poetry rocks!!

when i was younger i couldn't fathom why anyone would want to read poetry, the fact that people loved poetry or voluntarily would read the stuff was beyond me...

then i grew up and now i'm one of those people...

my personal favourite is Ma by Antjie Krog, I don't know why but it just gets me every time... stunning... i absolutely love poetry... i recently found this blog and just had to share this poem with you...


poem by Ocellus









How is it
When I look at this world
I am not overcome with sadness
I caress
Tiptoes in thunderstorms
Transgression to transgression
The sea boils
I can hear the hiss at night
In those moments when you are not me
A tear swells
But has no where to fall
Gravity, for once, giving way to the melancholy
This moment
Or perhaps that one over there
Offers the opportunity for absolute clarity
What I do
Internalize the chaos outside
In an attempt to find connection with the inhabitants
What I find
The absurdities within me
Are no match for the insanity of humanity
I’m sorry
For having said way too much
Or for having said nothing at all to anyone
The shadows
Of the overlapping spheres of life
Part for the god ray that accuses my presence
And I bow
In the light of my own judgment
.
I realize that darkness resides ever about me


~


if you liked that read this one, another favourite ... poetry rocks... who knew ;)

milf action 2

if you haven't followed the conversation from yesterday or the day before, please go back and check if you are so inclined... the battle of the sexes continues and (hint hint) i could maybe use some help, Greg is walking right over me ;)

I said yesterday: "but have you guys never heard of the word 'tact'?

Greg's reply: "Tact? As soon as we use tact the question becomes about honesty. "Why can't you just be honest with me?" or "Why don't you tell me what you are thinking?"

Yes we have tact. That is why a man doesn't usually point and say, "Hey, Honey, look at her tits." But if you ask, you must deal with the answer.

My theory is that since Walt Disney, most women have come under the Cinderella spell. They think a Prince Charming actually exists, when in reality, we are all flawed human beings. Many women want honesty and tact so long as it maintains the illusion that they are a princess. Many have the illusion that the rest of their life with a person will be just like the first date, the first month, or the first year. It won't. People who don't grow together become bored of each other.

By age 30 or 40 a man will fall into one of several categories:

1) The "Yes, Dear drone." Relationship will be extremely boring. Shallow women will be happy with this man. Others will either dump him or have an affair. He'll become a dreamer.

2) He'll pick honesty over tact. If he's good enough in bed, she'll overlook it. If not, then the relationship won't last long. Women don't want honesty, they only say they do.

3) He'll open up his other options.

I innocently said: "men still feel sex is just sex, and although a lot of woman also think that way, you have to admit that on some level it's more than just sex... so i think men are more open to affairs yes, but it's the woman that calls the shots, being yes or no..."

Greg's reply: A cigar is just a cigar and sex is just sex. It is people that make more of it. And it is religion that has made sex (especially in our time period) something other than it is. The problem here is this culture of guilt people have a hard time avoiding when it comes to sex.

Sex isn't some bad thing you hide away and do. As long as people are responsible, there is absolutely nothing different about sex versus anything else you might share with someone. Religious and cultural hang-ups turn it into something else. (I've got a lot to say on this, but I'll save that for another time).

Men are not "more open" to affairs, nor are women "more open" to affairs. There isn't really much difference between us. We are human and we are drawn to excitement equally. As individuals we find different things exciting, so that is where we differ, but this isn't based on our sex. As far as calling the shots, I disagree, we are equal here too. People often have the illusion of power, but this is only an illusion.

"naughty naughty... you read playgirl? hehe... ok if you buy literature of that nature both sexes are objects, no depth or no character or no substance are given to either... if you are in that magazine you are an object..."

There is the cultural influence coming out. Playgirl is a magazine like many others. It makes just as much sense to feign shock at someone reading "The Economist". There is nothing wrong with sex. And as far as objectification, I've read both. Playgirl is nothing but sex. But with Playboy, it is one of the few magazines that I've maintained a subscription to because it is substantive.

We objectify everything in our lives, so why not sex? This is the nature of how our brains work. We create generalizations that keep us sane. We start with base desire before discovering details. If men and women did not objectify each other they would never get together to fuck, make babies, and find more meaning in life.

The only reason we have the illusion that men objectify women more is because a woman will generally know for certainty if she will get laid on any given day.

With the next one I still believe, no I'm absolutely positive I'm right and you're wrong here... but ANYWAY: )

"if i was one of the three I would have waved the other two goodbye and wished them luck, if a guy can't see what he's got it me... well his loss ;) moving on..."

Ok. You go on believing that. That works fine if you have no interest in the guy. If all three women have some interest in this guy, then it won't matter if they are best friends, sisters, or lovers; the knives will come out as soon as one turns her back. As a guy, I've personally experienced this more than once.

I again ploughed on.... "Woman tend to struggle between the difference of equality in the workplace and equality in relationships."

With Greg bulldozing me once again: I have strong feelings on this one, and will only briefly comment. Women often want anything but equality in the workplace; they more often want preferential treatment. Men cannot treat women the same as they would treat other men or else they will be charged with sexual harassment or discrimination. Men are brutal to each other in the workplace. Our comments are raw, sexually charged, and confrontational. We often treat each other less than human. That is the nature of the workplace. Yes, there are examples of guys taking advantage of women, but in most cases these advantages aren't too different than the treatment men face too.

And with women advancing to positions of power, the sexual advances are starting to balance out between both sexes. As I've said before, sexual harassment only applies to ugly people

and lastly: "you're kidding right? really? wow... if that's the case... well those blue balls have to be mounted and ... ahem... let's leave it at that shall we?"

