habits die hard...

anyhoooooo i was wondering why do we call the former spouses our ex, ex what? ex husband (i know!) but what does the ex really stand for?? the word ex i found in my little oxford dictionary, stating former husband, but it still does not make sense to me... maybe the ex stands for:

exacting: making great demands, requiring great effort, hehe this is so funny, this must be it!!!

exasperate: annoy greatly, this could be it too...

except: not including, exclude from a statement... excluded from my life more like it

exchange: give or receive in place of another... this is scary stuff

exchequer: person's supply of money... heheheheheheh

exclaim: cry out or utter suddenly from pain... i rest my case!

my ex certainly fits all of these descriptions, bastard, but what is so very sad, and it took me two years to get this is, i was in mourning all this time because i lost that person i fell in love with, that was a great guy, but he is gone forever. james blunt has a song with these words... goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, you have been the one for me.... fuck that's sad... those words (although i will never admit this to him,ever) is exactly how i feel...

well, life goes on, onto happier times and onto men who does not cheat on their wives, that is what i want, really, is that too much to ask?