hey there!!... I'm feeling strangely energized today... if i didn't know better i would be convinced the sandman* shagged me last night...
jokes aside... crisis averted or rather handled ... i realized that it actually works to organize my life at home... being an adult at work AND at home seems to do the trick... who knew right?! i too was shocked at this don't worry...
i had a bit of a wake up call yesterday... i was discussing some work with my boss and she looked at me and said... sweets why are you so irritated?... oops... me...irritated!!?!!?? ...
so imagine me banging my head on the table and telling her all my dramas...
after a while she sat back, smiled and said... phew...i thought i did something wrong!
*giggle*
*I'm sorry did i actually think this conversation was about me!?*
*silly me*
but if nothing else i realized that if my boss thinks I'm cranky, well that's just not good, she doesn't pay me to be cranky, she pays me to be perky and friendly and funny... so yes... that is my aim, to fool her into believing that I'm all that anyway... I've done a pretty damn good job of it until now... but she caught me out... what is so funny is that she walked in while i was reading blogs and wanted to work and i was of course irritated by the fact that i couldn't finish the blog i was reading.... mwhahahahahahaha... ironic right?!
among other things i phoned the shrink and demanded to talk to him, they are just never available... the poor man phoned me back and actually talked some sense into me... so onto Concerta we go... what i didn't mention yesterday is that Kay's "problem" goes further than just his concentration levels... he is a very anxious little boy, ok not so little any more... and that's the problem... it's not ok for a 12 year old to be afraid of everything... and I'm not exaggerating, he goes through life scared... and half the time he is hiding the fact that he is scared shitless, and with a dad that seems to be scared of nothing and a mom that wants to prove to him that he doesn't need to be afraid... i think he feels intimidated and humiliated and just basically scared most of the time... there are loads of reasons for it, stuff that happened in the past... but at the end of the day my son's not a happy chappy and i have to be the adult and solve this for him, even if it means putting him on hectic meds until the shrink can brainwash him into believing this world isn't such a hellhole and that not every second person out there is out to harm him, me or his brother... it's very sad and scary... if there is one thing that i don't want, it's for my son to grow into a man who doesn't feel safe... that is a fundamental building block needed for a healthy person... especially a guy... and to act his way through life is just too awful to even comprehend... so my son needs help and I'm getting him some... so basically the meds are ideal for both his problems, convenient yes?... sigh... i'm sorry i always make stupid jokes when stuff upsets me... and yes i'm still upset... but i'm handling it... which is always a good start... and after all... it's not about me now is it...
ok run along... check you all later... have a good one ;)
*... in afrikaans the sandman is called klaasvakie and i had to phone two people to confirm that klaasvakie is indeed the sandman... so if he isn't... i'm talking about that childhood myth of the person who comes and whacks you over the head with a bag of sand so you can fall asleep...