Among friends, no I'm not kidding. Yes some guy you know from the office or from playing basketball or baseball with, probably not. But your friends, hell yeah.

you guys are so strange, you know that??

milf action

i could blog about the tooth i had pulled yesterday but thought you would find this more entertaining... please note that i am on another planet today due to the painkillers... I read Greg's blog regularly, he has very interesting and amusing thoughts on how to take over the world in general... but honestly... the guy is really intelligent and has good insight and an interesting view on most issues... he is quite genius in some ways but like all men always likes to have to last word...

he left a comment on my MILF post yesterday... a very Greg like comment .... so here goes... it's a really long, I've broken it into segments and answered accordingly....

"woman, they stick together... we don't turn on our own..."You really don't understand your own kind do you? Men get a really bad wrap because we are too often open and honest about our reactions.

Woman: Honey, why are you looking at her?
Man: Because she has really nice tits.

My answer: hmmmm... mostly us girls tend to stick together, men have nothing on us girls on that level, sisters really look out for each other... but like any theory, mine is flawed, we are all human after all... yes you guys are "open and honest" to the point of being ridiculous, and yes I see where you're going with this... but have you guys never heard of the word "tact"?

Granted our brilliance doesn't always shine. We objectify women in the open, all the while women objectify men, often to a higher degree, in secret. Maybe you left something out. Sure women who stare eye to eye don't turn on each other. But watch what happens as soon as one turns her back. Still don't believe me? Then let's have a little test:

1) When a heterosexual couple has an affair, without thinking too long about it, whose fault do you think it is, the man's or woman's? Every man or woman reading this will think man first, even if they write something like, well we need more information.

My answer: no i will admit, it will be the woman's fault. i'm speaking for myself here, not for womankind, not for woman in general, but only for myself. i have been in a few situations where a affair was blatantly on the cards, an affair being a sexual relationship with a married or involved person. i thought every "offer" through, analyzed my motives and in only one case was willing to go ahead and do it... to me having an affair is wrong, sure lust is overpowering beyond belief but i've been on the other side, i know how it feels when your husband dips into the lake of lust... so to me jumping into an affair isn't that simple, men still feel sex is just sex, and although a lot of woman also thinks that way, you have to admit that on some level it's more than just sex... so i think men are more open to affairs yes, but it's the woman that calls the shots, being yes or no, let's go for it or no go fuck yourself you have a wife and kids at home.

2) Read a copy of Playboy magazine and then read a copy of Playgirl magazine. Which spends more time objectifying the opposite sex?

My answer: i have to be honest, never had a copy of either in my hand. and if i google playboy or playgirl i'm sure to pick up a virus of some sort so...

in general: greg... naughty naughty... you read playgirl? hehe... ok if you buy literature of that nature both sexes are objects, no depth or no character or no substance are given to either... if you are in that magazine you are an object... pure and simple.

3) Thought experiment: if a handsome, wealthy man has a casual (no sex) date with three women who happen to be friends, and then the man tells them all: "I know you are all friends, and I like each of you but don't feel right dating all of you. So I'll leave it to you three, since you are friends and know each other well, to figure out which of you should continue to explore a relationship with me." What would happen?

Greg's answer: two women would turn up missing or dead.


My answer: if i was one of the three I would have waved the other two goodbye and wished them luck, if a guy can't see what he's got it me... well his loss ;) moving on...


Greg says: Women are much more competitive and ruthless when it comes to the opposite sex.

My answer: Yes I have to agree on this one, woman have become very ruthless and aggressive, a mistake I think. Woman tend to struggle between the difference of equality in the workplace and equality in relationships. Relationships aren't supposed to be a competition, and to me equality does come to play in certain aspects of a relationship but somehow I think it's not really even supposed to be an issue. Personally I like a man to be a man in the relationship, I know a lot of woman like to be in control, but to me it's a natural process of complimenting your partner, it should be fun and rewarding, not a constant battle to see who's in charge.

Greg says: Men share more of a camaraderie and will often sacrifice his own blue balls so that at least his buddy will get laid.

My answer: you're kidding right? really? wow... if that's the case... well those blue balls have to be mounted and ... ahem... let's leave it at that shall we? I have to explain here that girl friends can be competitive amongst each other... and as we don't have any blue balls issues so we tend to be quite possessive and overly jealous at times, yes... i have to admit.

Greg says: Men who seek sex become stupider. Women who seek sex become smarter. This is why we get all the blame.


My answer: it takes a man to admit that Greg, well done ;) as you said in the beginning... "granted our brilliance doesn't always shine"... too true ;)

MILF

in my mind a MILF looks like this....

but apparently not... Mom I'd Like to Fuck... that's the acronym a lot of woman in their thirties have been labelled with... basically if you're a mommy = you're a MILF... now looking at the whole phrase i guess it's not a total insult but still... MILF~status is certainly not something I totally like the sound of....

... so whoever came up with that acronym should be spanked until he begs for mercy... or shot and left to bleed out of the 20 random holes in his body!

cause it's definitely a man who came up with that name... don't you think??

woman, they stick together... we don't turn on our own... for some reason MILF just makes me cringe every time i hear it...

it conjures up images of a wrinkly old woman bonking her brains out with the neighbours teenage son.... argh.... not a nice picture that!!!!

it's a stage in a woman's life where you could start, take note COULD start feeling slightly inadequate, slightly inferior, cause face it, if you're a mommy, the once firm flesh is maybe not so firm anymore, stretch marks and all sorts of gravitational circus tricks are performed on your once steaming hot bod... and now.... sigh... you're called a MILF...

the meaning aint bad as i've said but still MILF sounds like some sort of fungi or some sort of incurable disease ... really it does!

so bye-bye twenties, the thirties are glorious!!!

and now you would ask: but wouldn't you want your twenties back?... definitely not!... my thirties are quite liberating in so many different ways... if you forget about the stuff i mentioned up top and concentrate on the rest that is .... much better than my twenties... you really come into your own on so many levels but alas there are drawbacks.... like the MILFishness ... but... if you guys only knew... dating or fucking a MILF for that matter would make any man want nothing else ever again... there is certainly something to be said for experience.... and of course reaching one's sexual peak... sorry if i shocked some of you, but hey i'm a MILF and i'm blunt, so there deal with it....

maybe i should just change my perception and get over it...

embrace my MILFness...

enjoy it...

or die trying...

MILF signing off ;)

woza weekend

monday is officially cancelled...

who's idea was that anyway?

haiku escape

Tulula made me do it~wrote this haiku... i was totally dark yesterday... i scare myself when i'm like that, for no apparent reason, boom... dark... luckily it doesn't take much to get me right back... so back to the haiku...

Sweets is innocent...

sweets wouldn't be so sweet anymore if she kept on being down and out... so hell i blame Tulula... that is the name that Ruby gave my other, darker half... hehe... good one Rubes!! no wonder Bridget's got a crush on you.... anyway... it dawned on me that maybe subconsciously i was depressed cause it's my wedding anniversary today, the one that was not meant to be, it would have been 10 years today... wow, maybe that's it... i've been rescued from my darker side by some good news!!

i phoned my SIL and i'm starting my in house AutoCad training today!! whoohooo....

i am so excited it's ridiculous!!!!!

and that's not all!!! i put my planet fitness gym membership up for sale, the remaining 12 months... junk mail i love you... two guys phoned me... and bonus the one guys lives in my area... what's the forking chance!!!!... he wants me... i mean the contract!!! so we'll do the paperwork ASAP... ah... i will have to hold a farewell for my favourite treadmill at the gym but things are looking up... see i think i just needed some action, and i sure got it...ok not exactly the action i was looking for but action non the less...hah... AND it's weekend! ok... on to somber haiku... have a good weekend ya'll ;)

my heart beating fast
understanding out of reach
freedoms ragged edge

unsaid words is all
to keep my head from falling
silent cries shouted

laughing at the edge
dreaming about tomorrow
that may never come

why do I feel this?
why do I ask these questions ?
why do I still care?


revolution rife
grace unknown or not welcome
it's dark in my soul


riding a horse now
laughing at my fears and thoughts
tomorrow i wait

not myself today

“I have a great love and respect for religion...

great love and repect for atheism....

what I hate is agnosticism...

people who do not choose.”

~ Orson Welles

meme done

sheebee tagged me for this meme... and don't worry i won't tag anybody ok... bridget!!!??? you hear that??? ok i lie i would love to see the insides of angel's handbag but i know she also hates meme's so... don't worry i 'll just sneak a peek whenever... or you can give me a guide tour angel! hehe... anyway!!! on to the meme then...

here's my handbag...

and what's inside!

1. black leather wallet, love the wallet although it's a bit of a dud, my cards don't fit, strange...
2. cell phone, nokia
3. pen
4. pee shooter ~ jay's
5. 4 lighters, can never be without a lighter can you?
6. 1 box of marlboro lights cigarettes, never without a pack
7. mentos sweeties, kids love them, i do too ;)
8. lip liner
9. lip gloss
10. small bottle of perfume
11. pepper spray... i've always wanted to use this but have never had the chance.
12. sunblock stick... africa baby!
13. tube of germalene... i don't know!
14. 4 x normal lip balm
15. 1 special lip balm...softlips hehe
16. floss
17. compact mirror
18. id book
19. necklace
20. flash disk
21. hairband thingies, i'm growing my hair... one word - disaster...
22. secret container with secret feminine goodies
23. spur's wet ones... i know my kids are all grown up but they still spill and mess on a regular basis...
24. lots of pilletjies... i get severe headaches so i'm sorted for anything from migraine to sinus

that's it! and yes those are my big toes in the picture.... giving you a thumbs-up ;)

april 1st

it's april fool's day... but unfortunately i have no prank up my sleeve... couldn't think of one thing to do... boring isn't it~!!!!!!????

anyway lemme tell you about a very amusing incident...

the kids told me that daddy has got a new girlfriend... ooh lala.... i said... yes kay said Daddy needs someone to look after him....... mwhahahahah no shit sherlock... anyway... about two weeks ago the ex phones me...

him: hello darling ex wife...

me: yeah yeah what do you want?

him: do you have a copy of our divorce papers handy?

me: our divorce papers? oh yes i do, i actually have it framed... i will cherish it always...

him: har har... seriously do you have a copy?

me: lemme look in my personal file... hmmmm... oh yes here it is filed under "happy days are here again" mwhahahahahah...

him: are you enjoying this?

me: oh my dear ex husband, is it necessary to ask the obvious??

him: so you do have a copy?

me: affirmative corporal

him: (small voice) please fax it through to the following number 011....... attention Paula...

me: (evil chuckle bubbling right out of my belly)... are you for real?

him: (silence)

me: mwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahaha

him: yes...

me: so this dolla wants to check if you're still married? oh my god... this is just too precious!!!

him: she checked on the home affairs website and according to their records we're still married, did you know this???!!! (highly upset)

me: as a matter of fact, i do... shocking but not to worry, this problem should soon be rectified after i change my surname back to my maiden name...

him: oh...

me: so are you serious? really? does she want proof that you're not married?

him: (and here he gives himself away on so many levels) well yes, when we last had a thing we were still married...

*sigh* isn't he just a peach??!! and poor Paula, new newby, good luck pops, you're going to need it, if you don't see the red lights flashing all around the place, just embrace what's coming your way ok? ok!

i'm so going to love this... the previous girlfriend was Pauli, and this one is Paula... so i'm just going to have to have a slip when I meet her:

him: ex wife... meet my new girlfriend Paula

me: hi Pauli, so nice to meet you!

him and her together: no it's Paula, not Pauli...

mel: so sorry, there's just so many girlfriends and names... maybe you should wear a name tag?

ahhhhh... so much fun to be had....

paradise

it was a wonderful holiday!!!

here's a few pics to tell the story...

above is jay starting a sand castle, he got highly upset with the waves destroying his work ;)

below is the view from our house... the sea looks really far away, but it's not, golf course right next to the house... the kids scored a few stray golf balls

kay and jay with their 6 year old cousin, early in the morning, walking on the beach
look at me... good heavens hahahahahahahahaha...

kay found a dead crab...

jay with one of his Easter eggs...

golf car paradise... everybody drives around the estate with their golf cars... this was taken at the beach... there was literally 50 or more of these parked at the beach any time during the day... we had two cars to our disposal... loved driving around in those little cars!!

jay and me on the balcony... the faces they come up with... is that face supposed to be a boring face or what...
my brother chasing away monkeys... they stole our bread twice, racing through the house...

when i saw this sign i told kay that he'll have to go hungry for the rest of the holiday ;) for some reason he didn't think i was funny...

sigh... how i miss this!!

kay in the pool, don't you just love that hair!! not...!! we're going for a haircut today!!

ah man, i don't wanna be back!!! it was a truly unbelievable holiday, i've realised that luxury does add something to a holiday! the weather was perfect, the company was perfect, my kids behaved and i've even got a tan!! there is only one "lesson" i learnt on this holiday...

there is a definite difference between "old flesh" and "new flesh"...

and if you fall into the first category... don't try to look like the second... plllllllllllllllleaaaaaaaaaase... i spent much of my time on the beach people watching... and of course ass watching... old woman frolicking in the breakers, looking like this... oy... the pic does not do her ass justice... i didn't want to zoom in too close... lets just say... that ass in a board shorts... would have looked a million times better!

see old flesh right there... in that teeny weensy little bikini...

it was really one of the best holidays i've been on, didn't do anything in particular that was note worthy, but it was just an over all experience, relaxing and enjoying... oh oh oh oh!!!! and i met sheebee!!!! she is the sweetest, funniest woman ... ah sheebs it was really fun meeting you at long bloody last!! don't go to oz!!! don't go to ozz!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ciao babes!!!

well i'm off, this is my last day at work before my noooooooooice holiday... i'll be back on April fools... you be naughty and nice and do whatever blows your hair back... i sure will be!

i'm all packed and ready to go ;)

byeeeeeeeee!!!

tag you're it!!

i almost missed this meme... Greg tagged me ... i don't like meme's Greg, never have, never will!! except maybe the meme writing a letter to your teenage self... that was quite fun... but yikes... you wanted to annoy me and... well... firecrackers... you have... but only slightly... you caught me on a good day... no blog fodder... so here goes...

You have to find five things around your house that say something about the person you are and snap a picture of them. Then tell us about them...

number one: this is a pic of my sons sleeping last night... they are permanent fixtures in my house. what does this say about the person i am? i love them to bits :)

number two: looking at all the pics i took it seems that i'm a bit of a gatherer... and a bit of a slob... this is my kids room... i think they've inherited the gathering / slob gene! what does this say about the person i am? i'm not a hunter


see?! i'm a gatherer... my cupboards are full, the way i like it, i don't want to be caught without food, this is so strange... i never knew this about myself...

see!? more food!!!

number three: i like beautiful things, i like art and paintings... this is one of my favourites, aint it pretty?! my FIL is a painter and most of the paintings in my house he did... except this one, this was a gift from someone else :) what does this say about the person i am? i like nudes

another beautiful thing, this is my tiara... diamonds people! Yes Greg it is real diamonds... yeah right... hehe... anyway I love this tiara... some useless information about diamonds... my ex is a real life honest to goodness diamond broker... he often shows me diamonds that he's smuggling... i mean selling... this side of him has always made me nervous, there are some scaly mf's selling diamonds around, dangerous sob's... maybe my ex is one of them, i think I have to stop hiding his stash for him, yes I think so...

number four: this is my darling cat... billy... like in "billy the kid"... hehe... he is a beautiful cat but not the friendliest of cat's you've ever met, he likes me and i like him... nothing much more to it than that. what does this say about the person i am? i like my cat

number five: i should have turned the pics before i posted them, sorry, i love photos and stuff... i stick them everywhere. what does this way about the person i am? omg... i like photo's???



so i have to tag someone...or more than one... or all of you...


so i'll tag...


btw~ if you haven't been to these people's blog's~ go...ok!?


Miss M
The Jackson Files
Michelle Hix
AfroSliq Diva
Living Bridget
If these walls could talk
Angel

12 going on 13

i found out yesterday, that kay has a new girlfriend... her name is chloe... he had a devilishly naughty grin on his face when he told me they've already been going out for a week...

is that still the terminology?... "going out" or "going together" or are they "hangin" or dear God forbid "shaggin"?...

he said he didn't want to tell me cause he KNEW i would ask him 10 000 000 questions... i never knew i did that!!! mwhahahahahaha.... i noticed this chick-a-babe last week... and was wondering why he wanted to go to rugby practise every single day... and wanting me to pick him up as late as possible...

and there it is~ puppy love...

but you should see these two together... both 12... and if you remember way back then... when you're 12 and you're a guy... you're like 20 centimetres shorter than most girls... what a picture.... he looks like a midget next to her... mwhahahahahaha... and they are forever giving each other hugs... she could actually go down on one knee and be just the perfect height for him... and the strangest thing is that it doesn't bother either one of them... just goes to show what hormones can do for you... poor babies... chloe is ... lemme just say "budding" early... she's all hips and boobs and .... length... so for now kay's the big fish in a small pond... next year i'm sure chloe will be looking with lust at the 9th and 10th graders...

but for now... all's good my boy... you've aced a real girl that doesn't run away from you anymore ;)

wicked weekend

oh it was looooooovly... had an absolute blast this weekend!! thanks again to glugs and angel for inviting me and the kidlets, was really a great weekend!

my back is still recovering from the bumps on the back seat of the 4x4 game viewing vehicle... glug's driving skills.... hehe... no i'm just kidding! sitting on the back seat you're just asking for it... jay loved sitting there so i was forced to join him... but never again!! at a stage angel and I held on for dear life... and giggled our asses off....oh my it was fun!! glug's place is absolutely gorgeous, en suite bedrooms, gas braai's, dstv, pool table, pool... royalty i tell you!!

the rain hasn't stopped since friday... so i've got so much dirty laundry and wet clothes it's quite distressing.... and i'm leaving for our holiday on friday.... really don't know what i'm going to do with all the washing... anyway that's a problem for later... i'll post some pic's later, haven't downloaded anything yet... have a good week people!

sisters are doing it for themselves

*gasp*

*splutter*

*angina attack*

my sister found my blog... you bugger you... "apparently" a few weeks back already... through no other than my good tjomma angel ... how the hell she pulled it off ~ i have no freakin clue... cause i tried to follow how she "found" me ... and lemme just tell you... not very easy... so i have sherlock holmes as my sister... she promised she hasn't read anything... sigh... i don't even know if i mind her reading my blog... but any case she's just like me... she HAD to find me... she said she's had sleepless nights... mwhahahahahahaha poor thing... she was asking me about my weekend plans and i told her that i'm going away this weekend with angel and glugs (thanks guys for the amazing invite!!)... and she said... oh... angel X.... my eyes got bigger... my jaw dropped... and she started laughing her ass off... and i just knew... she was so chaffed with herself... silly woman! but you got me... good for you!!!

then...

if you don't read sheebee's blog... hit sheebee ... she's dying for some attention... she deserted blogland for a few weeks and is threatening to eat some worms soon because everybody's ignoring her.... so go!!!

here's a pic of her boobaliscious boobs to convince the guys and to make all us girls jealous... welcome back sheebs............. we missed ya!!

death

that word makes me cringe... i'm not scared of dying... well i don't think about it much so before i get scared i rather think about something else... but the thought of one of my kids dying really totally scares me shitless... i really don't think i'll be able to handle it... never say never i know... but i don't think words can explain what a parent must feel losing a child...

ok moving on... i was the cause, or rather i could have been the cause of jay's death years ago... i never talk about this... nobody really knows the truth... cause basically i am so ashamed of being so careless, even for 2 minutes...

it really put things in perspective for me... how unbelievably fast things can change, how powerless we really are... how tears and regret can't change a thing... and thanks be to God Almighty that my son lived ~cause it could have been so different, and it would have been my fault... and that is even worse than death itself, knowing that it was your fault...

i'm a smoker... my ex had this thing about smoking... he was a closet smoker and didn't like smoking in front of the kids... basically he would hide around corners and such just so that the kids won't see him smoke... silly... so that is how this "incident" happened... i know he was going to flip his lid if he saw me smoking... so when he was taking a nap on a saturday afternoon i took jay, he was probably about 11 months old... outside through the back door... sneaking out, to have a smoke... i put him down on the grass and i lit up and was deep in thought dragging merrily away... i looked down at my son and omg... he had half of a mushroom sticking out of his mouth... i cannot explain to you the fear that gripped me in that second... the garden variety mushroom is highly poisonous... if you ingest the wrong kind you can basically die within minutes... so i grabbed my baby... grabbed my bag and drove like a bat out of hell to hospital... clutching my baby in the one arm and the remains of the mushroom in my other hand... we had to force liquid black stuff down his throat... that made him vomit repeatedly... but~ he was fine...

that guilt stayed with me, me wanting a smoke and not watching my child for 2 minutes, even though he was sitting right by my feet... i don't know... i just can't shake it... and i've never told anybody the real truth... i made up some sort of story about me putting up washing on the line... which is totally unlike me... but i did it, why~ i have no idea... i know i'm not a bad mom, but something that small could have killed my child~ because i wanted a smoke... oy

WHAT IF... that is what scares me most...

doctor-doctor

oh my greatness... i went to the doctor with kay yesterday afternoon... my appointment was for 5 but as I walked into the waiting room I could see that that particular idea was not on the cards for me... so I sat down and checked out my fellow waiters... lemme just tell you it was highly entertaining.... who knew right!

so firstly the reason for everybody's delay waddled out... this poor guy had both of his big toe nails pulled out... and apparently the doctor struggled to get them out... g~o~o~d~n~e~s~s... just imagine that pain! he looked very comical, he had his shoes in his one hand, not dangling by his side but pulled up next to his chest... shame i think he was in so much pain... so there he came waddling out with his two huge big toes wrapped up... ok you probably had to be there to find this amusing but trust me... that picture will stay with me for a while...

then a young mother came in with her toddler... very friendly child... he smiled at everybody over his mother's shoulder... and every time he smiled... the huge amount of snot around his nose would blow up into a green bubble...mwhahahhaha... and his mother had no idea... imagine this... smile... bubble suddenly appears... smile disappears... he catches somebody else's eye... big smile... big green bubble... hehe...

there was also a divorced mommy, slightly mutton dressed up as lamb kind of effort... she didn't know that her leopard print knickers were sticking out... she spoke to her son and totally ignored the dad... pushed her chin into the air and sauntered out of there... leopard print and all...

i was then told by kay that jay was potting an old lady with his pee shooter... right under my nose!... another disgusting highlight was a teenager sitting across from us... she was highly pissed that she had to wait... obviously she doesn't do that often... she slouched in her chair... like teenagers do... but boys do this mostly not girls really... anyway... there she was slouching... legs apart... growling as her tshirt kept riding up at her sides... cause she was... how to put this in a nice way... slightly obese... so she had these huge saddlebags popping out at the side.... gross... growling and at everybody and the injustice of it all... sigh.... really toots it aint all that bad... so all in all the half hour i had to wait whizzed by cause my fellow sick people were so bloody entertaining!

kay has some sort of virus that's causing the ugly blister on his nose... it started to spread so i'm glad i went to the doc... apparently it wasn't going to go away on it's on... antibiotics... thank you ex for having such a wonderful medical aid that paid for everything!!

job

Jobs I would never do:

Accountant…argh… rather give me some ant poison to drink please!
Gynecologist… good money but checking other’s woman’s plumbing every day... hell no!!
Trash… I take my hat off to those guys!
Coach of SA Rugby team:… need I say more… why would anybody want that job?
Chef… i would have access to huge knives... and i would have to cook... those two combined... just looking for trouble
Printer repair guy… or the copier guy... whhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy?
Plumber… not my cup of tea… but I hear they make uber bucks...

housewife... if the hubby was loaded... maybe... but staying at home to clean and cook, thanks but no thanks

dentist... ever wonder why dentists wear those masks? so how was the garlic snales last night mr stinky breath?

Jobs I would love to do:

Teacher: this is a hard job but kids are generally scared of me and I generally like kids, good average i think...
Florist...that would actually be my perfect job…
Programmer… this is the thing I should have done with my life but I missed the bus on this one because of my lack of self esteem... poor stupid me
Writer… but only if i could live in the south of france
Fireman…that pole!

Stripper... that pole again... sigh

to me it's all about enjoyment... and obviously the pole hehe...

small irritating stuff

i wanted to say... small irritating shit... cause that's how i feel... thank God no big drama in my life but the small stuffies just totally gets me... i know it's real trivial but it's complicating my life to no end... and i hate drama!!

• my poor Kay has a teacher that does not like him one bit, stupid woman, the ex actually went to see the principal on friday cause she screamed at my poor kid in front of the whole class... not on!!!!


• Kay's writing exams... they write two subjects a week, Tuesday and Thursdays... this whole process takes over a month... i hate school!!!


• my fish tank has a slow leak...


• my fish filter/motor thingy-jobby is not working properly... this drives me totally maaaaaaaaaad....


• my bluetooth connection at home doesn't work... new driver... argh


• i saw and old friend on friday and she told me i picked up weight...wtf... only my mom's allowed to tell me that!!


• i was a nail biter for yonks and yonks... stopped about 5 years ago... and now i've started to bite my thumb nail again...


• my kids are eating my out of my own house... good grief they polished a whole loaf of bread yesterday... and wanted more.... gobble gobble gobble... they're scaring me


• kay has a sty in his eye... sigh... painful and looks horrible and i have to pin him down and force the ointment into his eye and beg him to go to school with that hideous lobster on his eye


• i have huge ants invading my house... they are sneaky little critters... they only come out at night... and no it's not termites... i love to drown them... i am a horrible person i know


• i'm flat broke... not using my credit card is killing me... relying on a regular cash flow is really hard! i now have to dip into my savings and i hate that...

see such trivial shit but i can't tell you how irritated i am with life in general... and yet... i could have been so much worse right?!

so i'll just shut up...

Britain is reposessing the USA

i found this quite funny, please take note that we love you americans, we are laughing WITH you and not AT you.... got it ? good ;)

my favourite is number 15...

A Message from British comedian, John Cleese

To: The citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.


7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. Holden Monaro's are also approved.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of world population you should be aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1769).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God save the Queen..
John Cleese

jay-walking...

my son jay is something else... every single morning i have to beg him to eat his breakfast... obviously not a morning person- just like his mama... after breakfast i fill their lunchboxes with a sandwich and a cold drink for break-time... this lunchbox comes home, untouched every single day... so now every morning i ask him "do you want a lunchbox?" and every time he says...

"no thanks mom... no time to eat... have to play!"...

which is cool.... they finish school at 13h00 so if he has a solid breakfast he'll make it till lunch without dying of hunger... now... the plot thickens...

the other day we were chatting about lunch for some reason and i innocently asked him "don't you ever get hungry during your school day sweetheart?"... "nah"... he says.... "the other kids gives me their sandwiches..."

and right there the red flickering warning lights and the internal mommy-siren went on....

"why on earth would your friends give you a sandwich every single day?"... i asked, cringing... just knowing what i'm about to discover just can't be good....

.... "teacher asks before break-time if there is anyone who's mommy didn't pack them lunch... and then the other kids have to share".... mwhahahahahahaha... i am horrified!!!!... so now the whole class and the teacher thinks i can't afford to pack my son lunch or just don't bother to pack my son food... can you imagine?!!!! argh!! and he's just coasting along, getting a new interesting sandwich every day...!!

well now i pack him a sandwich every single day, even if i have to throw it out... the shame!

mid week break

i still love nickelback...

but this was too funny to pass up :)

a post to my borderline-stalker

jip... strange but true... i have a person that reads my blog

every day

up to 7 times per day

although i'm flattered in some perverted way i guess, it is a tad disturbing... here's the reasons why...

1. weirdo never leaves a comment
2. weirdo reads 2 or more of my old posts every time they visit
3. weirdo has on one sitting actually read 7 of my old posts... hehe poor you
4. weirdo moved from cape town up to gauteng recently... so closer to mother goose and mother goose aint liking this one bit

all of this info i get courtesy of web-stat secretly checking you out on my behalf, i have your IP address...

to add to my paranoia i have been receiving anonymous phone calls... on my cellphone (number withheld) person phones and puts the phone down after 5 seconds without saying a word and then my office phone rings, same story... no heavy breathing unfortunately but still... yikes

so weirdo if you have my number and you read my blog... who the fuck are you? it was valentines day just the other day, why didn't you send me a hundred red roses??? ok jokes aside... if i go missing please call piet byleveld...

to use a line my ex used frequently... don't fuck with me i know people ok??!!!

facebook

i caved... yes i did... i joined facebook... but the hopeless optimist that i am, i actually thought facebook would be easy... either it is easy and i'm just clueless or i'm just not getting it... i sent out invitations that i didn't even know i did... and even got some friend replies... that was nice... am i in high school again? it does feel a tad like that... so thank God i have some friends.... wmhahahahaha anyway i hope i get with the program soon, cause i think facebook is supposed to be fun right? which it isn't for me at this moment... and what is it with you people who use your blog names on facebook?? unfair... i object! isn't it supposed to be a real life~coming out of the closet with your normal identity kind of thing?... i came clean you buggers... now i feel like being caught with my knickers around my ankles and i'm the only one...

i went to the bloggerati party with glugs and angel on saturday night... i do not know what i expected but *sigh* wasn't all that good hey... oh i know... MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE HELPED IF SOME OF THE BLOGGERS I KNEW WENT!!!... there was the strangest dude parking with us for a bit... i did not meet one blogger that i knew... blog parties can be very cliquey ... tsk tsk...

my boss is off to cape town for four days...whoohoo good times, it'll give me time to figure out facebook ...

running scared

sars was so sweet, they sent me an sms first thing this morning to remind me to write down the kilometers on my car, end of the tax year and all that... kind of creepy though... they've literally got my number!! oh yeah and it's the 29th of Feb today... leap year and all!! do whatever you're supposed to do on this wacky day... what that is i have no clue ;)

anyway onto more serious stuff...

I have two boys as you know.

Wonderful funny guys whom I love to bits.

I would literally die for them.

Now although their father also loves them dearly, ok probably more than just “dearly” but if I had to measure his love and my love for our kids I would kick his ass … here’s the thing… I have had this nagging, silent, ignored fear that one rainy day my boys will ask me if it’s ok for them to go live with their dad.

Fuck I will really die if that should ever happen. Cause it does happen, when the hormones roll in, the not-so-strict weekend dad looks real inviting. And the thing is you think you know your kids, I mean I really do think I know them better then they know themselves, but I’ve heard of single mom’s “losing” their kids, and becoming weekend moms, if that.

So here I am confessing one of my biggest fears. I know I’m going to “lose” them anyway to adulthood, Kay in about 6 to 8 years and Jay 10-12 years, leaving my little nest, cool~ I can deal with that ...

~but to dump me for their Dad??

Good gracious I’ll have a royal fit if that ever happens. Cause that’s what sucks about being divorced, I’m the one who has to be the bad cop pretty much all of the time...

eat your veggies!!

brush your teeth!!

do your homework!!

go to sleep!!

etc etc etc…

and daddy… he picks them up and for that 48 hours they do just about anything they want to do, they come home after a weekend without having bathed, brushed their teeth or even clean underwear on, I shit you not.

Luckily our family law is quite strict, not easily will the court give full custody to the dad, and if so gross misconduct must be proven against the mom or she has to give up custody voluntarily.

So I just hope they play nice with mommy and don’t spring that shit on me one day soon, I really don’t know what I would do.

hope your weekend rock!!

keywords

After a bit of research I finally found out how to find what keywords are used to get to my blog… other than you usual beauties that is!

Good grief, I was horrified!!!

I won’t tell you about the absolute perverted, sick, certifiable people out there… and the search words they use, these are some of the more amusing ones… and made me realize that i am normal, thank God, after all!

Testicle door knocker ~ I’m sorry did I ever write about this…??

Ass updates ~ oh my word, that makes no sense at all…

how to fuck yourself in the ass ~ huh??? Get help!!! Today!

you've got sweetness ass in the world ~ aha…yes I do ;)

my best friend loves my moms ass~ you have a problem bud, be afraid, be very afraid.

Sweetest Ass In The World 2008 ~ this can be so much fun… mwhahahahahahaha!

what a child can say to a second time divorcee~ i hope it wasn’t a kid googling this phrase, that is just sad…

irish blowjobs~ ??? hmmm I think I’ll have to google that too ;)

sweet old ass~ yuck yuck yuck… gross

i rest my case... i am normal after all!

mid week break

good news and bad news

(note: if there are huge spaces between my paragraphs... i give up... it's spaced normally but blogger seems to think the huge spaces between the paragraphs looks funky, so have mercy)

i hate it when someone asks me that... you wanna hear the good news of the bad news? cause 9 times out of 10 the good news is never good enough to make up for the bad news now is it?... anyway my good news is pretty good and my bad news isn't all that bad so.......

i got a pay raise... oh yeah... not huge but makes quite a difference...



BUT...

i had to ask for it, felt more like begging... that sucked, i felt horrible, and then my boss said "no sorry i don't think you are getting a raise this year" and i'm like... wmahahahaha... shit you're serious??!! and then i just told her straight... dear boss... that does not suit me... hell woman i'm a single parent, i don't live a luxurious life... i just get by... life get's more expensive every year... gimme a break! ... then she gave in... kinda pissed me off... but i got what i wanted... bitter sweet somehow.

bad news: a horrible spider bit me... 5 fucking times! the thought of a spider taking a leisurely stroll all over my body is just about enough to freak me out... i imagine it walking over my eyes and my mouth and yikes that's just too much... and it hurts and itches like hell... went to the pharmacy... pulled down my pants and pulled up my shirt... oh yes... i had to... he was amazed and the precision of the little bugger... four bites on my tailbone... precisely underneath each other... and a random bite on my back, that one is really itchy.... argh... this happened last week thursday and it still itches!!!!!! i'm like a little old woman, walking around with a tube of cream when the itching get's too much... i smell slightly antiseptic today...

letting go

I've been divorced now for roughly 2 years... that's about 730days, 17520 hours... that's a long time right. I've moved on with so many different parts of my life, for the first time I was independent, I married very young, I was only 19 years old the first time.

It was a huge adjustment when I got divorced but I have to admit that I have flourished since then. I have found myself again, I'm happy, I'm confident. Those are all great things to achieve personally and I would really not change any of it. I had a conversation with my Mom a while back, we discussed the disaster that was my marriages. But she made a very interesting observation, she said that even she's not sorry about the fact that I ever married my ex, because not many people meet someone and love that insensely. So like the age old saying goes... it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

And for me at least, that was and is true. The highs were incredibly high and the lows just unbelievably devastating, but the fact remains that I truly loved. I daresay and am quite reluctant to admit it to myself, but in a way he was the one for me, cause when I said goodbye to my marriage I gave up my lover and my best friend.

It's something that I still struggle with but thank God don't hold on to anymore, the fact that i truly loved this man once. And what i struggled so much with was that if you do in fact truly love someone then how on God's green earth is it possible to just not love that person anymore?

I would never admit this to my ex and for that matter anyone else but as much as i hate this man I still love him and probably always will. Loving him doesn't mean that I will take him back into my bed or allow him back into my life, that part is forever over and I will never ever allow myself to go down that road again. But thankfully the fierce love that I felt for him for 15 years (I met him when I was 16), that intensity is gone~ for I truly let him go, my heart doesn't break when I see him with another woman, but I care for his wellbeing, I care what happens to him and how he is, I wish him well, just as you do everybody that you love.

That may be strange and it has taken me 2 years to get to this point where I could actually admit it to myself, and that in itself is quite liberating. It's ok that I still love him, if I claimed that I did back then when we were married and could only look at him now, after the divorce with disdain, that love would not have been true love.

My point is probably not very clear I know, but I need to send this out there, to maybe find a place for that last little jigsaw piece for me to admit that this man changed my world and that that was ok, that he brought many things to me and that I was grateful that I found something with him~ cause that was significant to me. So maybe this is a tribute to that what once was, that's what my shrink once said I need to know that everything, even all the bad, maybe especially all the bad, had significance, was worth something, if it didn't, well I could just not live with that fact quite frankly.

It may not be important to anybody else, even to him, but it is to me and I need to be true to myself. I've let go of him, we both are very comfortable with each other now, things have finally settled down and an unspoken truce and peace now prevails. And for that I am thankful, i've needed to make peace with the fact that it's ok to “love” him still, I don't hope that things will work out, that's not it. I just want him to be happy, just like I know he wants me to be happy.

I will find someone again to love, I know that, but for now I am just happy to be at peace, not wracked with a desire to love again, cause love can bring the best and the worst in me, it's a all consuming thing for me~ to love, and I think I need a bit of rest before I can give all of myself again.

so for the last time...

goodbye my lover

goodbye my friend

you have been the one for me

hoytitoyti

see this beautiful...

stunning...

holiday resort??

i'm going!!!

oh my word people i have been invited to go on a seven day break, all expenses paid, by my dear brother nogal... to this divine spot... haha... i'm still in shock... but this is where i'll by lounging my sweet ass next month this time...!!!

unreal...!!!

it is a little strange that my bro invited me and my kids to go... but hey i'm grateful and it will actually be fun to spend some time with him and his family... never get to do that...!!

have a wonderful weekend ya'll...

i'll be day dreaming of sand and sun and walks on the beach and horse riding on the beach and tanning this ghost-like sweet ass of mine and sipping countless gin and tonics and playing golf and riding around like a maniac in the little golf car and sleeping late every morning and ... you get the idea right?

bye bye baby

if you haven't noticed... take a look... i've lost my "divorced with a sweet ass" label...

it got sort of lame... real quick... so thanks, yet again, to Greg for saving my sweet ass once more, he did the header, something i have no clue how to even attemp, so thanks Greg, i owe you one!

looks great i think... so i am still divorced but not lugging that around any more... now i'm just sweets... ok...? ok!

so after my bitchfit yesterday... i leave you with a bit of comic relief...